Find The Way
by Alexandria M
Summary: **Sequel To Sobriety** Azzy Thomas has just finished rehab and is back in the world on her own again with her son she shares with Dean. After breaking up with Dean and wanting to be free will Azzy be able to stay on the right path even when she faces huge obstacles and will Dean and Azzy be able to co-parent with each other?
1. A New Life

***Here is the first chapter to the sequeal to Sobriety. I hope you like it***

 **TWO MONTHS LATER:**

I get my 2 month old son out of the back seat of my car and grab his diaper bag as I pull his car seat out of the backseat. I make my way to my mom's front porch and ring the doorbell. She opens the door a couple minutes later with a smile on her face. "Dean," she says, "Come in."

"Thanks," I say with a smile as I make my way inside with Gideon who is looking up at me with his beautiful blue eyes that he inherited from me.

"I didn't know you had Gideon today," she says, "I thought that today was Azzy's day because you have group tonight."

"Azzy called me this morning and asked if I could pick him up from daycare so that she could get some studying done. I'll drop him off at her place before I go to the meeting."

"Are you sure she isn't using again?" she asks as we reach the living room. She immediately goes for the car seat when I put it down to take Gideon out so she can hold him. "Come to Nanny, Baby Boy," she says as she picks him up making me smile. She takes him out of his little blue jumpsuit exposing his little jeans and Nike shirt.

"She's not using," I say, "she's studying for an exam. She's doing pretty good. She's got herself a good job that she works at 7-3 every day and she is going to school. She's doing a good job. She's not using. She's at home studying."

"I'll believe it when I see it," she says as she plays with Gideon. "She does make cute babies I'll give her that much," she says as she continues to play with him. "Yes she does make cute babies you're the cutest baby in the whole world," she says as Gideon gives her a big smile. "So why didn't she just keep him and study?"

"Because you know how Gideon can be. He has his moments when he just cries. He's still dealing with his addiction. I don't want her to be distracted besides I like spending time with my son," I say with a smile as run my hand over his dark hair. He is the spitting image of Azzy except his eyes are blue much like mine and he has my mouth and my dimples. Azzy and I did a great job with this one.

"That's her fault," she says, "this poor baby addicted," she says shaking her head. "How selfish can you be?"

"She wasn't being selfish, Mom, if she would have quit cold turkey he could have died. Let's not start this argument again. Azzy is trying really hard here let's not keep casting stones at her."

"What is going on with you two anyway? Are you two fooling around again?"

"No," I say with a smile. "we're not," I say as Gideon starts to get fussy. "He's probably hungry," I say, "let me go make him his bottle and then we can finish our conversation." I get into his diaper bag and pull out his formula. He has sensitivity issues to the formula so the doctor gave him soy formula and I grab one of his bottles from the bag and a drop in before I make my way to the kitchen to make him his bottle. I hate when my mom gets started on Azzy. She holds a pretty nasty grudge against her for one mistake. I hate getting into these arguments with her about one of the mothers of my children. I shake the bottle up and then make my way back to the living room. I put the formula back into the bag and pull out a burp cloth before I take him from my mom. "Come here, Gideon," I say with a smile. "Come to Daddy," I say with a smile as I take him into my arms and he continues to cry as I lay him back to feed him. He starts to suck on the bottle like he hasn't eaten for days but he had just eaten 3 hours before. He's an eater that's for sure.

"So back to you and Azzy," she says, "what is going on with you two?"

"Nothing," I say. "We're just friends working together to be parents to Gideon," I say, "it's nothing more than that."

"I was worried for a second there," she says as I feed the baby. "What is this daycare like that she sends him to?"

"It's a daycare," I say with a shrug. "We went to check it out together. The teachers have their clearances and it's a really nice daycare. It's one of the best daycares in Cincinnati. It's not a bad place. They send a paper home with Gideon every day telling us how much he ate, how many diaper changes he had. It's a good place. I like it."

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't one of those poor excuses of a daycare," she says, "you know what I mean?"

"I think so," I say, "but don't worry he is really good hands there. If he wouldn't be I'm sure Azzy and myself wouldn't send him. You have nothing to worry about."

"You know I could watch him during the day."

"No, Mom, Azzy wouldn't like that and he is better in daycare so he can be around other kids. He needs to be socialized."

"He's 2 months old, Dean and he hasn't had any of his shots yet and he's around all those germs it's not safe."

"He hasn't had his shots because his body cannot handle them all at once. He got a couple at the doctor's last week. Azzy doesn't want him pricked with a dozen shots at once."

"And you agree with that?"

"I do," I say, "he goes through enough with his addiction and his stomach sensitivity. He's not like other kids, Mom. He can't have a dozen shots put into him at once. He'll have a bad reaction. Azzy is doing this because it's best for our son not because she is against vaccinations."

"She's the one that got him like this," she says as I burp Gideon.

"Please stop," I say.

"I think you should go for custody of him. I don't trust her, Dean. You know that."

"What don't you trust about her?" I ask. "She's working her ass off to be a better person."

"What if she starts to use again?"

"Mom, she's not going to use again."

"You don't know that," she says,

"I do know that because she goes to counseling two days a week, she is part of my friend's group, she is working at a good job and she's in school."

"Doesn't mean she won't fall back to her old ways, I just think Gideon would be better with you than he is with her."

"With my work schedule I can't get full custody of him and I don't want to do that to Azzy. We have a good thing going. I have him Thursdays and Friday nights she has him Saturday through Wednesday. It's working for us."

"If you say so. Have you seen her new apartment?"

"No, not yet," I say.

"Are you sure it's a healthy environment for the baby?"

"Azzy is a good mom. It doesn't matter what she did in her past. She is a good mom to our son. Look at him," I say, "does it look like he's not taken care of. He's always bathed, his nails always clipped, no diaper rash, he is happy regardless of his addiction and obviously he's well fed. He weighs 10 pounds," I say, "he's taken care of."

"I still think you should check out the apartment when you drop him off. I just worry about him. I don't want to see anything happen to him because his mom was an addict."

"And so was his father," I snap, "and look at me now. I don't care how you feel about Azzy but at least respect her. She is the mother of your grandson. You don't have to like her but don't disrespect her in front of her son. She's not a bad person."

"How can you say that after everything she did to you?"

"Because I know she wasn't in the right state of mind, Mom. Azzy had problems and she's dealing with them now but she has NEVER put our child into jeopardy. She loves him and there is nothing she won't do for him. I was where she was before too and I will not punish her by taking our child away from her like it was done to me. I was where she was before, Mom, you know that."

"She stole from me, she stole from Richard and she stole from you," she says, "how can you trust her after that?"

"How did you trust me?" I ask. "Show her the same respect that you showed me when I got out of rehab. I stole from you too and you forgave me. Like I said, I don't care if you hate Azzy but please don't disrespect her in front of our son that's his mother and if it wasn't for Azzy you wouldn't have Gideon in your life and if you keep disrespecting Azzy you won't have him in your life."

"I still don't trust her what if those two thugs come back into her life? Then what?"

"Then we will worry about it then but trust me Azzy is not going to put Gideon into any danger she loves him way too much. She loves him more than life itself so you have NOTHING to worry about, Mom. It's all right."

"I will always worry about my grandson," she says as I look down at my son. I just can't get over how cute he is. He gives me a big smile as I tickle him. There's nothing better than seeing his toothless smile.

"Is your tummy full now," I ask him with a smile. "Was it yummy?" I ask before I pick him up and kiss his forehead.

"And Gideon, where did she get that name?"

"It means warrior," I say, "I think it's a cute name and it's powerful. Leave the boy alone."

"Is that what you're going to say when he is getting picked on at school for his name?"

"He can handle his own," I say with a smile. "He's a little warrior. Stop passing judgment, you just don't like the name because it was Azzy's idea."

"Why didn't she name him Dean?"

"Because we didn't want to name him Dean," I say, "he's our son we can name him what we want," I say as I put the rest of his bottle away before I get ready to change his diaper.

"And what's going on with McKenna?" she asks as I come back into the living room after throwing away Gideon's diaper and washing my hands.

"Cassie is in the process of moving here. I'm going to get McKenna on the days that I am home the same days I get Gideon," I say. "McKenna and I talk on the phone pretty much every day and I can't wait to see her again."

"I would love to see you and Cassie together again, you two were so good together?"

"Really because I think we brought out the worst in each other. We were a train wreck together," I say, "I'm good with being friends with her. And don't forget she was an addict too. I didn't think you would want me to be with another recovering addict."

"You two were married."

"Because I got her pregnant and I thought it was the right thing to do but it wasn't obviously. Look, Mom, I know you want the best for me but I'm 29 years old. I think I can handle that myself."

"Well, you really screwed up with Azzy," she says.

"And the best thing to come from Azzy is my son so I didn't really screw up anything," I say as I look at my watch. "I have to get him ready to go back to Azzy," I say as I take Gideon from her to get him ready to go. I put his jumpsuit on him and pull up the hood with little bear ears as he sleeps through it all. I put him back into his car seat, buckling him in just right before I put a blanket over him as I stand up. "I'll call you tomorrow," I say.

"All right, will you have Gideon tomorrow?"

"Yes," I say, "Azzy is going to drop him off before she goes to group."

"All right," she says, "I might stop by to see him if that's all right."

"That's fine," I say. "I love you."

"I love you too," she says giving me a soft kiss on the cheek after I hug her. She gives Gideon a soft kiss. He stirs but remains asleep. "Bye."

"Bye, Mom," I say before I make my way to the front door.

I arrive at Azzy's apartment complex about 20 minutes later. I'm pretty impressed. It's in a really good neighborhood and as I drive I see there is a pool and a playground for the kids. I pull into a parking space outside her building and smile. She made out pretty well for herself. It's not too bad. I get out of the car and get Gideon out before I make my way inside her building. I make my way up to the second floor and find her apartment. I knock on the door as I wait for her to open it. "Hey," she says with a smile as she opens the door. She looks really good. She's got some meat on her bones and isn't stick thin anymore in fact she's starting to develop curves in all the right places and she looks amazing. She looks good. Her curly hair pulled into a ponytail, her hazel eyes looking at me through her glasses as she's dressed in a pair of Dean Ambrose sweat pants and pink tank top.

"Hey," I say with a smile as she lets me into the apartment. I look around and see there is still some stuff that's not unpacked but you can tell that there is a baby here as his swing and his pack and play are in the living room and some of his toys on the floor. "How did the studying go?" I ask as we take a seat on the couch.

"Pretty good," she says with a smile. "Thanks for taking Gideon for me. This is a really big test and I needed to study. Thank-you," she says as she picks Gideon up out of the car seat and takes him out of his blue jumpsuit as he wakes up. "Hey there, Handsome," she says with a smile before she kisses his chubby cheek. "Did you have fun with daddy today?"

"Tell Mommy that we went to the grocery store and then we went to daddy's to play for a little bit before we went to visit nana."

"Oh boy," she says to Gideon, "you had a big day today! Was he all right?"

"He was good. He just ate about a half hour ago. He only ate a little bit so he may be hungry again in a bit. I just changed him before we left so he should be good for a while. The rest of his bottle is in the diaper bag."

"Okay," she says as I stand up. "Are you leaving now?"

"Yeah, I should get back home," I say, "but I did want to tell you that in a couple weeks I have a European tour so I won't be home that week to get him. I will make it up to him when I get back."

"Okay," she says with a smile. "Do you want him for Thanksgiving?"

"I mean I could take him for Thanksgiving since that's my day but what about you? What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

"I am probably going to be working Thanksgiving. Plus I'm not really doing anything anyway. I was just going to order Chinese food and spend Thanksgiving here. I know you want to take him to see your family so go ahead."

"Thanks," I say with a smile. "I'm sure my mom will love that."

"I'm sure too," she says with a smile as she stands up. "So do you want to look around the apartment to make sure it's okay?"

"Yeah," I say with a smile.

"I'm sorry that everything isn't unpacked here," she says pointing to the boxes in the living room. "With work, school and Gideon I just haven't had time. I plan to tackle that tomorrow night after group."

"Sounds good," I say with a smile as I smile at the pictures of Gideon she already has hanging up on the wall before she takes me to the kitchen to show it to me. "This is a pretty nice kitchen."

"Yeah," she says, "too bad I don't know how to cook. It would really come in handy. The only thing I'm whipping up in here are Ramen noodles and macaroni and cheese and microwave meals," she says with a smile. She's so cute. She seems a lot happier now that she's out of rehab and now that she's not on drugs anymore. She's turning into the girl that I fell in love with almost a year ago. "This is the bathroom obviously," she says showing me the bathroom before we walk out into the hallway, "and this is my bedroom," she says with a smile as I look around her room. It's pretty simple but it looks like she hasn't unpacked everything just yet. I smile as I look at the pictures of Gideon on her dresser along with her jewelry and stuff. She takes me out of the room and takes me to another room in the apartment. "And this is Gideon's room," she says, "I wish I could paint the walls blue but this will do for now," she says as I smile at the sports themed bedroom with little bears playing baseball, basketball and football. Gideon's name is on the wall in light blue letters. This is the only room that's really unpacked. Everything is in its place. She has a toy box for him with a bookshelf with a few books on it. On his dresser there's a blue piggy bank, his blankets are folded neatly at the changing table and put underneath it along with his diapers and diaper stuff. "What do you think?" she asks as we make our way to the living room again.

"It looks good," I say, "I'm impressed."

"Good," she says, "I just want to do this whole mother stuff right."

"And you are," I say with a smile, "you're doing a great job with him."

"Thanks," she says with a smile as she kisses his forehead as he sleeps in her arms. He's doing pretty well today. I don't think he has slept this much in a while. He must be tired.

"Well, I should get going. I have to do group tonight. I'll pick Gideon up tomorrow from daycare unless you want to drop him off at my house on your way to work and I just keep him for the day."

"Do you want me to do that?"

"Yeah," I say, "that should work."

"Okay," she says, "I'll drop him off about 6:30 in the morning."

"Okay," I say with a smile. "And I will bring him home Saturday around 7 because I have to catch a flight to North Carolina."

"All right," she says. "Thank-you again for taking him for a bit. It really helped me."

"No problem," I say with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"See you tomorrow morning," she says with a smile as Gideon stirs in her arms. "Say bye to Daddy," she says waving his hand at me.

"Bye, Gideon," I say with a smile before I give him a kiss on his cheek. "I love you," I say to him before I give one last wave before I'm on my way out the door.

 ***A/N: Is it a keeper or no? What do you think about Dean's mom? Is she being too rough on Azzy? What do you think about her talking about Azzy in front of Gideon? Is Dean right for telling her not to do that? What do you think of Dean's and Azzy's interaction with each other? What do you think about what Dean said about Cassie and him? Do you think it is possible they brought out the worse in each other? What do you think of Azzy and Dean co-parenting? Do they seem to be doing a good job? Do you think Azzy is doing well? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	2. Opening Up

***Thank-you for all the favorites, follows, alerts and reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!***

 **DEAN:**

"Hey," says my brother as I walk into his diner with Gideon.

"Hey," I say with a smile as I walk up to the counter. "What's up?"

"Nothing," says Richard, "the lunch rush just ended. What brought you in here today?"

"I just wanted to bring Gideon to visit his uncle," I say with a smile as I take him out of the car seat.

"Let me see him," he says taking Gideon from me and holding him in his arms. "Damn, Dean you look like shit."

"It was a really long night last night," I say. "Gideon was having some trouble sleeping. It was one of those nights where he just keeps crying. Az says he has them at least 4 times a week. No matter what I did he didn't stop crying. He was changed, fed and held yet he wouldn't stop crying."

"Cause the poor baby is addicted," he says as he holds him in his arms and Gideon looks up at him with his blue eyes. "Did you take him to the hospital?"

"No," I say, "he settled down eventually. I hate when they give him that shot. I just want his addiction to be over."

"It can take a while," he says, "so how is Azzy doing?"

"Pretty good," I say taking a seat on one of the stools. "She looks like she's doing very well. Her apartment is awesome. She has this amazing bedroom for Gideon and tons of toys. He's well taken care of."

"Considering she could barely take care of herself," says Richard, "I'm surprised she can handle being a mom."

"She's a really good mom," I say, "I'm actually surprised by how well she's doing with him."

"Me too," he says, "so is she still sober?"

"Yes she is," I say, "she's doing great."

"That's good. I have to commend her for that. I'm glad she is making an effort for her son and she's still going to college?"

"Yes," I say, "and she's in counseling and in group. She's changing I'm happy for her. I just want to see her better herself for Gideon. She is amazing with him."

"Good," he says. "Mom still hate her?"

"Azzy is the devil when it comes to Mom. She wants me to take Gideon from her."

"Are you going to?" he asks.

"Of course not, I have no reason to take him from her. He is well taken care of and she's sober. I have no reason to take him from her that would be like what Cassie did to me. The way she took McKenna from me because she didn't trust that I had changed. I would never do that to Azzy if she gave me a reason to do it then yeah but Gideon is doing just fine in her care. We're working well together. She gave him to me for Thanksgiving."

"Wow," he says, "that's impressive. What is she doing for Thanksgiving?"

"I don't know. She said she's working and then having Chinese food," I say, "I almost want to invite her to Mom's house but I can't because Mom does not want her in her house at all. I mean I don't blame her. She did her wrong by stealing from her but Azzy is changing. Mom should give her a chance."

"She hurt a lot of people, Dean, she has to make amends with them."

"I know," I say, "but how can she make amends if Mom won't even talk to her? She's so scared that Azzy is going to start using again and endanger Gideon but I have seen her with him she loves him so much. She's a good mom."

"Well, that's good. I had my doubts about her. She's not exactly on the top of my list of people I trust but I'm glad she's making an effort. I would really like to see her become something you know what I mean?"

"Me too," I say as one of the waitresses come over to see the baby.

"Is that Azzy's baby?" she asks.

"Yes," says Richard, "he's my nephew isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

"He's adorable," she says with a smile as she talks to Gideon making me smile. "He is Azzy's twin."

"Tell me about it," I say as she looks up at me. "The only things he got from me are those beautiful eyes and those cute little dimples."

"He is cute," she says. "What's his name?"

"Gideon," I say with a smile.

"That's different."

"Azzy is different and I believe it's a biblical name too," I say. "She mentioned it and I liked the way it sounded."

"It's cute," she says, "is Azzy doing okay?"

"She's getting there. She just moved into her own apartment so she's out on her own right now. She has a long road ahead of her," I say, "but hopefully she stays on the right path."

"I hope so," she says. "I just want to see her do well for herself and the baby. Can I hold him?"

"Sure," I say, "Richard, you gotta give him up," I say with a smile.

"All right," he says with disappointment before he hands Gideon to the waitress. "So what's up with you any new women in your life?"

"No," I say with a small chuckle. "After Azzy I think I need a break from women altogether. I'm focusing on my career and my son. I don't need all that romance right now."

"That's good," he says with a smile. "You still have feelings for Azzy don't you?"

"I plead the 5th," I say with a smile.

"You do I can see it all over your face. Honestly, if she could get herself together I think you two might actually be okay together. I mean before she got into drugs again you two seemed to be doing all right. You moved a little fast but you two seemed all right. If you two do end up together I would suggest taking it slower this time no sleeping with each other on the first date or having late night rendezvous that make her late for work every day and no more babies for a long time."

"Oh yeah, no babies for a really long time," I say in agreement. I personally don't think it's anyone's business whether I have feelings for Azzy or not. I don't think she's a bad person I just think she made bad choices. A lot of people make bad choices. I know I made a lot of bad choices myself but you can always turn your life around. Azzy was pretty decent when she was sober and even now she's pretty decent but honestly I like the way things are going with us right now. We're working together and supporting each other as we raise our son together. "You know Mom would kill me if I ever ended up with Azzy ever again after everything she put us through."

"I know," he says, "but if Azzy would be the one to make you happy then her opinion wouldn't matter."

"Mom is pushy," I say, "she would disown me."

"Not if Azzy could prove herself."

"Yeah mom is not going to like it if we ever end up together. It's funny because I always thought we would have this happy life together and raise our kids together but sure enough it was just illusion. I really did love her."

"I know you did," says Richard, "and that's why you were so blinded by the fact she was using. You didn't want to believe it because you loved her. Do you still love her?"

"I'm pleading the 5th," I say, "I love her as the mother of my son I will admit that but I plead the fifth on the romance."

"All right," he says with a smile. "Let me just be clear, people don't do what you did paying for her rehab and giving her money while she was in rehab if they don't love them. I think you still have feelings for her and that's cool but just if anything happens between you two take it slow."

"How did this visit turn into this?" I ask. "I just brought Gideon to see his favorite Uncle."

"I'm his only uncle," he says with a smile. "So Cassie is coming back to Cincinnati to live?"

"Yes," I say. "Mom wants me to be with her. I don't think so. I like Cassie but together we're a train wreck. We don't only destroy our own lives but the lives of those around us. I told her we'll just be friends and do what Azzy and I are doing with Gideon," I say as Gideon starts to fuss. The waitress hands him to me. "Thanks, I think he might need a diaper change or maybe he needs to eat. I don't really know," I say. "I just know that he's upset about something," I say as I pull a bottle out of his bag and try to feed it to him but he won't take it. I take him to the bathroom to change his diaper and he is dry. He's having one of his moments and nothing I can do to soothe him. That breaks my heart. It always does. Just seeing my poor baby in pain and not being able to stop it, tears my heart apart and tears me apart. I wish there was something I could do. "It's okay," I say as I bounce him in my arms but the crying continues. I do everything I can but he shows no sign of stopping any time soon no matter what I do.

 **AZZY:**

"How are you doing today, Azalea?" asks my therapist as I am sitting in his office.

"I'm doing okay," I say, "I miss Gideon. He's with his dad for a couple days. Every time he's gone I just feel this empty spot inside. I really miss him every time he's away."

"I see," he says. "You really love Gideon don't you?"

"With every part of me, he's the reason I am where I am right now. I just want to be the best mom that I can be but I have so many fears."

"What kind of fears?" he asks.

"I don't know that I am going to let him down. I am scared that he's going to grow up and see me as a failure."

"Why would he see you as a failure, Azalea?"

"Because I'm scared that I might fall off the tracks again and let him down."

"Do you feel like you could use again?"

"I have urges. I've been having them a lot lately. I'm in a new place. I'm actually on my own. The half-way house gave me freedom to an extent but not as much freedom as I have now. I don't' want to use again. I really don't. It destroyed my life and I lost friends because of it. I lost my boyfriend because of it. I almost lost my life for the second time because of it. I don't want to lose my son because I fall back."

"So what are you doing to stop yourself from using?"

"I'm looking at Gideon and knowing that I have to stay clean for him so I can be a good mom. I have been knitting again and playing my piano. I've been writing my book too. It's helping me fight it and I'm talking to you about it."

"I think you're a strong person, Azzy, you're doing the right thing. It isn't easy to stay sober after everything you've been through. It's important that you keep up this strength. It's not going to be easy but you have a support group you're in and you have a son. I'm sure that Gideon's father would be willing to help you out as well."

"Yeah," I say, "but I don't want to let him down after everything he's done for me also."

"You won't let anyone down as long as you stay clean. You're doing the right thing. You're talking about it, you're admitting that you have urges and you're letting them out that's a good sign. You've been sober for a long time, Azalea I know you can do this. You just have to fight the urges. Keep Gideon as your motivation to stay sober."

"I feel bad when I am with Gideon sometimes."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because he's addicted and he's still dealing with his addiction issues. He cries all the time. He cries like he's in pain and there's nothing I can do to stop him from hurting. It breaks my heart. It's my fault he's like that. I want him to be healthy and happy but the doctor doesn't think he will be a normal child," I say. "They said he could be delayed and have issues. I don't know how to handle that."

"Let's take it one step at a time, Azzy," he says, "I know it hurts for you to see your son hurting but not being able to help him. Eventually that's going to go away and everything will be all right with him. Don't listen to the doctors when they say he will be delayed no one knows that not yet anyway he's too young. If you worry about that you're going to worry yourself into doing something you don't want to do. I know it's hard but you have got to hold it together. Gideon doesn't blame you for his addiction and when he's older he surely won't even remember."

"I guess," I say with a shrug. "I just feel so helpless sometimes. He's happy some days and then other days he just doesn't stop crying. It's overwhelming and heartbreaking. I love him so much it hurts me. It kills me to see him in so much pain."

"I know as a parent every time we see our children in pain we want to help them but sometimes there isn't anything we can do but stay strong. I know it's not easy for you."

"It really isn't," I say. "Not at all."

"So you have fears let's talk about Chris and Ty," he says.

"No," I say, "I don't want to talk about Chris and Ty."

"You never want to talk about them and what happened while you were with them."

"There's nothing to really say," I say, "I don't want to think about it."

"Okay," he says, "whenever you're ready we can talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it," I say with tears in my eyes as I think about everything Chris and Ty put me through. I hate thinking about it let alone talking about it.

"Okay," he says, "that's your right and your decision but someday you're going to need to talk about it. You can't move on from it or heal from it until you talk about it."

"It just wasn't a good time," I say, "I can't talk about it."

"Okay," he says, "let me know when you can and we'll talk about them. I don't want to see you hold onto something that hurt you so deeply. I don't know what all happened but going by your body language and your reaction it couldn't have been good. I'm here to help you not judge you."

"I don't want to talk about it," I say again as I grab a tissue and wipe the tears from my eyes.

"So let's talk about when you were 15 years old and your parents kicked you out. You gave me a little insight of what was going on before that but what happened after you were out on the streets?"

"I met a guy that I thought I loved but I didn't truly love. I know that. I really didn't love him. I just loved the high he gave me. He helped me get hooked on heroin. It was the craziest high I ever had. I thought I would try it just once but I wanted more and more of it. I wanted more of him. And I wanted more of the heroin. We shot up together daily. It started off just once a day and then it turned into twice a day and then multiple times a day. It was crazy and scary at the same time. Heroin was deceiving. I thought I could just do it once and be done with it but I wanted it more and more. I fell in love with it. I didn't fall in love with him. I just fell in love with the fact that he could get me the drugs that I needed and fell in love that he would help me get my fix. I was confused, lost and hurt the heroin helped me and the only way I got it was through him."

"How old was this guy?"

"Probably about 30," I say, "I don't really know. He was older."

"I see," he says, "how did you meet him?"

"I was on the streets I was looking for a place to go and he offered me a place. I couldn't turn him down I needed a place to stay it was cold and snowy outside so I took him up on his offer. At first we just smoked weed together and got drunk together. In exchange for the drugs he had me do things. He had me give him a blowjob here or have sex with him there. That's how I paid him back for a place to stay and for my drugs. Then one day he brought in cocaine and that was some crazy stuff too and I was hooked on that. Then he brought in the heroin. I was scared at first but I wanted to try. I told myself I wouldn't get addicted but after that first time I needed more and it got worse and worse. We had our drug parties with each other. He never really turned me out but he did have me pay my gratitude with sex. I thought he loved me. He told me he loved me and that he was going to marry me one day. I don't know it seems so weird now but at 15 you think you love someone but you don't. You love the idea of them. I loved the idea of having a place to stay and I loved the idea of getting my fix through him. It was wild and it was crazy and I was dumb and stupid. We partied too hard one night and the next morning I woke up and he was dead. He was gone."

"I see," he says, "that must have been really hard for you."

"It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. He was gone but it didn't stop me from wanting to get my fix. I was getting heroin where I could whenever I could. He had a stash that I used up in a month's time. I tried to get away from it when I found out I was pregnant but I couldn't. I had to keep using. I had to keep going. I needed that fix and because of it I lost my baby. I had to abort it."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Horrible," I say, "it was my fault because I was addicted and I caused my baby not to have a brain. I couldn't go on with the pregnancy."

"So you aborted the baby?"

"Not legally but yes. I had to. It was dying inside of me," I say. "I didn't have the money for an abortion so I had to do it illegally. Chris and Ty helped me with that."

"How did they help you?" he asks.

"I don't want to talk about it," I say with tears in my eyes as my voice cracks. "All I'm going to say is I have nightmares about it still today."

"Okay," he says. "So this is where Chris and Ty come into your past?"

"Yes," I say.

"I won't push you about them. When you're ready to talk about them we will talk about them. Let's focus on everything you did wrong while you were using."

"Okay," I say, "I stole, I lied, I hurt people. I was dependent not only on the drugs but on other people. I am a really dependent person or at least I was. I hated myself. I was hurt and I wanted to take the pain away so taking my pain away I hurt a lot of people."

"So you can admit that what you did was wrong?"

"Yes," I say, "of course I can admit what I did was wrong. I can admit my flaws. I'm not a good person."

"I would say that you're doing your best to be a good person now. I think you're a good person I just think you made a series of bad choices. There is no such thing as a bad person, Azzy, there are good people that make bad choices. There's good in everyone you just have to find it. I don't think of you as a bad person."

"Thanks," I say. "I made a mess and I'm just trying to clean it all up."

"I know," he says, "and that's a good thing. We're going to get to where you clean up the mess that you made with people you hurt. It's not going to be easy but you're going to do it. You can't move on until you make amends and until you let go of the bad choices you made and that includes letting go of what happened with Chris and Ty. Remember you were just 15 years old when this all happened and it went on for a couple years anything illegal you can press charges against them."

"I don't' want to talk about that," I say once again. Chris and Ty are lying low for now but I know eventually they're going to be back and I'm in trouble when they finally do make an appearance which is why I didn't press charges after what happened before I went into rehab. They're not good people and to be honest. I am scared of what they could do.

"Okay," he says, "let me ask you one more question and then our time is up."

"Okay," I say,

"Gideon's father, you told me that you were scared you would let him down do you have feelings for him?"

"I don't have feelings for anyone right now. The only thing I am worried about is Gideon and making sure he's okay. I have no time for boyfriends or any of that. My son comes first and I want to keep it that way for a little while yet."

"I see," he says, "we had a really good session today, Azalea. You're starting to open up a lot more. I would really like to hear more about your time with Chris and Ty but when you're ready we'll get to that. This is a safe place, I can't say anything unless you're a danger to yourself. So whatever you tell me will stay between us. Whenever you're ready we can talk about it okay?"

"Okay," I say as I bite my bottom lip. "So I will see you on Monday at 6?"

"Monday at 6," he says with a smile as I stand up. "Have a good weekend," he says.

"Thank-you," I say, "you too," I say with a smile before I shake his hand before I walk out of his office. I do enjoy the hour I get two times a week to talk to someone. It really helps me a lot. I always feel better walking out after one of my appointments.

 ***A/N: What do you think of Richard's attitude toward Azzy? Do you think he's forgiving of her? What about Dean do you think he still loves her? What did you think of Azzy's appointment with her therapist? What do you think happened that was so bad with Chris and Ty she is scared to talk about it? Is there to her story than what she told Dean in Sobriety about them? What did you think of her opening up about the guy that got her pregnant the first time and opening up about her abortion? What do you think about her fears? Is she handling it the right way? Do you think she will ever open up about her time with Chris and Ty? And finally do you think she still has feelings for Dean? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	3. Happy Birthday, Azzy

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"Happy Birthday," says Dean to me as I open the door early on a Saturday morning as he holds Gideon in one arm and a cake in the other hand.

"Thanks," I say with a smile as I let him into my apartment. "You know you didn't have to get me a cake," I say with a smile as I take Gideon from him.

"I wanted to," he says with a smile. "Just like I'm spending the day with you and Gideon and we're going to have a little party later."

"Don't you have to go back to work today? Don't you have a house show?"

"I have the weekend off," he says with a smile before he walks to my kitchen to put the cake down on the table. "I wanted to go to the festival with you and Gideon today and I wanted to spend your birthday with you. I didn't want you to be alone for your birthday you're 19 years old today."

I smile at him and say, "I wouldn't have been alone. I have Gideon," I say with a smile. "We would be okay I was just going to take him to the fall festival at the daycare and spend the day with my little man," I say as I kiss Gideon on the cheek. He is the most adorable baby I have ever seen. Just looking at him melts my heart. "Weren't we going to have fun?" I ask him with a smile as I touch his chubby cheeks and he smiles at me. His beautiful blue eyes looking up at me, his full lips into a smile showing off his adorable dimples and his cute little button nose, my heart melts to pieces. If there is one thing I did right in the last few years of my life Gideon is it. "But I guess if you want to come with us and hang out we can," I say.

"I would like that," says Dean with a smile. "I do want to do some stuff together like a family. I mean we both send him to daycare we should both take him to the festival."

"I'm not going to pretend to be a family when we aren't really a family, Dean. We're just two people that have a baby together and we're trying to co-parent. As long as we get along we don't have to pretend to be a family. Gideon won't know any different."

"We should still do stuff together," he says.

"But I don't want him confused," I say, "It's already going to be confusing enough for him that we aren't together I don't want to give him mixed signals."

"We won't, Azzy," he says, "Gideon will like to do stuff with both of us at the same time as he gets older. We're in this together. That was the deal wasn't it?"

"I guess," I say, "but the cake and all that is a bit much."

"So it's from Gideon," he says with a smile and shrug.

"Okay," I say with a shrug of my own. "So how has he been for you?"

"We had a couple rough nights but we got through them," he says.

"That's good," I say with a smile. "When's the last time he ate?"

"About an hour ago so he'll probably want to eat soon. That boy can eat."

"So he is going to be big like his father," I say with a smile. "You might have a little wrestler on your hands here."

"Don't get my hopes up," he says with a smile. "I can't wait till he's older so I can take him to WWE shows and he can see the ring. I can't wait."

"I bet," I say, "he could end up a football player also the boy is going to be solid."

"Yes he is," he says with a smile. "And he's been changed not too long ago so he should be all right."

"Good," I say. "Do you want anything to drink or anything?"

"No I'm all right. I had some coffee on my way over. I did notice his skin was a little dry so I put some baby lotion on it. Is that okay?"

"Yeah as long as you don't do it a lot," I say. "If you feel his skin is dry put some lotion on it but don't overdo it. That's what the doctor told me."

"Okay," he says. "What time does this festival start?"

"10," I say. "Let me take a shower and get ready to go and then we can head out. If he gets hungry," I say as I put Gideon into his swing, "the formula is by the sink and his bottles are in the cabinet by the fridge. I am sure you can find the water just fine," I say with a smile.

"Your smart mouth is still music to my ears," he says with a smile. "I got this, Azzy, go get a shower."

"Okay," I say with a smile, "I'll be out soon." I give Gideon a kiss on the cheek after I cover him with a blanket before I head to my bedroom to grab a towel and wash cloth before I go to the bathroom to take a shower so I can go spend the day with Gideon and Dean.

After I get out of the shower I walk into my bedroom and can hear Dean laughing in the living room and I smile as I walk over to my dresser to pull out a pair of jeans with holes on the knees and a long sleeve grey shirt. I grab a black camisole to wear underneath. I throw my clothes on and then brush through my hair before throwing it up into a bun. I walk to Gideon's room and grab his diaper bag. I start to fill it with diapers, wipes, a pacifier, a couple extra outfits just in case and a couple toys before I walk out into the living room to see Dean sitting on the couch holding Gideon in his lap watching Paw Patrol. I smile and say, "sounds like you like this show more than Gideon."

"He's digging it," he says with a smile, "but it's a cute show. Gideon and I watch it every time it's on at my house," he says. "I don't do the Sesame Street thing."

"Neither do I," I say as I turn the TV off. "I don't do the TV thing with him either."

"Come on, Azzy," he says, "what's wrong with him watching TV?"

"TV isn't good for babies nor is letting them on a tablet or cell phone under the age of 2 it can cause sensory issues and stuff like that. I don't want him watching TV and having no screen time till he's 2," I say.

"What about at least 30 minutes to an hour each day watching TV?"

"Dean," I say, "Co-parenting is working together and making decisions together."

"And I am trying to compromise. I don't see anything wrong with him watching at least 30 minutes of a show a day. It's not like I'm sitting him in front of the TV all day and letting him watch it. That would be bad but it's like 30 minutes not even."

"30 minutes and that's it," I say, "I don't want him to grow up addicted to the TV or technology."

"He is my son," he says, "trust me if I can help it he won't even know what the internet is or what technology is till he's older."

"Good luck," I say with a smile. "There is nothing wrong with a kid actually going outside to play instead of sitting in front of TV or on a tablet. It helps build their imagination. Anyway, if you want to change his diaper really quick I'll make a couple bottles and then we can go."

"All right," he says with a small smile before he gets up with Gideon to change his diaper as I go to the kitchen to make a couple bottles. Dean and I haven't really taken Gideon anywhere together before except daycare and the doctor's other than that we haven't really hung out like we are going to do today that I can remember. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

When we arrive at Gideon's daycare Dean puts Gideon into the stroller and we walk to the back for the festival. I have to admit I like walking with Dean through the festival as we go to the petting zoo allowing Gideon to touch the goats and the llamas they have as well as the other animals such as sheep, pigs and they even have ponies for a pony ride. Gideon doesn't seem to even care but Dean is all about it for him. I think it's cute to see him with his son. He does love him; he loves him a lot. He does a good job with him. After we're done with the petting zoo we go on a hayride together which isn't that long of a ride but it's fun none the less. We follow that up by picking out a little pumpkin for Gideon so that we can paint it for him. "His first pumpkin," I say with a smile as Dean holds Gideon on his lap and paints a face on the pumpkin. "Smile," I say as I take my phone out and take a picture of the two together.

"Are you taking him trick-or-treating on Monday night?"

"No," I say, "he's too young for that and I'm not into eating any candy so there isn't really a point but I am dressing him up for daycare," I say as I take a seat next to him.

"What is he being for Halloween?"

"He is going to be a monster because he's mommy's little monster aren't you?" I ask Gideon as I tickle him. "It's a cute costume. I'll send you pictures."

"Cool," he says, "remember I won't be getting him next week. I'll be in Europe."

"I know," I say, "for how long?"

"I catch a flight on Tuesday night after Smackdown tapings and then don't come back until two weeks later pretty much. We're doing a RAW show there and a Smackdown show there. It's going to be pretty hectic. It's a busy tour but I like it. I'm just going to miss my little guy," he says kissing the top of his head. "Two weeks is a long time."

"I know," I say, "I'll send you lots of pictures and if he does anything exciting I'll make sure you're the first to know," I say with a smile.

"Okay," he says, "I look forward to the pictures. I'm pretty sure the guys are tired of seeing the baby pictures."

"I bet," I say, "but how could anyone get tired of seeing this cuteness?" I ask.

"That's true. What do you think?"

"Cute," I say as I look at the pumpkin with the face. "Is that a scary pumpkin?" I ask Gideon as Dean hands him to me. Gideon gives me his toothless grin as I talk to him. I have never loved anything more in my life than I love my son. He is amazing and the one that saved me from myself.

 **LATER THAT NIGHT:**

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Azzy, happy birthday to you," sings Dean as I smile before I blow out the 19 candles he put onto my cake. "Say happy Birthday, Mommy!" He puts Gideon over to my cheek and he gives me a slobbery kiss. I pretty much think it was just him trying to eat my cheek but I'll accept it as a kiss.

"Thank-you," I say to Dean with a smile. "And thank-you, Chunky Monkey," I say to Gideon as I take him from Dean and give him a thousand kisses on his cheek as he smiles. "I have to say this is one of the best birthdays I've ever had."

"I'm glad to hear it," he says as he cuts the cake. "I just wanted you to have a good day."

"I did thank-you," I say with a smile. "Hold my cake for me, I'm going to go feed this little guy and put him down for bed."

"All right," he says with a smile after he gives him a kiss on the cheek before I take him into the nursery to feed him a bottle. He drifts off to sleep and I put into his crib and grab the baby monitor before I leave the room after I give him a kiss on the forehead.

"He is sound asleep," I say with a smile as I join Dean on the couch and he hands me a piece of my birthday cake. "I love strawberry," I say as I take a bite of the cake. It is delicious. It has strawberry flavored icing on it with vanilla flavored cake it's Heavenly.

"I know," he says. "I listen to you."

"I know you do," I say. "Thank-you for today."

"You don't have to thank me. I had a good time."

"Me too," I say. "It did feel good to do something together with Gideon. Even though he had no idea what was going on I think he had fun."

"I think so too," he says, "I can't wait till McKenna is here in Cincinnati so that they can spend time together."

"I'm sure she's going to love him. Does she know about him?"

"Yes," he says, "She knows all about her baby brother. She can't wait to meet him. I can't wait to have both my kids together."

"I bet," I say as I eat my cake. "I want to meet McKenna? Am I allowed to?"

"Sure," he says with a smile. "I want you to meet Cassie too."

"Okay," I say with a smile.

"I just want us all to get along because of the kids."

"I know," I say. "I will have no problem with her."

"Okay," he says. "They should officially be moved into their house at the end of November."

"Cool," I say with a smile. "I'm happy that you'll have both your kids in Ohio with you."

"Me too," he says, "life will be much easier now."

"Yeah," I say as we eat our cake.

"So how is counseling going?"

"It's going good. I like my therapist. He really helps me open up and helps me out. I love going to my sessions. He's one of the best thank-you for suggesting him to me."

"No problem. Dr. Stevens is one of the best therapists in Cincinnati. I wanted you to have the best help."

"Thanks," I say, "and group is going really well too. I'm making friends."

"That's good," he says. "How do you like Kim?"

"She's good people," I say. "She's not as bad as I thought she would be."

"See?" he says. "I'm proud of you, Az, you're doing really well."

"Thanks," I say. "I'm trying really hard."

"And that's good. It takes a lot of work."

"I know. It's tough but I'm working my ass off."

"I see that," he says, "I got you something for your birthday."

"You didn't have to get me anything for my birthday. This day was enough."

"No you're my friend and the mother of my son. I should get you something," he says pulling out a small square box. "Happy Birthday," he says as he hands it to me.

"Dean," I say, "you really shouldn't have done this."

"I wanted to," he says with a smile, "open it."

"Okay," I say as I open the box to see a beautiful bracelet with Gideon's birthstone and a heart shaped charm on it with Gideon's initials on it. "Dean it's beautiful. Thank-you."

"You're welcome," he says with a smile. "I'm glad you like it."

"I love it," I say as he helps me put it on. "It's really beautiful."

"I figured you would like it," he says with a smile. "I'm glad." I give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Thank-you."

"You're welcome," he says with a smile. "So would you like to watch a movie or something or I could leave if you want me to."

"A movie would be good," I say, "unless you want to leave."

"I can watch a movie with you," he says with a smile as he turns the TV on and flips through the ON-Demand choices for a movie for us to watch. "What about Lockdown?" he suggests. "Starring yours truly," he says with a proud smile.

"I've seen it a few times," I say with a smile, "but okay."

"All right," he says as he hits play on the movie and he turns off the light on the table beside him on the couch. I put my feet up on the coffee table as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and I rest my head on his chest. I see the first 30 minutes of the movie but the soft strokes of his fingertips on my arm put me to sleep and I fall asleep with my head on his chest as the movie plays.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Dean spending the day with Gideon and Azzy? Do you think Dean wants more than co-parenting and friendship from Azzy? Do you feel that Azzy wants less than what Dean is willing to give her? What do you think about their co-parenting now? Is it still going good? Do you think Dean is trying to complicate things? What do you think of Azzy meeting McKenna and Cassie? Is that a good idea? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	4. Nature of Our Wrongs

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

I leave Azzy's apartment at 7 in the morning after waking up with her in my arms after we fell asleep watching the movie. I carried her to bed and left her a note reminding her that I won't be home for two weeks before I went to check on Gideon to see he was sleeping peacefully in his crib and didn't wake up once in the middle of the night. That's a first as far as I know. I make my way out of the apartment locking the door behind me before I head to my brother's diner for some breakfast before I head home. The sun shining in the sky as I make my way with a cool autumn chill in the air, I am need of a nice hot cup of coffee when I get to the diner. I pull into the parking lot and groan as I see my mom's car there as well as Richard's. I walk in to the diner and take a seat at the counter. "Wow, Dean," says Richard. "It looks like you had a rough night. Were you out at a wild party or something?"

"No," I say, "I just woke up."

"Oh," he says, "what can I get for you?"

"A cup of coffee and some scrambled eggs with bacon and toast please," I say as my mom walks over to me. "Good morning, Mom."

"Good morning, Dean," she says, "You're up early."

"Yeah," I say.

"Where were you last night? I stopped by your house and your security told me you weren't home."

"I was at a friend's house," I say, "I lost track of time."

"The only friend I know you were with yesterday was Azzy," she says, "were you at her house?"

"Yes," I say, "we spent the day together and then went back to her house to have some cake. We were watching a movie and we both fell asleep nothing wrong with that."

"I wish you would stay away from that girl," she says. "She is nothing but trouble, Dean. I understand you two have a child together but that doesn't mean you have to buy her birthday presents or spend her birthday with her. You take Gideon to her and pick him up from her there needs to be nothing in between."

"Oh so we can have a relationship like you and Dad?" I ask. "Look, I'm trying to keep things good between Azzy and me for Gideon's sake."

"I understand that," she says, "but there's a difference between making things good and over stepping the lines. Spending the night at her apartment is over stepping the lines."

"I get it," I say as Richard brings me my coffee. "You don't want me to talk to the mother of my child."

"I want you to communicate but I don't want you getting hurt again. After everything she did to us why would you even want to be friends with her? That baby wasn't supposed to happen and if you had been more careful he wouldn't be here."

"I have no problem with my son planned or not. We knew what we were doing when we took out her birth control."

"Mom, leave Dean alone about Azzy," says Richard. "It's good that they get along."

"But for him to spend the night at her house? That's not necessary next thing you know she's going to come out talking about she's pregnant again with his child. You don't know what men she's been with, Dean. That girl is nothing but trouble. She lies, she steals and God knows what else she does. She is trouble and you'll be smart to stay away from her. Just get your son and spend time with him not with her."

"Mom, sometimes we want to do stuff together with Gideon like yesterday we went to the school festival together as a family. It's only fair to him. He didn't ask to be born into this situation it just happened."

"If you wouldn't have slept with her when you weren't supposed to you wouldn't be in this position right now. I don't understand why you can't find someone older, someone more mature, someone more stable and someone that isn't a drug user. You deserve to be happy, Dean. I'm sure there are a million women out there that want a chance with Dean Ambrose and want to be your wife. I'm sure they are decent," she says as I take a sip of my coffee in amusement. She's trying really hard to get me to stay away from Azzy.

"Mom, you know Dean doesn't want one of those fan girls for a wife," says Richard.

"Thank-you," I say, "he's right, Mom. I liked Azzy because she didn't know who I was and she didn't care when she found out. She was the first woman to look at me and see me not the WWE superstar. I don't want someone to love me because of what I do. I want someone to love me because of who I am. I want someone to love me for me that can accept the fact that I was once an addict and that I'm still recovering. I want someone that's going to accept me for me and not because of what I do."

"Go to the grocery store, go out somewhere, find someone in your business to go out with," she says, "you're not a bad looking guy, Dean. I'm sure you can find a beautiful girl that will accept you as you are and not for what you do. You're a good guy and I don't think you should be wasting your energy on someone like Azzy. She doesn't deserve you. You deserve better than her. Look at all the pain she's caused you."

"She may have hurt me but she also gave me one of the greatest gifts of my life and that's Gideon. You can think of her any way you want to but that girl that you hate so much is the mother of your grandson and whether you like her or not she's going to be in our lives the rest of our lives. You better get used to it."

"She won't be in my life," she says, "I only care about that little boy not her."

"That woman is that little boy's mother and he loves her a lot."

"It sounds like you do too, Dean, please stay away from her. She is nothing but trouble. You know what happened the last time you were involved with her. Don't be stupid and let it happen again. She's nothing but trouble."

"Anyway," I say as Richard's waitress brings me my food. "I will be gone for a couple weeks but Azzy and I did agree that I will have Gideon on Thanksgiving."

"Wonderful," says my mom happily. "I can't wait to spend Thanksgiving with that little Turkey. What about Christmas?"

"We didn't talk about Christmas yet but I think that Azzy and I should spend Christmas together for Gideon."

"She's not allowed in my house, Dean."

"I know," I say, "I'll have Christmas at my house and invite her over. I'm just warning you now. She shouldn't spend Christmas alone and Gideon shouldn't spend Christmas without one of his parents. She's going to meet Cassie and McKenna."

"That doesn't sound like a good idea," says Richard. "Your ex-wife meeting your other baby mama it doesn't sound like it's going to end well."

"I think they'll get along fine. They have a lot in common," I say as I start to eat some of my food. "Cassie may be able to help Azzy with her recovery. Cassie has gone through this before too. I know that Azzy has a lot of fears about being a mom and messing up. I'm sure Cassie had the exact same fears. I'm hoping they can help each other."

"Cassie was kind of a bitch," says Richard, "I doubt that."

"Cassie was a nice girl," says my mom, "I would like to see Dean with her."

"Yeah right mom," says Richard. "Dean and Cassie pretty much destroyed each other back in the day. Are you forgetting that Cassie is part of the reason that Dean ended up in rehab. They got high together and pretty much brought each other down. I'm not holding Cassie responsible for Dean's addiction but she played a part in it. He chose to do his own drugs but she didn't stop him just like he didn't stop her. Cassie probably isn't someone he should be with."

"And Azzy is?" asks my mom.

"I never said that," says Richard, "I'm just saying that Cassie and Dean should never be together again. They have a kid together just like Dean and Azzy do. I think it's admirable that Dean is trying to keep a civil relationship with them and I see that he wants them to be civil toward each other. You can't keep telling Dean what to do. He will be 30 soon. He's a grown man and he can be with anyone that he wants. If it turns out to be Azzy then it's Azzy if it's someone else then it's someone else. You're holding a grudge against Azzy but you're forgetting that Dean was once an addict too. He was in the same position she was and yet you didn't shun him. He stole from us, he lied to us and he got into trouble but you never stopped loving him. You didn't turn your back on him when he got out. I may not be in charge of a recovery group but I do know that when someone gets out of rehab they have remorse for what they did and they're working on a 12 step program to better themselves. If you keep tearing them down they will go back to their old ways. Dean is doing the right thing with Azzy. He's being there for her like he should be. Azzy is probably ashamed of everything that's she's done to those she loves and she's going to want to make things right someday but right now she just wants people to believe in her. She wants people to tell her that she can do this not people telling her that she can't. Just like Dean needed when he got out, you gave him all the love that you could and look at him now. He's doing the same thing with Azzy because he wants to see her get better not for him but for their son. Gideon deserves that much. You don't have to like her, you don't have to love her but at least respect what your son has for her. If he loves her then he loves her, if he wants to be friends with her let them be friends. Let him do the right thing as a father for his son."

"Thank-you," I say.

"I'm just saying," she says before Richard interrupts her.

"Don't say anything," he says. "Just let it go."

"Fine," she says but I know she's really never going to let it go. She has never liked Azzy since the day I first brought her home and that was before we even knew she was doing drugs then Azzy didn't make it better by stealing from us and turning back to drugs. I hope that one day my mom will at least accept Azzy as the mother of her grandson and accept her period. I'm glad that Richard is standing up for her and it's not only me. I believe that Azzy is a good person and I believe she is really going to change. I know she will for Gideon and I want to see her succeed. I believe in her and will always have faith in her. She needs support from someone; she doesn't really have anyone.

 **A FEW DAYS LATER:**

 **AZZY's POINT OF VIEW:**

"Hello, Everyone," says Kim as she starts our group as we are gathered around.

"Hey," I say with a smile.

"Azzy," she says with a smile of her own. "How are you?"

"Good," I say, "I'm sorry that I had to bring Gideon tonight. His dad is away and I don't really have anyone to watch him and I didn't want to miss group tonight so I hope it's okay. If not I can leave."

"No," she says with a smile, "you're fine. I'm sure Gideon will be no problem."

"Thanks," I say with a smile as she gets ready to start the group. I have never brought Gideon to group with me before but I didn't want to miss tonight because I need to be here. I want to be here. If I miss one group everything could derail me off the track. I can't risk it. If Gideon gets too rowdy I'll leave but he seems to be content sitting in his stroller with his pacifier.

"So last time we discussed soul searching and checking ourselves for morality. Some of it wasn't pretty but that's part of the program. We don't always see ourselves in a good light but I assure you there is some good in there but being honest with yourself is one of the best things you can do. A while back at Step one each and every one of you admitted that you had a problem and addiction that you became powerless too and you were unable to manage it. I know that wasn't easy but it was the biggest step toward recovery. We followed that up by believing that we needed help and that a power greater than ourselves could help restore our sanity. Step 3 we turned our will and our lives over to God to take care of us and do his work in us. Last time we focused on Step 4 of our recovery by searching ourselves fearlessly and checking our morality. Some of us saw that what we did was not moral and the things that we did to achieve our addiction and to get our fix were morally wrong. That's great that you could see that. The truth isn't always easy to see in ourselves but once we find it we can move on. We learn to accept who we are and what we've done wrong and then we choose to change it, to better ourselves to become stronger not only for us but for those that love and care about us. We're a family here and we've all been through a lot otherwise we wouldn't be here. Is there anyone that would like to discuss what they found to be morally wrong with them with the group?" she asks. I raise my hand. "Azzy," she says with a smile, "you would like to talk about what you found?"

"Yes," I say as I stand up. "I was so addicted to the life of drugs. I needed to get my fix and I didn't care who I hurt to get that fix. I was dishonest with my friends and my family. I was dishonest with myself. I didn't want to admit to myself I had a problem. I kept getting my fix and kept lying to myself and everyone around me. My money started running out and I started to crave when I couldn't get my fix so I started to hurt the people I love. I would steal from them to get the money to pay for my drugs. I would steal from anywhere I could. I stole from my ex-boyfriend, I stole from my best friend's daughter she was 18 months old she was using that money for college, I stole from my job and I stole from my ex-boyfriend's mom. If I saw the money I would take it. I needed to take it so I could get my fix. I was a thief and a liar. I was a horrible person. I was stomping on everyone that was trying to help me, everyone that was trying to be there for me. I didn't care I was a horrible person. I was selfish. I needed my fix and if I took money from those that I loved it didn't matter to me as long as I wasn't hurting physically for not getting my fix. It wasn't only the money I was taking. I was cheating on my boyfriend with two guys and then their friends. I was paying debts for drugs by having sex with people. My boyfriend loved me but I didn't love him as much as he loved me. I was more worried about my drugs. I was wrong and I was selfish. I was a liar and a thief. I was inconsiderate to those that were taking the time to help me. I just worried about one thing and that was getting high, getting what I needed and it was wrong," I say honestly.

"Very good, Azzy," says Kim. "I'm glad that you can see the wrongs that you have done but as we move to Step 5 what caused you to do those wrongs? What caused you to turn to drugs? Do you know?"

"I don't really know," I say, "I just wanted to try heroin one time. That's it and then I ended up addicted. I was out on the streets living with a man that I barely even knew that got me high and supplied me with my heroin. I was 15 out on the streets. I was 15 on my own because my parents kicked me out because I didn't want to follow their rules."

"What kind of rules did you have to follow?" asks one of the girls in the group.

"Following my curfew, studying, doing well in school they always wanted me to do well in school. They always wanted me to be the best and always wanted me to be perfect. I couldn't be perfect. I couldn't be the best. I was never really good enough. I didn't belong in that family. I didn't belong with them. My sister was born and she was perfect. She was their dream everything became about her and they ignored me in the process. That's the child they always wanted. They never wanted me. I was just there. I was alone and didn't belong so I started hanging out with people that would accept me. Whether it was smoking with them, drinking with them, having sex with them, doing drugs with them they accepted me. They didn't make me feel like I didn't matter. They made me feel at home with them. Then it just got worse from there. When I was doing drugs I felt like I belonged in that world, no one judged me. None of my friends judged me. No one told me I was wrong. No one told me I was doing the wrong thing. I belonged. I just wanted to belong," I say, "I just wanted to be accepted and they were accepting me, they cared about me but my family they didn't accept me. They never did. I never belonged with them."

"That's interesting," says Kim. "Does anyone want to comment on why Azzy chose the path that she did and why she did the wrong things?"

"I would say because she felt like she didn't belong with her family so she turned to people that made her feel like she belonged. I think that it was the feeling of acceptance and the feeling of belonging that made her choose drugs," says one of the guys in the group. "As long as she was doing drugs she belonged somewhere. She belonged to people and she was accepted. She liked that feeling as much as she liked the high that came with it."

"Very good," says Kim. "Azzy, would you like to comment to that?"

"I actually agree," I say. "I liked the feeling of belonging as much as I liked the high. It made me feel good that people actually cared about me and wanted me with them. I was accepted but really they never did care about me. They just wanted to hurt me and I was just hurting myself," I say. "And then I hurt the people that truly did care about me because I wanted to belong and be accepted when really I wasn't allowing those trying to help me let me belong or accept me. I agree to what he said."

"Very good," says Kim. "Azzy, you can have a seat," she says to me. "What just happened with Azzy was she found the nature of her wrongs. She accepted it and admitted it. Everyone has an underlying problem that pushed us to do drugs whether it's to be accepted or something else there is always something bigger that pushes us to fall down the path of drugs. That was the point of Step 4 finding out what we did morally wrong now Step 5 is to share those wrongs, dig deep within ourselves and allow others to determine what pushed us to fall down the road that we were on. Thank-you, Azzy for volunteering you did great," she says making me smile. "That's what the rest of us are going to do now. We're going to share our wrongs, dig deep and find the bigger issue within ourselves and others."

At the end of group we had all gotten closer and we have all admitted to the bigger issue in our lives that pushed us to the path we fell down on. It's hard to dig deep within to find that issue but eventually after you hear the perspective of others it's easier to find, it's easier to dig deep to find it and see it but also accept it. Our next steps is to being ready to have God remove these defects from our character and then to ask him humbly to remove our shortcomings. I am ready for steps 6 and 7. I'm ready to have God remove the defects from my character, make me a better person and ready to ask him to do so. I'm ready. Once they're gone I can move on and become better. I just want to be a better person but Step 7 is followed by making a list of everyone I've hurt and need to make amends with that's going to be the hardest step yet besides Step 9.

I walk over to Kim after group with a sleeping Gideon in the stroller. "Hey, Kim," I say.

"Hey, Azzy," she says, "I'm proud of you. You're really starting to open up in group. You're doing a great job."

"Thanks," I say, "I'm ready to do steps 6 and 7," I say.

"Wonderful," she says with a smile. "That's great."

"Thanks," I say. "I want to do that now if it's okay. Can you do it with me?" I ask.

"Absolutely," she says with a smile as we walk off to a private section of the room so I can complete steps 6 and 7. She prays with me as I ask God to remove my shortcomings and forgive me of everything that I've done wrong in my life and to remove those wrongs from my character and help me be a better person. I have never been more relieved and felt so much better than I did after we prayed together about this. "How do you feel?"

"Better," I say with a smile. "I have something else to ask you."

"Okay," she says, "you can ask me anything you know that."

"Dean told me that you before while you were doing drugs that you were put out on the streets by people and you were forced to do things for drugs and to pay drug debts."

"Yes," she says, "It was a very hard time in my life. It was hard getting out and getting away from it because I had people holding me back, people that had me dependent on them which is what their plan was all along."

"I had the same thing happen to me. I was put on the streets when I was 15 almost 16 by a couple guys. They pumped me with drugs and they put me out on the streets. They made me dependent on them, they put me through hell; a lot of hell that lately I've been having nightmares about it. I'm so scared they're going to come back and get me, hurt me or hurt Gideon. I'm scared. The nightmares get worse every time but that hardest part is they weren't nightmares before they were events that actually happened. I cry every night. I don't want to sleep because I'm scared of the dreams of my once reality coming back to haunt me. I want to talk about it but I'm scared. I'm not ready to talk about it but I just want the nightmares to go away. Did you find it all hard to talk about?"

"Talking about it and admitting to what happened was the hardest part for me but once I did it I felt a lot better. I could finally move on past it. I felt relief. I was scared to open up too. I was scared to tell my story but I'm glad I did. It's something I needed to do. I know how hard it can be, Azzy. It's not easy talking about the past and everything you endured but you will feel better. It will help you in your recovery. You can never truly recover until you let go and you talk about it. You can't hold it back forever."

"I know but once it's out there it's out there and everyone will know what I have done just to get high. Everyone will know the hell that I went through and everything I dealt with in the last few years. I hate talking about it not because I'm only embarrassed but because it was the scariest thing I have ever been through in my life. I have seen things and done things I should have never seen, no one should ever see the things I have seen. I've seen things only people see in nightmares but talking about it is too hard for me. I try to start talking to my therapist about it but I stop myself because it hurts."

"You'll be admitting what happened and that pain will go away. Once you share your experiences you won't hurt anymore and you can move on. You want to be able to move on right?"

"Yes," I say.

"Then you need to talk about what happened. You need to put it out there and then handle it however you want to."

"What do you mean handle it however I want to?"

"For me," she says, "once I put it out there I pressed charges against the men that hurt me, the men that put me out on the streets everything they did to me I put on there and pressed charges against them. They are currently serving 35 years in prison because of everything they did not only to me but to others. It's up to you, Azzy. Talking about it will help you move on. It will help you feel better. You deserve to feel peace. I can't tell you how much at peace I feel now after talking about my time on the streets and putting the guys away that did this to me. Only you can make the decision," she says with a smile.

"I know," I say, "Thank-you, Kim."

"You're welcome," she says with a smile before I leave. I'm not sure if I am ready to talk about my time with Chris and Ty but I am ready to move past it, forget about the nightmares and lose the fear within me. They are the only people holding me back and I don't want to give them the power.

 ***A/N: What did you think of DEan spending the night at Azzy's apartment? Do you think his mom will ever accept Azzy? What did you think of Richard standing up for her? What did you think of Azzy in group finding the bigger issue that pushed her to do drugs? Do you think it was the feeling of acceptance and belonging that kept her on the drug path? What about her admitting to her wrongs? Do you think she will ever be able to talk about Chris and Ty? What do you think of her fears of them coming back? What do you think about her having nightmares about it? Do you think that talking about it will help with her fears and her nightmares? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	5. The Dark Comes To Light

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

 ***WARNING: Some of the material in this chapter is hard to read.**

 **AZZY:**

I pace around my therapist's office as he watches me. I walk back and forth getting ready to speak at any moment and then I stop myself each time I say the word I. I wanted to believe that I was finally ready to talk and finally ready to let it all out but I'm not sure I'm ready to. I keep pacing back and forth his blue eyes watching me as I pace back and forth. He sits holding his tablet in his hand, his glasses on his face, his hand resting under his chin as he wears a light blue sweater with a white turtleneck underneath. "Azzy," he says, "is there something on your mind?" I keep pacing ignoring his question. "I can't help you unless you tell me what's on your mind. Is it Dean?"

"No," I say.

"Is it Gideon?" he asks.

"No," I say as I continue to pace. "I'm having nightmares," I finally say out loud.

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere. So you're having nightmares?" he asks as I stop pacing.

"Yes," I say as I take a seat on the couch. "I'm having nightmares."

"What are these nightmares about?"

"Everything that happened," she says. "I tried to forget EVERYTHING but they are haunting me in my sleep. I can't sleep. I'm a mess. I haven't slept for like a week now and I'm tired. I'm messing up on my job because I'm not awake enough and I can't afford to lose my job. I'm a mess. They are still controlling me even though I haven't seen them for months. They are still controlling me. I'm scared to sleep because I keep living it over and over again. They are still controlling me," I say with exhaustion. The nightmares of Chris and Ty have gotten worse since I told Kim about them last week. They have gotten really bad, I feel everything all over again. I am reliving every day of hell I spent with them. I can't get rid of them.

"Who is still controlling you, Azzy? You have to tell me. I can't help you unless you do."

"Chris and Ty," I say, "they're still controlling me."

"So the nightmares are about them?" he asks.

"Yes," I say, "the nightmares are about them."

"Okay what is happening in these nightmares?" he asks.

"I'm reliving every single thing that happened to me while I was with them. I am living it over again and feeling everything all over again. I'm scared they're going to come after me and Gideon. They're not gone forever. They're laying low they're going to come back and they're going to hurt me. They're going to hurt Gideon," I say. "It's what they do. They wanted to kill me. They wanted to kill me that day but they didn't. They're going to kill me," I say.

"Okay," he says, "just relax. You haven't heard from Chris and Ty for 9 months," he says. "They probably have no idea where you are and I'm sure they aren't coming back. They aren't going to hurt you."

"They always come back," I say, "they ALWAYS come back. They'll find me. They ALWAYS find me."

"Okay, Azzy, I really need you to open up about them. Whatever happened with them is destroying you right now. You're not sleeping, you're living in fear, whatever happened you need to talk about it. I told you I wasn't going to push you but this situation is obviously destroying you slowly. I'm scared that if it starts to destroy you any further that you're going to turn back to drugs. You've been doing so well the last couple months and you have so much planned that you want to do. I don't want to see you give it all up because of these two guys. Keeping hold of these memories, Azzy they are only holding you back. Keeping these memories are holding the power over you and you're right they are still controlling you. They are still running your life. You can't give them that power. You can tell me about it, Azzy. I promise I am not here to judge you. I'm just here to help you," he says.

I take a deep breath and say, "I was 15 when I met Chris and Ty. I was just a little girl but yet I knew the life of living on the streets at least I thought I did. The guy that promised me marriage and life of happiness died from drugs. I tried to get clean but I couldn't. I was pregnant, alone and living on the streets. There wasn't really anything I could do. I was scared. I couldn't have a baby not like that. The baby was addicted and it didn't have a brain what was I supposed to do. It was dying inside of me. I met Chris and Ty by buying drugs from them. They seemed nice, they seemed to really care about me and they seemed to be decent guys but I was so wrong. They were the most horrible people I had ever met. They are the closest things to the devil that I have ever met. They offered to take me in, help me out and take care of me. I told them I was pregnant and I told them about the situation with the baby. They told me they could help me. They told me they would take care of it since I didn't have the money for an abortion. They took it into their own hands and did the abortion themselves. They aborted my baby with a clothes hanger. It was the most horrific and painful thing I had ever been through. It hurt so bad, I cried and I cried but they got rid of the baby. They told me to toughen up and stop crying it was over but the truth was everything was just beginning. It was only the beginning of the hell that I would endure with them."

"So they performed an illegal abortion on you?"

"Yes," I say, "I was 15 and I had no money what else was I going to do? It was the only thing that I could do. I'm not proud of it," I say. "They gave me food and they gave me clothes to wear. They gave me drinks and supplied me with drugs. It seemed good at first but then they started to tease me with food. There were times they didn't let me eat until I did something for them like a blow job or something like that. I had to prove to them that I really wanted that food they did the same thing with the drugs. I needed to prove to them just how much I really needed it or how much I really wanted it. If I didn't show them I didn't get it. They locked me in a bedroom my first month there so I wouldn't escape. Night after night they would take turns raping me and sometimes they would rape me together said they needed to break me in and see that I could handle it. They needed to see if I was eligible for their kind of work. Night after night I cried. Every night I wanted to die each time they raped me breaking me in the way they wanted me to. They didn't let me shower for a month. It was the most disgusting time of my life. If I had to use the bathroom there was a bucket in the room for me to use. They weren't risking me running away. The windows in the bedroom were nailed shut. I tried. I tried so hard to get away but I couldn't. One night they tied me to the bed and pumped so much heroin into my system and gave me all the drugs they could. I was as high as a kite. I felt so good nothing could bother me. I was hooked. I needed the drugs and I needed to eat. They needed sex so I did what I needed to do. I stopped fighting the sex after a while and just let them get what they wanted so I could get what I wanted. That's how I was rewarded every time I had sex with them I got drugs or I got food. I learned that. It was how I survived. After a while they finally let me out of the bedroom. They let me walk around the apartment. They let me take a shower. I had never felt better taking a shower. I loved it but they didn't do it for nothing," I say. "They were getting me ready putting me out on the streets. They put me out on the streets to buy drugs and the payment wasn't in cash it was me. I had to have sex with everyone they bought drugs from. I can't even count how many sex partners I have had but it's a lot. It didn't stop there they had parties. Parties where I was used, raped and beaten for their entertainment, man after man they prepped me by pumping me with drugs so I would be relaxed. Sometimes more than one guy at a time, it was rough. They filmed it all the time. Every time I would cry they would hit me and laugh each time they did. I was ripped and torn so many times. I had numerous pregnancies and each time they took the clothes hanger and did an abortion. They didn't want me pregnant. They couldn't risk me having a baby. They raped me every day of my life multiple times a day, they beat me around every chance they could putting fear into me. I tried to escape a few times but they always found me and the punishment was the worst. I was burned, I was cut, I was beaten and raped. I never did it again. The only reason I got away from them before I met Dean was because I got in trouble. I managed to get away because they abandoned me. This life went on for 2 years and I was so grateful when I got away finally. I was doing so good. I had a boyfriend that I did love someone that loved me. I was doing so good. I was on the right path then they came back into my life and shook it all up. I know I shouldn't have gone with them but I knew that if I didn't they would have done something horrible so I went with them. I got hooked on drugs again. I got raped again over and over again. Every time Dean was away for the weekend they found me. They were trying to keep me, trying to get me back out on the streets again. I found out I was pregnant the last day I saw them. I knew I had to get out of there before they found out or I would have lost Gideon. I'm honestly really surprised that I could still make a baby. I never thought I would be able to because there has to be some type of damage from all those abortions. It was horrific," I say with tears in my eyes as I grip onto the couch, my knuckles white. I just want to throw up thinking about it. I excuse myself from the room and find the bathroom. I throw up in the bathroom for what seems like years before I go back into the office. "I'm sorry. I got sick."

"It's okay," he says, "Azzy, I'm sorry that you went through all that. Things like that can really mess someone up. I can see why you're scared. Why didn't you press charges that day they left you for dead?"

"Because I know if I press charges they will hurt the people that I love and when I say people that I love I mean Dean. They know how much I love him," I say. "They're going to hurt him."

"What do you mean?"

"Dean is a celebrity whether he wants to admit it or not. People know him. They want to hurt him. They want to hurt him, they want to rob him. That's what they were planning on doing that day. They're laying low right now but they're going to strike and they are going to come after me, they're going to go after Dean and they are going to go after Gideon. I'm scared," I say as tears fall from my eyes. "I messed up when it came to them. I never should have went with them but I did. They have controlled my life the last two years and they are still controlling it. It hurts so much. It kills me every day knowing I ruined my life the way I did with them. And the nightmares won't go away they keep coming back getting worse each time. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything. I am looking over my shoulder all the time. I can't risk something happening to Gideon. He's everything to me. I love that little boy so much. I'm scared."

"I know," he says handing me a tissue. "And the only way you can get help for the fear is go to the police station file a restraining order against them, a protection of abuse order from them so they can't contact you, they can't touch you."

"The hardest part about that is you have to know where they live. They're squatters. They don't have a set address. They go all over. They took me all over. You can't find them unless they want to be found," I say. "And they don't want to be found. They're probably turning some other little girl out right now as we speak pumping her with drugs, ruining her life. It's not a good thing. It's something I have to live with the rest of my life. Every scar that I have I'll be reminded of when and where it came from. I just want them gone from my life and want them out of my mind so I can move on with my life."

"How old are Chris and Ty, Azzy?"

"Chris is probably 31 and Ty is 25," I say, "they're brothers."

"Okay," he says typing something into his tablet. "What they did, Azzy is illegal, the rape, the drugs, the beating, keeping you captive it's all illegal."

"I know," I say. "I know what's legal and what's not legal."

"I'm not pushing you what to do but it might be a good idea to press charges against Chris and Ty for everything they did to you. You could get them in jail and all those abortions depending on when they were could be considered murder and they could be in jail the rest of their lives."

"I can't press charges against them," I say. "I can't press charges against them. They will come after me. I can't press charges against them. Something could happen to Gideon. I can't do that."

"It's up to you and what you want to do, Azzy. I can't make the decision for you but to get closure on this you might have to press charges to get that closure."

"I can't," I say. "I can't press charges against them."

"Think about it, Azzy and also get some type of protection from them. If they came back before," he says.

"They're going to come back again," I say finishing his sentence. "I know. It's just a matter of time." And I know it is just a matter of time before Chris and Ty reappear and that thought alone is uncomforting. It makes me feel like I have to look over my shoulder everywhere I go. They wanted me dead the last time they saw me. They didn't succeed which means they still have a job to finish. They don't give up easily.

 **THE NEXT DAY:**

It's Thanksgiving and Dean has Gideon. I promised him he could have him for the holiday since I had to work this morning for a couple of hours and I just finished doing some studying. I made myself a couple Hot Pockets for dinner and now I'm sitting in the living room with a piece of paper thinking of all the people I hurt and all the people I need to make amends with. I didn't mean to hurt people but when you get caught up in the life you just do things you never thought you would like hurting the people that you love. You just do what you need to do to get your fix. I start jotting down names onto my piece of paper. This is going to be the hardest step for me but I have to do it. I have to make amends with everyone that I hurt.

 _Mom_

 _Dad_

 _Hope_

 _Brooke_

 _Kylie_

 _Dean_

 _Dean's mom_

 _Richard_

That's a small list of people that I've hurt and the only ones I can really think of right now. I look over the list and I keep looking at my mom's name. I am about to call my mom when my doorbell rings scaring me causing me to jump. I put my list down on the coffee table and walk to the door. I look through the peephole and see that it's Dean standing out there. I open the door. "Dean, what are you doing here? Where's Gideon?"

"Richard has him," he says, "he was sleeping so I left him at home."

"Okay, so why are you here?" I ask as I let him into my apartment.

"I brought you some food. I figured you might like a nice home cooked Thanksgiving dinner. I have turkey, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole and corn for you. I also brought you a piece of pumpkin pie."

"Thanks," I say with a smile as I take the plate from him and take it to the kitchen. I put it in the fridge except for the pumpkin pie. "You really didn't have to bring me food."

"I wanted to. I don't think you should spend Thanksgiving alone," he says, "Gideon did well all he ate was formula but he enjoyed it. My family loves him."

"That's good," I say as we sit down at my kitchen table. "I'm happy that they all love him. He's kind of hard not to love," I say with a smile.

"Yeah, he's great," he says with a smile. "So what did you have for dinner?"

"Hot Pockets," I say with a smile as I eat my pumpkin pie. "It was a good dinner better than I had before."

"I bet," he says with a smile. "So how is it going?"

"Okay," I say, "I'm doing all right. I told my therapist about Chris and Ty and everything that happened with them. It was hard."

"I can imagine, you didn't tell me the whole story did you?"

"I told you a watered down, PG version of the story but not the whole thing," I say, "it was just a bad time in my life that I was trying to forget but I can't. It's there all the time. I feel better now that I told him my story."

"I'm glad you told him your story, Azzy. That's a big step."

"Yeah, he wants me to press charges against them."

"Are you going to?" he asks.

"I don't know. I mean it could get dangerous, Dean. I don't know if I can press charges. I'm scared."

"No one is going to force you to do something you don't want to do but if you want to find closure with that situation then you have to press charges but it's all up to you. I know it probably isn't easy. It's going to be hard but you will find some closure."

"I guess," I say, "and it's not like anyone is going to find them unless they want to be found."

"I'm sure they could be found," he says, "if the right people get involved."

"Yeah good luck with that," I say. "I'm not looking for them and I'm not stirring trouble. They're leaving me alone and they are leaving Gideon alone. That's all that matters."

"For how long though, Azzy? They came back before I'm sure they will come back again. You should think about this, pray about it and see what you come up with. If you need someone to talk to you know I'm here for you like I always am. Just because we're not together doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I want to stay friends and I want to be there for you."

"Thanks," I say with a smile. "This was good pie," I say with a smile. "Your mom hates me doesn't she?"

"She's not fond of you but hate is a strong word. She's not happy with the things you have done. It's going to take some time to get back on her good side."

"I figured," I say, "I'm making a list of people I hurt and need to make amends with. Your mom is on that list."

"I figured. You're that far in your steps?"

"Yeah," I say with a smile. "I'm almost done. I only have a few more steps to go."

"That's really good," he says with a smile. "I'm proud of you, Azzy. You're doing a great job."

"And I'm going to continue going to group when I complete my steps. I still need it. And I love going to the therapist. I love it. It's really helping me."

"That's good," he says with a smile. "I have a question for you."

"Okay," I say, "what's up?"

"Tomorrow I am meeting up with Cassie and McKenna. We're going to Chuck E. Cheese for the afternoon. I am taking Gideon with me and I wanted to know if you wanted to come or not."

"I can't. I have to work till 4 tomorrow," I say. "Maybe another day."

"Okay," he says, "I really want you to meet McKenna and Cassie. I'll have to set something up in the next couple weeks."

"Yeah that would be good," I say with a smile. "Just let me know when."

"Okay," he says, "so I go back out on the road on Saturday morning. Do you want me to drop Gideon off with you after you get off work or do you want me to drop him off on Saturday morning before I leave?"

"Tomorrow night," I say, "I miss my little Chunky Monkey."

"Okay," he says, "I should let you go," he says as he stands up.

"Thanks for the food, Dean. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome," he says with a smile. "You know I'm only a phone call away if you want to talk."

"Thanks," I say with a smile.

"Well, have a good night, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"See you tomorrow," I say as I walk him to the front door. I let him out and then shut the door behind him. I lock the door and go back to the living room to add some more people to my list before I go to sleep. I went the night before without nightmares I hope to get through tonight without nightmares.

 ***A/N: What did you think about Azzy opening up about Chris and Ty finally? What do you think about everything she went through? Are you surprised she is as messed up as she is after all that? Does she have a reason to be scared? Do you think she should press charges against them and get some type of protection from them? What do you think about Dean showing up at her apartment to bring her food? Are you glad that Azzy is making a list of people she hurt to make amends with them? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	6. Love Me Or Love Me Not

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.***

 **DEAN's POINT OF VIEW:**

"You're going to meet your big sister today," I tell Gideon as I am getting him ready to go to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm not too sure what all he's going to do there since he is only almost 3 months old but at least McKenna is meeting her baby brother. He looks up at me with a smile on his face showing off his pink gums and his blue eyes sparkling in the light as I change his diaper. I love my son so much. He's pretty much everything to me. I love both my kids. If I could have more kids I would but right now I'll focus on these two and having a relationship with them. I fasten his diaper before I snap his blue bodysuit with a little brown monkey on the chest with the words that say Daddy's sidekick before I pull on his brown pants. I pick him up off the changing table, throw away his diaper and wash my hands before I get him ready to go to Chuck E. Cheese.

Gideon and I arrive at Chuck E. Cheese and make our way inside the noisy restaurant and he starts to cry immediately from all the noise. I dig in the diaper bag for his pacifier and give it to him as I see Cassie sitting at a table with McKenna. I smile as I make my way over to her. "Hey," I say.

"Hey," she says with a smile.

"I'm sorry I'm late," I say.

"It's okay. I ordered us a pizza already and you can get whatever you want to drink."

"Thanks," I say as I look at McKenna. She has grown since the last time I saw her and she is even more beautiful. She stands up to give me a hug. "Hey, Baby Girl," I say as I hug her as I putting Gideon's car seat down on the floor beside me. "How do you like Cincinnati so far?"

"It's okay," she says as I kiss the top of her head. "I'm happy to be closer to you."

"I'm happy that you're closer," I say with a smile. "Would you like to meet your baby brother?" I ask.

"Yes," she says with a smile as she looks down at him. I smile as I get down to pick him up out of his seat. "He's so cute," she says with a smile as I take him out of his jacket. "Hi," she says with a smile as she plays with him making him smile. "What's his name?"

"Gideon," I say with a smile. "Gideon, this is your big sister McKenna."

"Hi," says McKenna as she plays with him. "Can I hold him?"

"Sure,' I say with a smile as I hand him to her. "Just watch his head," I say. I don't want anything to happen to him on my watch.

"Okay," she says as she holds him in her arms. I pull out my phone and take a picture of the two together as Gideon looks up at McKenna and she looks down at him.

"How old is he?" asks Cassie with a smile as she looks at him.

"He'll be 3 months old in a couple weeks," I say.

"He's a big baby for only being 2 months old. What size clothes is he wearing?"

"He's a big boy," I say with a smile, "He's in a 3-6 months. He likes to eat."

"Chubby babies are the cutest," she says with a smile. "Kenna is in her Heaven, she loves babies."

"I can tell," I say with a smile. "So Kenna," I say, "How is school going for you?"

"Good," she says with a smile. "I think he likes me."

"I think he does too," I say with a smile, "so is she going to continue to be home-schooled or is she going to go to a regular school?" I ask.

"I think she's going to continue on with her home-school. I don't want her in the school system. I've been home schooling her since she was 5 years old. I want to keep it that way."

"Okay," I say, "do you need any help with that or no?"

"There isn't really anything you could really do to help me. It's pretty much 4 hours of the day. I work with her, send her to daycare and then go to work."

"Did you find a job here yet?"

"I'm looking," she says as they bring us our pizza. I take Gideon from McKenna so that she can eat.

"I'm not having any luck. I probably should have landed a job before I came out here," she says, "but I didn't think about that. I just wanted to get out of South Dakota."

"I'm sure you'll find something soon."

"I hope," she says, "I only have so much in savings to live off of until I have nothing."

"You know I'll help you out," I say, "that's not even an issue."

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You don't have to I'm volunteering to help you if you need it. You're the mother of one of my children. I'll help you if you need me to."

"Thanks," she says, "but we should be all right for now. The apartment is nice."

"Good," I say with a smile as we eat our pizza before McKenna goes off to play some games leaving Cassie and I alone to talk to each other. "So how do you want to work this out?"

"Work what out?" she asks.

"The visitation now that you're here I want McKenna to come to my house and spend some time there."

"I don't know," she says, "how does it work with Gideon?"

"Well, I have him Wednesdays and Thursdays. Then he goes back to his mom on Fridays," I say. "We can do the same with McKenna."

"But how am I supposed to home school her if she's gone two days out of the week?"

"I don't know," I say, "I'm not home on the weekends usually. I'm out on the road Friday night through Tuesday night."

"Well, while school is in session she can't spend the night at your house. She can't miss school to visit her dad but I am willing to give you a couple hours on Wednesdays and Thursday nights while school is in session but in the summer I am fine with her spending those nights there."

"Okay," I say, "fair enough, I'll respect that for now. You act like I can't home school her."

"Come on, Dean," she says, "you weren't always the best in school."

"Doesn't mean I can't do 6th grade work or walk her through 6th grade work. I'm not an idiot. I may have made the dumb choice to drop out of school but I'm not an idiot. I know stuff."

"Wrestling doesn't count as knowledge," she says, "I think it's better that you just get her a couple hours those nights during the school year and then in the summer you can have her as much as you want. Does that seem fair?"

"As long as I get to see her every week," I say, "I'll take what I can get."

"How does it all work with you and Azzy, did you two go to court or anything?"

"No we actually compromise a lot. We don't really argue about Gideon," I say as I feed him a bottle. "We picked the nights I would have him and the days she would have him. Then for holidays we just compromise on what to do. I don't see any need to go to court as long as we are working together."

"That's good," she says, "do you have to pay her child support?"

"Not court ordered," I say, "I give her some money once a month to help pay for things for him but for the most part she's pretty independent and buys most of his things. I just try to help out here and there."

"Oh," she says with a nod. "And you trust her with your money? You don't think she's going to spend it on drugs?"

"I trust her completely. Gideon is well taken care of and she's doing really well. Any money I give to her goes to Gideon's needs. She buys him diapers and wipes and whatever he needs with my money. She doesn't really need it but I want her to have it. I don't want her to think she's in this alone."

"I hear you," she says. "So everything is all right with her then?"

"Yes," I say, "things are all right with her right now."

"Good to hear," she says with a smile. "Are you two still together or no?"

"Not together," I say. "We are both single and co-parenting."

"I see," she says, "So have you given it any thought about us?"

"I have thought about it," I say, "but I don't think there is an us anymore, Cassie. You had your chance with me. I may not have been the best guy, hell I know I wasn't the best guy but you weren't the best either. You and I brought out the worst in each other. We weren't really good for each other before you know that. We were only together for the drugs and we only got married because we got pregnant. I wanted to make it work though back then. I went to rehab to get clean so I could be a better dad to McKenna and so that I could be a better husband to you. Hell, I wanted to be a better man in general but I mainly did it so that we could be a family but instead of you giving me a chance to prove to you that I changed," I say as I burp Gideon, "you took my daughter and left. Then you made me wait till she was 11 years old to be in her life again and all because you split from your other husband. Cassie, we're not good for each other."

"We're older now, Dean. You're almost 30 and I am almost 30. We have grown up since then. I think we would be good together now."

"Cassie, I don't think we would. You and I together was a train wreck. WE were always hurting each other, we were always fighting and before McKenna we spent our time getting high. I just want to be friends that's it. I have no desire to be romantically involved with you. You had your chance but you chose to walk away and never bothered to give me a chance to prove myself to you. I needed you when I got out of rehab. I sat in rehab every day thinking about you and what we could have had. I wanted it all with you. I wanted to have the life with you and McKenna. That's what I wanted. You sent me letters telling me how much you loved me and couldn't wait for me to get out so we could be a family but as soon as I was out you were on your way to South Dakota and locked me out of your life but you took my daughter from me. That hurt me more than anything."

"Like you never hurt me, Dean? You weren't perfect in our relationship either. Do you want me to open up the shit you used to do to me? How about the time you put your hands on me and you hit me that one time? You abandoned me with a baby to go to rehab."

"I went to rehab to help myself, to help us so that I could get the help that I needed so I could focus on our family, do a better job for our family. I put my hands on you once and that was the end of it. You know how it happened and you know what triggered that. I would never do it again. I would have never done it again. You know what kind of mindset I was in. I wasn't right. Don't you dare throw that back in my face, I took my steps. I fixed myself but you were so selfish that you had to walk away before letting me prove myself to you. You never gave me a chance. I regret the fact I ever put my hands on you. If I could go back to that night I would and I would change everything about it. It was a bad night between us. You weren't innocent either. You hit me too. See, Cassie, this is why we can't be together. We bring out the worst in each other and we hurt one another. I'm sorry, Cassie."

"And what about the kiss?"

"That was a mistake," I say, "it should have never happened. I apologize."

"You didn't feel anything in that kiss? You don't love me?"

"I love you because you are the mother of McKenna but I don't love you any other way. We had our time together and it didn't end well, remember it was YOU that left me. I was willing to make it work, I was willing to give you two a good life, give you everything but you left me and married someone else in South Dakota. Can you honestly say you love me or is it the thought that I was with someone else that drove you back to having feelings for me?"

"I'm not jealous of Azzy," she says, "I just thought that we could be a family again."

"And like I said you had your chance, Cassie. You left me we could have been a family but you left me and never gave me the chance."

"I want to try now."

"No, Cassie, I'm not trying now."

"So you would rather be with Azzy than with me?"

"Who said I was with Azzy? Azzy is a friend. She is the mother of my son just like you're the mother of my daughter."

"So you're saying you'll never end up with her?"

"Whatever happens with Azzy and me is our business not yours."

"She's not even stable, Dean."

"She's working on herself," I say. "I don't want to talk about her. I do want you two to meet each other and I want her to meet McKenna."

"I have no interest in meeting her and I don't want McKenna around her."

"You two both have children with me. It's best that you two get along and I am not keeping McKenna out of her life. There is nothing wrong with Azzy."

"There's a lot wrong with her."

"Are you forgetting that you had the same issues she did? If anything I thought that you could help her, be a friend to her and help her out."

"Don't make her my fucking charity case, Dean. I will be friendly towards her out of respect for you but I will not be her best friend."

"All right," I say, "that's all that I ask that you two are friendly with each other."

"I don't like it," she says, "but I guess I have to."

"Thank-you," I say as Gideon falls asleep in my arms.

"So there's no chance for you and me to happen, not even the slightest?" she asks with hope in her voice.

"No chance, Cassie, I'm sorry. I will always love you as the mother of my child but nothing ever more than that. I'm sorry. I don't think back then we were even in love with each other. I think it was more of being in love with the idea of each other. Nothing good ever comes from something like that. I just want to be friends and work together for McKenna's sake."

"Okay," she says with defeat in her voice. "I guess I can work with that."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile.

 **LATER THAT EVENING:**

I am sitting in the living room playing with Gideon when the doorbell rings. I stand up and walk to the front door. I smile as I see Azzy standing there in her work clothes covered up in a plaid jacket. "Hey," I say with a smile.

"Hey," she says. "Is he ready to go?"

"Almost," I say, "Come in," I say letting her come into the house so I can finish getting Gideon ready for her. "How was work?"

"It was good," she says. "How was your day with McKenna and Gideon?"

"It was good. Gideon loves his big sister already and she loves him."

"That's good," she says. "I'm happy about that. They should have a relationship with each other even though they are half siblings they should still have the time together."

"And they will. I will be getting McKenna on Wednesdays and Thursdays as well so I'm looking forward to that."

"Someone is going to have their hands full," she says with a smile. "I hope you can handle that."

"McKenna is practically almost 12 years old," I say, "she can pretty much take care of herself."

"That's true," she says as I get Gideon into his jacket.

"So what are you plans for Christmas?" I ask.

"Christmas? That's so far away," she says, "why are we talking about Christmas the day after Thanksgiving?"

"Because it will be here before we know it," I say, "do you want to go half on Christmas presents for him?"

"What all does a baby his age need for Christmas? It's not like he needs a whole bunch of stuff," she says. "I was just thinking about getting him some clothes and some toys nothing extreme. I don't want to go overboard. He's not even going to know what Christmas is this year maybe next year."

"Good point," I say, "I just never got the opportunity to buy Christmas gifts for McKenna so I want to do that for Gideon."

"I'm sure he will be fine with a couple gifts, it's not like he's going to open them or anything."

"But we can start traditions with him," I say, "I want to take him to see Santa Claus and I want to decorate a tree with him. I want to do this together."

"Dean, but we aren't together why do you insist on trying to do all this family stuff, we're not a family. We're two people with a child together. I know what you want to do and I think it's great but once again I don't want Gideon getting confused. You're going to find a woman and then what? You'll just stop all the traditions you and I did together so you can be with her. That's not fair and I don't want to start anything like that with him. You do your thing with him and I'll do my thing with him for Christmas."

"But I feel like we should be together on Christmas. I want you to spend the night here on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas Day with us. I want to hold Christmas here. I think that we should all spend Christmas together. Gideon shouldn't be without one of his parents for Christmas."

"Dean," she says, "I'll think about it but that's pushing it."

"It's nothing but co-parenting," I say, "think about it okay?" I ask as I put Gideon into his car seat for her.

"I will," she says, "but Dean, you don't have to feel sorry for me. You don't' have to try to make me feel part of a family. I am okay."

"I just care about you," I say, "that's it."

"Look, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. You'll be picking him up on Wednesday right?"

"Yes, I'll pick him up from daycare on Wednesday."

"All right," she says as she picks up the car seat. "Say goodbye to Daddy."

"Bye, Gideon," I say with a smile before I kiss his forehead. "I love you."

"Bye, Dean," she says, "have a safe trip. I'll see you Wednesday."

"See you Wednesday," I say as I walk her to the front door.

 ***A/N: What did you think of McKenna's reaction to Gideon? Do you think they need to have a relationship with each other? What did you think about Dean's and Cassie's talk? Did Dean do the right thing telling her ther will never be anything between them? Do you think Dean being with Azzy made Cassie redevelop feelings for him? What did you think of Dean asking Azzy to spend Christmas with him? What did you think of Azzy's reaction? And do you think her spending Christmas together is a good or bad idea? Why do you think Dean is so hooked on Azzy and doing family things together? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	7. Amends

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!***

Admitting when you did something wrong isn't easy. It's not the easiest task in the world. You really have to look at yourself and see the wrongs that you did. It's not easy because no one ever wants to be wrong but it happens. I have done a lot of wrong in my life and I have hurt a lot of people, people that cared about me and loved me. They just wanted to see me do my best but of course I hurt them in ways I never thought possible. Making amends with those that you did wrong isn't any easier. I made a list of all the people I have hurt in the last few years and I am not sure I am ready to face all of them to tell them I'm sorry but I have to do this. As hard as it may be it's something that I need to do so I have three people from my list that I want to make amends with and right the wrongs with them. I'm not asking for friendship or a relationship just letting them know I'm sorry for what I did to them and sorry for hurting them. The first person I need to make amends with is Brooke. I stole from her child. She let me stay in her house and I stole from her little girl.

I walk into my old apartment building and make my way to Brooke's door. I knock on it nervously and wait for her to answer the door. I can hear Kylie inside the door talking and then I hear a man's voice before the lock on the door. A tall man with a dark complexion opens the door. "Can I help you?"

"Is Brooke here?" I ask.

"Yes," he says, "who are you?"

"Azzy," I say.

"Azzy, come in," he says as I walk into the apartment. He calls for Brooke before picking Kylie up and taking her to the kitchen to give her some lunch.

"Azzy," says Brooke as she sees me standing in the living room as she walks out of the bedroom visibly pregnant in a pink t-shirt and black sweat pants. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you. It won't be long, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay," she says as she motions for me to have a seat on the couch. She takes a seat across from me. "How are you doing?"

"Good," I say, "I'm getting better. I've been sober for 10 months now."

"That's great, Azzy, I'm proud of you. You look good. You look healthy."

"I am," I say with a smile, "and look at you, you're pregnant."

"Yeah," she says with a smile. "I'm due in January it's another little girl," she says.

"Congratulations," I say with a smile.

"And what about you, you had a little boy didn't you?"

"Gideon," I say with a smile. "He's a good kid. He's 2 months old. He'll be 3 months old at the end of the month. He is the greatest gift I have ever been given. I love him."

"That's good," she says with a smile.

"Brooke," I say taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I stole from Kylie. I never should have done that. I wasn't in the right state of mind and I just needed to find money anywhere that I could find it. I had easy access to her piggy bank and just took the money. I'm sorry for that after everything that you did for me. I'm sorry that I treated you so poorly. I know that all you ever wanted to do was help me and instead I ended up betraying you and hurting you. I'm sorry for hurting Kylie. I'm sorry, Brooke," I say.

"Azzy, I understand people do things when they are addicted. It wasn't right. I'm not saying that it was but underneath everything that happened you are a good person. I know that for a fact. I'm not making excuses for what you did but I am saying I understand why you did it. You did it because you were stuck in a place that you were desperate for money and you took it anywhere you could get it. You paid it back and it's all good," she says, "I'm not happy that you stole from my daughter but I'm not going to hold it against you. You seem to be doing all right for yourself and you seem to be doing really well with your recovery. I'm happy for you. I don't want there to be issues between us, Azzy. We have been through a lot together and you know me better than anyone and I know you better than anyone. You're my best friend. You're like a little sister to me. I love you, Azzy and I just want to see you do well for yourself and Gideon."

"Thank-you, Brooke, I love you."

"I love you too, Girl," she says, "I want you to promise me you'll continue to keep doing well."

"I promise," I say with a smile.

"Good," she says with a smile. "We can put this all behind us and we can move on from it. Start our friendship new if that's what you would like to do. I'm sure Kylie would love to have Gideon as a friend and we can have playdates with the babies."

"I want to put it all behind us," I say with a smile. "I want a new slate with you. I really screwed up."

"We all screw up, Az, I screwed up before too. We've been there. The fact that you are admitting it and apologizing for it shows that you have grown up a lot in the last few months. I see a whole new maturity in you. Whatever happened months ago is gone, it's done and forgotten about. I'm sorry that I kicked your ass when I did."

"I deserved it," I say.

"Maybe but I could have handled it better. Hear from Chris or Ty?"

"No I am trying to keep them out of my life and keep them far away from me," I say. "I don't want them back in my life."

"Good," she says as silence falls between us. "For what it's worth, Azzy, Dean really loves you. He has always loved you. He cares about you. You had a good man in him. I'm sure he's just as amazing of a father to Gideon."

"He is," I say with a smile. "He was a good man," I say. "A really good man, I don't think any guy has ever cared about me the way he did and like everyone else I hurt him."

"You can always make things right, Azzy," she says, "you're not a bad person, you just made bad choices. I love you."

"I love you too," I say with a smile before we share a hug with one another. It feels good to have my friend back. We spend some time talking about things we've been up to lately and I showed her pictures of Gideon. We set up a playdate and a day for us to hang out with one another. I do need some friends and Brooke has always been a good friend to me. She understands my struggle and understands what I've been through because she's been through the same thing.

After I leave Brooke's apartment I am relieved that it went so well of course I don't expect it to go well every time but I'm glad everything with Brooke worked out and we put it behind us and we can move on with our friendship. The next person on my list is Richard. He gave me a job in his diner out of the kindness of his heart or maybe it was the fact I was with Dean I don't know. All I know is the guy graciously gave me a job and trusted me. I deceived him by stealing from him and by never showing up to work because I wanted to get my fix. I wasn't a very good employee and I deserved to get fired. I did the wrong thing and I will admit that. I hurt him by stealing from his business, the business he uses to put food on the table and to pay his bills with.

I make my way into Richard's diner. I see him working the cash register. It's not busy and I know the lunchtime rush is pretty much over so now is my chance to talk to him. I make my way over to the cash register nervously. "Hey, Richard," I say with a nervous smile.

"Azzy," he says looking up at me with his blue eyes that are identical to the eyes Dean and Gideon have. "How are you?" He asks more energetically than I expected. This is the first time I have seen him since he came to see Gideon in the hospital and even then the tensions were high between us now things just feel weird and even weirder when he walks around the corner to embrace me in a hug. I'm not sure how to react as he holds me in his arms longer than he should. I take one arm and wrap it around him and pat his back softly as his hands rub my back.

"Okay," I say breaking the embrace that makes me feel uncomfortable.

"What brings you here? Dean isn't here. I think he and Gideon are at his house."

"I know," I say, "I came to talk to you."

"Okay," he says, "we can go talk in my office."

"I'd rather talk out here," I say still feeling uncomfortable from the hug we shared.

"Okay," he says, "can I get you coffee, something to eat?" he asks, "it will be on the house."

"No, I'm all right. Thank-you," I say as he leads me over to an empty table. I take a seat as he takes a seat across from me.

"So what's up?"

"I just wanted to apologize to you for everything I have done. I'm sorry that I stole from you. I realize that you didn't need to give me a job but you did it because you either felt bad for me or because Dean asked you to I don't really know but you gave me a job. I'm sorry that I stole from your business and then lied about it. I know I will never make it up to you but I'm sorry. I just needed the money but that doesn't make it right. Out of the kindness of your heart you gave me a job but when I was in trouble, and you knew it you didn't help me. You didn't tell Dean."

"I didn't want Dean to get hurt," he says, "I probably should have told him but that would have hurt him."

"You should have told him. I was in trouble. I was having problems. I needed someone to kick my ass into shape. I'm sorry for what I did, Richard. You don't have to forgive me but I want you to know that I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I stole and lied. I was wrong and I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology," he says with a soft smile. "I just want to see you get your life together from what I have heard you're doing a pretty good job at it. If you ever want to come back here to work I'll hire you back in a heartbeat."

"No," I say, "as gracious as that is I have a job and I really like it. I think I'm going to stay where I am besides when I am done with college I plan to have an even better job as a drug and alcohol counselor."

"That's good," he says with a smile. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," I say with a smile.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell Dean when I should have. I knew you needed help but I didn't help you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I got the help that I needed it only took me hitting rock bottom and getting pregnant for me to realize I had a problem and needed to fix it. I have hurt a lot of people."

"I know," he says, "but you're owning up to it and apologizing. You're making things right. That's a big step. I know it's not easy for you. I accept your apology and we can move beyond it. We can forget about it and just move on."

"Okay," I say as I pull a check out of my pocket. I hand it to him.

"What's this?" he asks.

"That's part of the money I owe back to you. It's part of what I have stolen from you."

"Azzy, Dean already paid me back what you took from me. The debt has been paid."

"I want to give it to you," she says, "I know I still owe you more and I'll give it to you but this is just a start. Please accept it," I say.

"Thank-you," he says holding the check in his hand before he lays it down on the table. "I appreciate this."

"You're welcome," I say with a soft smile.

"Hey, Azzy," he says, "if you aren't doing anything this weekend I would like to take you out for dinner."

"Are you asking me out on a date?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says, "would you like to go on a date with me this weekend?" he asks with a smile.

"I can't date you," I say.

"Why not? Are you with anyone else?"

"I'm not with anyone it just wouldn't be right," I say, "I dated your brother, I have a child with your brother. It wouldn't be right in my eyes."

"No one cares about that," he says, "I don't."

"But I do. I won't do that to Dean. It's not fair to him."

"Come on, Azzy, just one date, you never know you might like me."

"Richard, I'm sorry but I can't. I have to respect Dean and his feelings. It's not right so I'm not going to do it. I'm sorry. I should probably get going."

"All right," he says, "but the offer remains open any time you want to go out."

"Thanks," I say as I stand up as he stands up with me, "but no thanks. I will never date you and never go out with you. That would hurt Dean too much and I'm not about hurting him. He's done a lot for me and I owe him respect. Have a good day, Richard," I say before I make my way out of his diner. I'm not sure what just happened but the fact he asked me out on a date was weird. I don't even feel that way towards him and besides even if I did dating him wouldn't be fair to Dean.

 **LATER THAT EVENING:**

I asked Dean to meet me at my apartment after Gideon was in bed so that we could talk. He arrives a little after 8. I open the door and smile as I see him standing in his usual blue jeans and his white t-shirt with a leather jacket. He's wearing a baseball cap covering his wild hair and covering his brow. "Come in," I say with a smile.

"Thanks," he says, "I hope you don't mind. My mom is watching Gideon."

"That's fine," I say, "I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay," he says making his way into my apartment as I shut the door. "Have I done something wrong?"

"You haven't done anything wrong. Have a seat, would you like anything to drink?"

"No thank-you," he says as he takes a seat on my leather couch. I walk to the kitchen and get myself a bottle of water before I join him on the couch. "So what's up?"

"I just thought we should talk." I open my water and take a sip before I start to talk again. "In the last few months well the last year you have really been there for me. You've helped me out in more ways than I can count and I thank-you for that but I want to apologize for hurting you the way I did. I am sorry that I stole money from you and while you were away," I say, "I had Chris and Ty in your house. I did drugs in your house with them and I am sorry for that. I betrayed you and I'm sorry."

"You had them in my house?"

"Yes," I say, "and I'm sorry. I never should have had them there. I never should have been hanging out with them. I'm sorry, Dean that I hurt you the way I did. I'm sorry that I made you worry about me and I'm sorry that I made you angry. I can't make excuses for my actions. I was wrong and that's all there is to it. I'm sorry, Dean. I really did love you," I say, "I have questioned myself if it was about love or convenience but I really was in love with you. I just fell down the wrong path and then everything became about convenience for me. I'm sorry I hurt you so badly. All you were trying to do was help me and I screwed you over. I'm sorry."

"Azzy, I have been where you are. I have been down that road. I hurt people too. I stole from the people that I loved, I turned my back on everyone that tried to help me. I understand why you did what you did. When we are addicted the only thing we truly care about is ourselves and getting that fix. Nothing else matters and we do things we aren't proud of. No one is really a bad person, we just make bad choices. I made bad choices and you made bad choices. I understand. I'm just glad that you went and got the help that you needed. I'm proud of you for that. You realized you needed help and you did it. I'm not here to judge you for the past mistakes you made. You hurt me yes but I can move on past it because I see how well you're doing and how well you're going to keep doing for our son. I'm proud of all the progress you have made in the last few months. It is amazing. I'm not going to hold something against you. It's not worth the energy it entails but also because I care about you. If I didn't care about you I wouldn't have done all the things I have done for you."

"And I appreciate that," I say, "If it weren't for you I never would have gone to that amazing rehab center, I wouldn't have the medication that I have now to help with my depression and my bi-polar disorder, I wouldn't have the job I do now and I wouldn't be in college. You do a lot for me, Dean and I really appreciate it. If it weren't for you I wouldn't be where I am right now. I would probably be dead somewhere."

"Don't say that," he says, "you're not dead. You're living and you're happy. I like to see you happy. You're doing a great job with Gideon and you're making a good life for yourself. That's all I ever wanted to see you do. Everything that happened months ago is forgotten about. We can get past that, we can start new. I want to start new and I'm not just talking about friendship or anything. I'm talking about us. I still love you, Azzy. I still have these feelings for you and I want us to start over new. I understand if you don't want to because you're still in your recovery stage but I just want you to know that I have feelings for you. I have tried to forget them but I can't. They're too strong and I'll be a fool if I give up on you, or give up on us. I want to try again. I'm not saying jump in and live together but go on a couple dates, gradually work things out, get to know each other better than before. I want to know all about you. I want to know everything you're willing to tell me. I want to take it slow. I want to savor every day and every moment with you, getting to know you and enjoying your company. No sex because sex causes trouble but a relationship where we take our time and get to know each other. I don't think we know that much about each other and that was because everything moved so fast. I want to take things slow with you and I want to just be a little family for Gideon. I love both of you guys."

"Dean," I say. I'm not sure what to say. "I still have feelings for you too and it's hard not acting on them every day but I'm trying to do me. I'm trying to make a life for myself and a life for Gideon. I want to prove that I can do it all myself. I can't jeopardize all that with being involved with a man. While I would love to have a relationship with you I don't think it's a good idea at this time."

"Azzy, you can still do you and still work on yourself. I'm not going to jeopardize that. I want to love you and be there for you. I want to walk beside you as you do this. I want to be with you. I love you. I just want us to be a family together. I just want to try this again but taking it slow, what do you think, please just give me another chance. Let's start over."

I think about it for a few minutes as he looks at me with those beautiful baby blue eyes filled with hope and sadness. He's a beautiful man way too beautiful for me. I never understood why he chose me but I was lucky that he did. He's not perfect but he's perfect for me. He knows my flaws, he knows my pain and yet he still wants to do things together, still wants a relationship and still wants to love me. I never knew love before I knew Dean. I never knew what it was like to have a man truly care about me, love me and want to be there for me like Dean has been. I take my hand and cup his face. He leans into my hand and takes a soft hold of my arm and strokes it softly with his thumb as I stroke his stubble on his face. He looks into my hazel eyes and I feel the attraction, I feel the love and his eyes are cutting right through me. "Okay," I say in a whisper. "Let's try this again, slowly but let's try this again. Let's start over."

"Thank-you," he says with a smile making me smile. His smile is priceless. He kisses my palm softly before he pulls me in for an embrace. I hug him back as I feel his nose in my hair. I hear the beating of his heart as he holds me for a few minutes not saying a word.

"Dean," I say, "your brother asked me out on a date."

"Richard did?" he asks as we break our embrace.

"Yes earlier when I went to make amends with him. He asked me out on a date. I told him no of course because it wouldn't be fair to you besides I kind of like you," I say with a soft smile.

"Kind of like me?" he asks with a smile.

"Still crazy about you," I say with a smile, "but it was weird that he asked me out."

"I'll deal with him about that," he says, "but right now I think we agreed to start over didn't we?"

"Yeah," I say with a smile.

"I'm Dean," he says putting his hand out to me.

"Azalea," I say with a smile as I shake his hand.

"Azalea huh?" he asks.

"I think that it's time I start using my full name. Azzy was cute but that's the old me. I'm someone new and I want to be called Azalea from now on."

"I think I can do that, Azalea," he says with a smile. "So would you like to go out on a date with me next Wednesday night after I host my group meeting?"

"I think I would like that very much," I say.

"Me too," he says with a smile, "well, I should get going. My mom told me not to be too long."

"All right," I say as we stand up, "Dean, I have to talk to your mom and I know she doesn't like me. Will you be with me when I talk to her?"

"Of course," he says, "I'm always here for you."

"Thanks," I say as I walk him to the door. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Azalea," he says with a soft smile. He kisses my cheek softly making me smile.

"Give Gideon a kiss for me please."

"I will," he says with a smile before he walks out my door. I shut the door behind him and lock it. I lean up against the door thinking about everything that just happened. I want to do things right with Dean this time by taking it slow and getting to know him better. I'm surprised at how little I actually do know about him. I make my way to the living room and sit down to do some studying till I fall asleep on the couch.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Azzy making amends with Brooke and Richard? Are you happy that it turned out so well? What did you think about Richard asking Azzy out on a date? Do you think that he crossed the line? What did you think about Azzy making amends with Dean for hurting him the way she did? What about them starting over? Do you think they can take it slow and gradually work things out in their relationship? Is it a bad idea that they decided to try again? How do you think Dean is going to handle Richard? How do you think it will go when Azzy finally decides to talk to Dean's mom? And do you think it's good Azzy no longer wants to be called Azzy but Azalea? (From now on she will be referred to as Azalea) Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	8. Starting Over

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"So how have you been, Azzy?" asks my therapist as I am sitting in his office on the leather couch.

"I'm doing pretty good," I say, " I started to make amends with people that I hurt."

"Oh yeah?" he asks. "How did that go?"

"Well, Brooke was easy. We're good now and we're moving past it, starting our friendship over again. It feels good to have a friend again. I did her wrong and I regret it. And then I took care of what I needed to with Richard; Dean's brother. That went well except he asked me out which I thought was weird. I don't know it just didn't feel right."

"Why didn't it feel right?" he asks.

"Because it just didn't, I don't feel that way about him. It was just weird that my son's father's brother was asking me out on a date after everything Dean and I have been through. I just felt it was crossing some type of line. I don't know it just wasn't right. I told him no of course."

"I see," he says, "and have you made amends with Dean's mom?"

"No," I say, " I'm getting there. I don't think she's going to be as easy. She's going to be tough. She really doesn't like me. I know I did something wrong when it came to her and I stole from her but she really doesn't like me. I can see her point but I am not that way anymore. I'm changing myself. I just want her to see that."

"It's going to take some time. Don't get discouraged if she doesn't accept your apology right away it's going to take some time. You aren't going to be able to just jump in there and everything be okay again. She's going to want you to prove to her that you are changing and that you're not the person you were before. Besides, she is a mother and she loves her son. She sees it as you hurt him and feels the need to protect her baby from you. It's not going to be easy but as long as you get out what you need to say you're doing the right thing and you're on the right track. Just give her some time to come around. Eventually after a while things will settle down and hopefully you two will be able to work it out. It's important that you do it for Gideon's sake. You two will be in each other's lives forever because of that little boy."

"I know," I say, "that's why I am trying to keep things peaceful. I want Gideon to have a good relationship with his grandma and his uncle. I really want him to be a part of their lives and I know they love him. That's all I ask. They can hate me but as long as they love my son and treat him well then I'm okay with it."

"You have a good outlook on this. Will you be making amends with your parents and your little sister?"

I let out a sigh and say, "I would like to but when my parents are involved all they like to do is control me and control what I do. I don't really want to be controlled by anyone but myself. I know it's part of my healing and recovery process but my parents and I never really saw eye to eye."

"I know," he says, "but it's important that you right the wrongs you have done against them. I know it's not going to be easy for you. They put you through a lot as a child but you have to let that go. Holding onto that is only hurting you and not them. As long as you continue to hold onto that pain and everything they put you through you're never going to fully heal just like holding onto everything with Chris and Ty. Have you made a decision about pressing charges or not?"

"I'm still not sure," I say, "I feel like I should so I can get my closure and save some other little girl being put through what I was but it's scary because I don't want to see them. I don't want to face them. I like that fact they aren't around. It could get ugly."

"It's your decision but you may never get closure on the situation until justice is served," he says.

"I will continue to think about it," I say, "it's not easy. It took me this long to tell my story. I need some time to decide if I want to press charges against them."

"I respect that," he says. "Did you make amends with Dean?" he asks.

"Yes" I say "and it went well. We are together again."

"You and Dean are together?"

"Yes," I say, "we're going to give it another try. We're going to take things slow. In fact we have a date tonight."

"Azalea," he says, "are you sure that's a good idea?"

"As long as we take things slowly it should be all right. I do love him."

"But you're making so much progress. I don't want to see you hinder yourself by getting caught up with Dean. I know you love him but do you really think you should be involved with a man at this time? You need to focus on yourself before you can focus on someone else."

"I will be fine," I say, "if things get to be too much I can always call it off but I at least want to try."

"I know you want to try but before you and Dean were addicted to each other or he was more addicted to you. I can't really tell unless I speak to him but from what you told me your relationship was about sex. You two were addicted to each other sexually and you couldn't get enough. I don't think it's a good idea for you two to be together not right now. I would hate to see you fall back down the wrong path. Dean is a good guy it seems but the fact you two were so addicted to one another before worries me. You're doing so well on your own. I'm scared that the more you get involved with Dean the more dependent you're going to become on him. Once that dependency sets in you can become dependent on anything. You're doing so well for yourself I don't want to see you ruin your progress because you are involved with Dean. I'm not saying Dean is a bad guy I'm just saying that being with him right now is not a good idea. I don't want your progress hindered."

"I understand what you're saying but I'll be all right," I say.

"You're already changing," he says. "You're getting strong-willed, you're getting defensive because I'm telling you this isn't a good idea. Two people that are addicted to each other do not belong in a relationship with each other. I know you said everything is going to go slowly but you're addicted to each other. You're going to get the need to want to have sex. I don't want you to fall down that path. You know you have a sex addiction because it's your way of belonging, you become dependent. Azalea, you should think about this."

"I'm okay," I say, "if it gets to be too much and things start to go too fast I can always call it off. I am trusting Dean to respect my wishes of taking it slow, taking our time getting to know each other this time. I don't want to have sex. I'm not interested in having sex. I'm interested in getting to know him. I am planning on laying it all out for him tonight. I don't want it to be about sex. I want it to be about love. I never knew what love was until I met him. I do love him but at this time I am not interested in having sex with him. I know I had a sex addiction and I may have been addicted to Dean but after what I went through sex was my coping mechanism. That's how I got what I needed or what I wanted. I don't want to be dependent on anyone. I like how I am being independent. Just because I'm with someone doesn't mean everything I was taught in rehab and everything you and I have talked about is going to be thrown out the window. I plan to stay true to the person I am working on becoming. I don't want to be dependent on anyone. I will remain independent."

"Azalea, I'm just worried about you making this decision. What made you decide to start a relationship with Dean again, I'm just curious?"

"Because I love him," I say, "I really do love him. I want us to be a family for Gideon."

"Just because you two have a child together doesn't mean that you need to be together. Those are the worst kinds of relationships for a child to grow up in; when two parents are together only because of the child."

"It's not about Gideon, it's about how I feel about Dean. That's what it's all about. I love, Dean. I have never really lost my feelings for him. I still love him. I want to have things work out between us."

"Do you think that you're in this relationship with Dean because he is the first man to show you what love is and the first man to truly care about you?"

"I'm in this relationship because I want to be. Why are you making this so difficult for me?"

"I'm not trying to, Azalea, you can't even answer a question about why you are with him after everything you two have been through. You're getting defensive about it. I just don't want to see you throw away your months and months of progress because you get involved with a man. I think you need to continue working on yourself before you try to work things out with someone else. A relationship is a lot of work, are you ready to be in a relationship with everything that you have been through in the last few months?" I don't answer him. "I'm not here to tell you what to do or what not to do but I am here to make sure you are doing the right thing. Maybe you should think about this whole thing with Dean and decide if this is something you want right now or not, Azalea. NO one can make the decisions for you. Only you can make the decision. You know how you feel about him and how he feels about you. I'm just going by what you have told me. I don't agree with it but again it is your life and your decision. If Dean is someone you want to be with then I cannot stop you. I just want you to make sure this is what you truly want."

"It is," I say. "I really want this."

"Well, I hope it works out for you but I do suggest taking things slow like you plan on doing. Take the time to get to know each other. Take the time to enjoy each other emotionally not sexually. The last thing you need to do right now is have sex."

"I know," I say, "I told you I don't plan to have sex or make this about sex."

"I'm glad to hear that but does Dean realize that?"

"We will discuss it later on our date when I lay everything out for him. I'm sure he will understand."

"I hope so but Azalea please don't lose yourself in this man after you have started to finally find yourself," he says.

 **LATER THAT EVENING:**

"Hey," says Dean as I meet him at the church he holds his Wednesday night meetings.

"Hey," I say with a smile as he greets me with a soft quick kiss on the lips. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," he says with a smile. "You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank-you," I say, "I wasn't sure what we were doing so I didn't know if I should dress up or not."

"You're perfect," he says as we walk to his car. "How did you get here?"

"Brooke dropped me off," I say. "Where's Gideon?"

"Richard has him for the night," he says.

"Oh okay," I say. "What are we going to do?"

"Since it's so late the only thing we can really do is go get a burger and fries from Richard's diner. I know it's not the best first date but it's something," he says opening the door for me.

"It's perfect," I say with a smile before he smiles back at me and shuts the door before rounding to the driver's side. He climbs into the car and starts the engine before pulling out of the parking space. He takes my hand into his making me smile as I lace our fingers together as he continues to drive to Richard's diner. I'm not sure how I feel about eating there after I stole from there and after Richard asked me out but it's probably the only place Dean feels comfortable going because no one bothers him there.

When we arrive at the diner Dean parks the car and our hands break apart before he gets out of the car. He walks over to my side of the car and opens it for me. He is a gentleman. He takes my hand into his as he shuts the door behind me and we make our way to the diner. Once we get in the door we are escorted to a booth in the corner where we can't be seen. The waitress gives us our menus and gives us time to decide on our drinks before she comes back. "So, how was your meeting?" I ask as I look over my menu. I already know my options.

"It was good," he says, "how was therapy?"

"Good," I say, "we aren't seeing eye to eye on some things but it is what it is."

"Yeah," he says as he looks over the menu. "How is school going for you?"

"Really well, I'm almost done for the semester," I say proudly.

"That's great," he says, "going back next semester?"

"I'm going till I finish and get my degree," I say with a smile. "I like it a lot."

"I'm glad," he says as the waitress comes with our drink orders my iced tea and Dean's mountain dew. We thank her before we both order our dinner. I choose a grilled cheese with French fries and a pickle on the side while Dean orders a cheeseburger with fries. She writes it down before she walks away. "When do you have finals?"

"In the next couple weeks," I say, "I'm ready."

"Good, how are you doing this semester?"

"I'm carrying a 4.0," I say with pride. I'm proud of myself. I have been working so hard in school. I have aced every paper and every test in every class. I never thought of myself as the college going type of girl or as a smart girl but I knew I had it in me it was just finding it and bringing it out. I'm proud of my success.

"That's wonderful," he says with a smile. "So how does it feel to carry a 4.0?"

"Great," I say, "I never thought I could do it. I never thought I would go to college or have all this."

"You can do anything, Azalea that you put your mind to, I'm proud of you. You're coming so far in such a short time. How is work going? Do you like it?"

"It's going well," I say, "I love my job. I love the people I work with. My boss is awesome and I have some of the best co-workers."

"That's great," he says, "what are you doing?"

"I am just doing a secretary job you know filing files, typing things up, taking messages you know."

"Well, at least you're holding a job and you're doing well at it. I'm glad that you like it."

"Me too," I say, "so how is the wrestling business going?"

"Good. It's pretty calm right now but after next month when the Royal Rumble hits that's when things start to pick up as the road to Wrestlemania begins. I'll start doing more appearances and more autograph signings then. I'm enjoying my down time."

"I bet," I say, "So are you happy with everything that's happening in the business?"

"Yeah," he says. "I'm actually expected to get a big push over the next couple months. I have been looking forward to it. You know the Rumble is here in Cincinnati," he says, "I would like it if you and Gideon came."

"I don't know, Dean," I say, "are you sure you want us there?"

"Yeah," he says, "I really want you to be there. It would mean a lot to me."

"I'll see what I can do. Just give me a date and I'll be there if I can."

"Thanks," he says with a smile. "I missed you, Azalea."

"I missed you too," I say with a smile of my own as the waitress brings us our food. We thank her and as she walks away I go back to talking to him. "I just want to be clear on a few things," I say.

"Okay," he says as he grabs the ketchup bottle to put ketchup on his burger and his fries. "What's up?"

"This relationship, I still want my independence in it. You have to let me figure things out for myself. You have to give me the chance to do stuff on my own. I know you want to help but I am in the process of fixing myself and I'm still finding myself. I want to keep finding myself but I want to be with you. I can't have you hinder that if that makes any sense. I want some independence. I don't want you trying to pay my bills or paying for things for me. I don't want you to try to get in the way of that. You know what I mean? There is some stuff that I have to do for myself."

"I understand. I'll let you have your independence," he says.

"Thank-you and I don't want to have sex yet. I want to wait a while before we reach that point in our relationship. I want to take things slow. I want to get to know each other more before we jump into bed together. I don't want it to be about sex."

"Okay," he says as he hands me the ketchup. "Your rules, I'll follow them. I'll respect you."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile as I put ketchup on my fries and put some on the side to dip my grilled cheese in. "That's all that I ask."

"Okay," he says with a smile as I dip my sandwich into my ketchup and take a bite. "You dip your grilled cheese in ketchup?"

"You would dip it in tomato soup right? Same thing," I say with a smile. "Plus it's delicious."

"I never tried it," he says.

"Well, you should," I say. "it's really good."

"I won't argue," he says before taking a bite of his cheeseburger. "So you're into your piano playing huh?"

"Yes," I say, "I love it. I played when I was little but I quit because I was disappointing my parents because I wasn't as good as they wanted me to be. When I was in rehab I got back into playing the piano. I'm not too bad at it. Gideon likes when I play it for him."

"He likes music," he says, "any kind of music."

"I know," I say with a smile. "it calms him down when he's having a rough night."

"Yeah I figured that out," he says, "and he likes when I sing to him."

"Who wouldn't?" I ask. "You have an amazing voice. I like hearing it why wouldn't he. It soothes him."

"I know," he says with a smile. "Do you sing?"

"I can but I prefer not to. I'm more into playing the piano."

"So what all do you play?"

"I've been playing kid songs like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Old MacDonald. Whatever makes Gideon smile."

"That's good," he says with a smile. "Other than playing the piano what do you like to do?"

"I don't know. I have started to enjoy reading because of my English class and I still like to write. I have been writing a book about my experiences and about my life."

"That's cool, are you going to get it published?"

"I haven't thought about it but I would like to someday when I'm ready you know? There's a lot in that book that people don't know about or that I haven't wanted them to know about. I'm not sure I'm ready to share that with the world."

"I understand," he says.

"What about you? What are you really into other than wrestling and working out?"

"Do you think working out is all that I do?" he asks.

"Well, you're ripped and you're in good shape plus your job depends on it. I would say yes."

"No not really," he says, "well, I have a pretty awesome son I like to spend time with. I also like to watch movies but I don't really get a lot of free time so when I do I like to spend it with my number one guy and my daughter."

"Very sweet of you," I say with a smile. "You're a good dad."

"Thanks," he says, "I love kids especially mine. They are my greatest treasures in life."

"Yeah, I agree. We did pretty good with Gideon. I may have done a lot of things wrong in my life but making him was one of the best. I just want to be the best mom I can be you know?"

"I know," he says. "And you're doing a great job," he says with a smile.

"Thanks," I say with a smile. "This may seem so little but it's important to me. What's your favorite food?"

"My mom's spaghetti and meatballs," he says, "that's my all- time favorite food. What about you?"

"I love chicken enchiladas. They are my favorite," I say with a smile.

"I like them too," he says, "what kind of music do you listen to?"

"Classical, hip hop and pop music what about you?"

"Country, classic country, hip hop music and rock," he says, "I like to break dance. Did you know that?"

"I had no idea," I say with a smile, "I'd like to see that some time."

"It's a gift," he says with a shrug making me smile. He is so cute. I love his little dimples when he smiles and I like the way his blue eyes light up when he's talking to me. "Do you smoke?"

"I do but I'm trying to quit," I answer honestly. "I hate that I do but I'm really trying to quit. One thing at a time I guess."

"I smoke too it's hard to give up," he says. "And I chew," he says. "It's not my favorite and I'm trying to quit that too but I don't drink."

"Neither do I because I'm not legal to drink yet in the US but I don't think I will ever drink."

"Me either," he says, "people don't need alcohol to have a good time. I think people can have fun without alcohol."

"Me too," I say with a smile.

We continue our date talking and working on getting to know each other better. Until tonight I didn't realize how little we actually knew about each other. My therapist is right it was more about the sex than actually being in love with one another. When we finish our meal Dean takes me home in the cold Late November early December weather. It's colder than usual. He walks me to my apartment after he drops me off. Hand in hand we walk to my apartment, our fingers laced together. It wasn't a bad night and I had a good time with him. "I had a good time tonight, Azalea," he says with a soft smile as we stand outside my door.

"Me too," I say with a smile. "Want to do it again?" I ask. "My treat?"

"I'm not going to make you pay for our date," he says.

"But I want to, remember give me the independence that I wish for. I want to treat next time."

"Okay," he says, "your treat."

"Are you working this weekend?"

"Yeah," he says, "I'm working on my birthday."

"Oh, I wanted to take you out for your birthday but I guess we can do it another time."

"I'm free next Wednesday night if you want to do something and I'm free Thursday."

"Thursday I have my group meeting. I don't like to miss and it's so late when I get out of there. We could do something Wednesday if you want."

"Okay, Wednesday," he says, "I am looking forward to it."

"All right," I say with a smile. "Next Wednesday I'll come up with something to do."

"Sounds good to me," he says looking at me with his beautiful blue eyes smiling at me and showing off those cute little dimples. "Azalea, is it okay for me to kiss you?"

"I don't kiss on the first date," I say as I bite my lip. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Beautiful," he says with a smile. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I say with a smile as he gives me a wink melting my heart before he walks away. I put the key into my door and unlock it. I walk into my dark apartment and turn on the light before I lock up the door. I think there is potential between Dean and me as long as we continue to take things slow and continue to get to know each other before we make any big moves. I think that's the best way to handle this relationship right now.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Azalea's therapist? Do you think she should press charges against Chris and Ty? And is he right about her relationship with Dean? Were they addicted to each other and shouldn't be together now? Is Azalea starting to change already? What did you think of her date wtih Dean? ARe you glad she laid it out for him that she wants her independence and that she doesn't want to have sex? Do you think taking it slow will make things better for them? Please review and thank you for reading.**


	9. A Night In

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much!***

"So you're going out with that girl again?" asks my mom as I am visiting her for a few minutes before I go to Azzy's apartment to spend some time with her and Gideon for my birthday.

"We're in a relationship yes," I say, "I don't see the big deal. We aren't having sex with each other. We haven't even kissed each other yet. I don't know what the big deal is. I love her."

"She's nothing but trouble. Do you think that this whole I'm changing thing is going to last? She is going to fall again and you're going to get hurt and Gideon is going to get hurt," she says, "you're being dumb about this, Dean. You are much better without her. I'm sure you could find anyone better than her."

"I don't want anyone else but her," I say, "I believe that she's going to keep changing. She's doing really well for herself. If you would take the time to get to know the new Azalea you would know that."

"So now she's Azalea," she says, "just because she changes her name doesn't change her as a person."

"Right," I say, "but at the same time she's working really hard to change herself. She's doing really well. She finished the semester off with a 4.0, she's going to group, she's going to counseling, she's a good mom and she loves her job. She is not going to fall back into the path of drugs, not with Gideon. He keeps her grounded. He is the best thing in her life. Why would she want to lose that?"

"I'm just saying don't be surprised if in another month or so she disappears. I don't trust her, Dean."

"And that's the problem, you don't trust her. She needs support to get through all of this. I'm willing to be a support system for her and help her through when she needs my help but she's working on it alone. And I don't know why you're starting on me when Richard asked her out on a date."

"No he didn't," she says. "I don't believe that. Richard doesn't even like her."

"Apparently he does because he asked her out. Why don't you give him the lecture you're giving me?"

"Because he's not with her, you are after everything she's done to you."

"Azalea and I have a new start. She apologized to me for everything she did wrong against me. She apologized to Richard too. She's trying to make amends with everyone she hurt. I'm not going to hold it against her. You don't know how hard it is for someone that had an addiction that hurt tons of people to apologize for their mistakes and to apologize for all the wrongs they've done. It's a big step for them. It's not easy and the fact she had the strength to face us means she is doing pretty damn well. I'm so tired of this Azalea is the enemy speech you keep giving me. Whether you like her or not she is going to be in our lives forever. Gideon is your grandson and she is his mother. Gideon is going to have birthday parties, he's going to have school events and he's going to have a lot of other events as well that we're going to do as a family. And guess what, Azalea is going to be there. I will never exclude her from an activity with our son because you don't like her but I would exclude you because after all Gideon is her child. If you can't grow up and let everything go then maybe you don't need to be in Gideon's life. I mean if Azalea is such a bad person why would you want any part in our son's life?"

"Dean, don't speak like that to me."

"No, mom, I'm so tired of you casting stones against Azalea. I was in the same spot she was too. I was in the same spot. I was an addict too, I'm still a recovering addict but you treated me a lot better. The day is going to come when Azalea wants to talk to you, apologize and make amends with you what are you going to do? Are you going to talk to her or blow her off?"

"I'll listen to her but I'm not going to jump on the Azalea bandwagon. She can apologize to me but that doesn't mean I'm going to be her best friend."

"I know, Mom, but I just want you two to get along for Gideon's sake. I don't want tensions to be high when he's around. I want you two to be civil for him. That's all that I want."

"I'll try."

"Well, will you talk to her when she's ready to talk to you?"

"Yes, Dean," she says, "I'll talk to her when she's ready to talk to me."

"Good," I say, "I think she's scared of you right now."

"Why would she be scared of me?"

"I think most of it is shame but the other part is she knows you don't like her. She's not a dumb girl. She knows what is going on. Just give her a chance okay?"

"I guess," she says, "there's obviously something about her because you can't stay away from her."

"She's different," I say with a smile, "she's special. She's not a bad person once you get to know her. She's not perfect but she's perfect to me. I love her."

"Love is such a strong word," she says, "are you really in love with her?"

"Yes," I say. "I'm in love with her and I want to let you know she will be spending Christmas with us. I'm going to do the cooking but we're all spending Christmas together. McKenna is going to be here too."

"Will Cassie be with us as well?"

"No," I say, "she is going to South Dakota to see her other daughter for Christmas so I'll have McKenna all Christmas break while she's in South Dakota."

"Wow," says my mom. "That's exciting."

"I know but I have no idea what to do with an almost 12 year old girl," I say, "I never dealt with a little girl before."

"I'm sure McKenna will guide you," she says with a smile. "You're a good dad you know that?"

"Thanks," I say with a proud smile. "Well, I should get going. I'll see you tomorrow for lunch."

"Okay, Dean, I love you."

"I love you too," I say as I kiss her cheek softly. "Bye, Mom."

"Bye, Dean," she says, "give Gideon a kiss for me."

"I will," I say as I walk toward the door. I say goodbye to her one more time before I walk out the door.

I arrive at Azalea's apartment about 20 minutes later dressed in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt and my favorite leather jacket. I ring the doorbell to her apartment and wait a few seconds before I hear her tell me to come in. I open the door and walk in to see her in the living room with Gideon playing with him sitting on her knees. There's nothing more beautiful than seeing my beautiful girlfriend and my adorable son playing together in her living room. He is smiling a big toothless grin at her as I lock the door behind me. "Hey," I say as I walk into the living room.

"Hey," she says with a smile. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," I say kissing her cheek softly.

"Say happy birthday, Daddy," she says as she hands Gideon to me.

"Hey there little man," I say with a smile as I kiss his chubby cheeks. "How are you, Buddy?" I ask as he smiles at me. "How are you, Azalea?"

"Good," she says with a smile. "How was your trip?"

"It was okay," I say. "Same old stuff. Didn't really get to enjoy the town but I enjoyed putting on the show for my fans. It's funny I never really had a real soft spot for babies or little kids until Gideon came along now every time I see a little kid wearing a Dean Ambrose shirt I high five them and give them my autograph if I can or I pose for a picture with them. I'm turning into John Cena," I say.

"I don't think so," she says, "you still have a rough edge to you. You just like kids."

"I love kids," I say as I hold Gideon.

"Well, I hope you're not disappointed or anything but I ordered us some pizza for dinner and I have some movies that I wanted to watch with you after I get Little Man to bed."

"That's fine," I say, "as long as I'm spending the night with you I have no complaints. You want me to get Little Man to bed?" I ask her.

"If you want to," she says with a smile. "I'm sure he would like that."

"Okay," I say with a smile. "Are you about ready for bed, Buddy?" I ask him.

"He should be. It's been a long day for him," she says, "he should be about ready."

"All right," I say as I stand up and take him to his nursery to start getting him ready for bed while Azalea hangs out in the living room waiting for the pizza to arrive.

I get into his dresser and pull out a blue sleeper before I lay him down on the changing table. I change his diaper and then put his sleeper on him. I reach into his crib and grab his favorite blanket and wrap him up in it before I get his pacifier. I walk over to the bookshelf and pick out a book to read to him. I love reading to him every chance that I can get. I smile as I grab the book Love You Forever to read to him. I take a seat in the rocking chair, holding him in my arms as I start to read to him. He seems pretty content as I read the words from the book to him. I can see his blue eyes getting heavy as his eyelids start to close as I continue reading the book to him before he falls asleep in my arms. There's nothing more precious and no sight I love more than my son sleeping in my arms. He takes his hand and covers his head as he sleeps. I stand up slowly and walk him over to his crib. I kiss his forehead softly and say, "I'll love you forever; I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. Goodnight Gideon," I say softly before I put him into the crib to sleep careful not to wake him as he stirs a little but once he's in his crib he's back to sleep. "I love you," I say softly before I grab the monitor. I turn on his nightlight and then turn off the light as I walk out of the bedroom to the living room as I smell the pizza in the kitchen. I lay the monitor down on the coffee table and make my way to the kitchen. "He's asleep," I say.

"I know," she says with a smile as she looks at me. "I heard you reading to him. You're so good with him. I love reading him that book too."

"My mom used to read it to me when I was little," I say with a smile. "I read it to him every night that I have him," I say with a smile.

"I just saw the book at the bookstore one day, read it and I chose the book. My parents didn't read to me when I was little. They felt that I should be able to read at 2 years old."

"That's a shame," I say. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for their mistakes. I just want to make sure I'm a better parent to Gideon than they ever were to me. I want to apologize to them but I don't want anything to do with them after that."

"And that's your choice," I say as I open a pizza box as she gets out two plates. "You don't have to have a relationship with them if you don't want to."

"And I didn't forget that they wanted me to abort Gideon," she says. "I wasn't going to do that. I wanted my baby."

"I know," I say, "what kind of pizza do you want? Pepperoni or cheese?"

"Pepperoni," she says with a smile as she hands me the plates.

"Okay," I say as I get her out a piece of pepperoni pizza.

"Do you want soda or water or juice?" she asks.

"Do you have Mountain Dew?"

"Of course I knew you were coming over so I picked some up for you," she says making me smile. "I'll get you some Mountain Dew."

"Thanks," I say as I get our pizza and she gets our drinks. We walk to the living room together and I lay the plates down on the table while she lays the drinks down on coasters. "So what movies do you have picked out?"

"Avengers, Captain America, Batman, The Dark Knight, you can pick what you want to watch," she says making me smile. She knows me so well yet barely knows me at all.

"The Dark Knight," I say with a smile before taking a bite of my pizza.

"I figured," she says with a smile before taking a bite of her own pizza. "So my therapist wants me to press charges against Chris and Ty."

"Are you going to?" I ask.

"I don't know. I feel like I should to at least get some closure on the situation but I know it's not going to be easy to find them and I feel like it's going to upset them."

"So what if it upsets them? They took so much away from you. You deserve to have some closure on that situation. It makes me nervous that they're still running around free and no one knows where they are."

"I don't think they are coming back to Cincinnati for a while," she says.

"I hope not," I say. I worry constantly about them coming back trying to sway her into their lifestyle again. I don't blame them entirely but they hold some type of power over her so it makes me nervous knowing they could come back at any time. "It just makes me nervous they are still out there you know?"

"I know, Baby," she says. "But even if they do come back I'm going to stay far away from them. What I went through with them and what I went through with heroin I will never go through again. I can't lose Gideon or you. I don't want to lose my friends again."

"We don't want to lose you," I say. "You're doing so good and I'm proud of you for that."

"Thanks," she says with a soft smile. She's absolutely beautiful. She looks so much better now than she did months ago when heroin took over her life. She has put on a little bit of weight and she's not bone thin like she was before. She has a lot of meat on her body and she has some wonderful curves. She looks healthy, her dark circles under her eyes are gone and her hazel eyes are brighter. "Do you think I should press charges against them?"

"I can't answer that for you, Azalea, only you can answer that question. You told me you wanted your independence when it came to this stuff so you have to make your own decision about it. You have to do what you think is right."

"I know," she says taking a bite of her pizza. "I need to think about it more."

"And just so you know," I say, "whatever you choose to do I will be by your side no matter what."

"Thanks," she says with a smile. "So I wasn't able to get you a birthday present," she says.

"That's fine. The only present I need is you and Gideon. I don't need anything else."

"Okay," she says with a smile. "But I promise I will get you something for Christmas."

"You don't even have to do that," I say. "You don't have to get me anything. Let's just focus on getting Gideon some stuff. What do you want to get him?"

"Clothes our little chunky butt is getting too big for his clothes and soon he'll be out of them. He could use a couple toys because he's going to be 4 months old in January. He's going to start playing with toys so I think that is a good idea. Other than that I don't think he really needs a lot of stuff. He is still really young yet."

"I know," I say. "That sounds good to me."

"And I am not sure about spending Christmas with you guys I mean with your mom and all."

"Don't worry about her," I say, "this is Gideon's first Christmas we're spending it together and you're my girlfriend. We're spending it together. She'll just have to get over it. There's going to be a lot of times where you're going to be there and she's going to be there."

"I know but I just want to get along with her for Gideon."

"I know," I say, "and all you have to do is talk to her when you're ready."

"Okay," she says, "but I just want to stay civil and want to have a decent relationship with her just because she is your mom and she's my son's grandmother."

"I know," I say as I kiss her cheek softly. "Everything will be fine."

"I hope so," she says.

After we finish eating our pizza I take our cups and plates to the kitchen to put into the sink while she gets the movie ready to watch. I come back to the living room and see her sitting on the couch with the remote and take a seat next to her. She hits play before she cuddles up in my arms to watch the movie. I smile as she puts her head on my shoulder, resting it there as I play with her soft curly hair as we watch the movie. I kiss her forehead softly as she smiles before I nuzzle at her neck. Kissing it softly and nibbling on it softly. She moans out as I take my teeth along the length of her neck before kissing it softly and nuzzling her. My lips kiss her cheek softly and kiss the corner of her mouth before she removes her head from my shoulder. Looking at me with her beautiful eyes I lean in and kiss her soft full lips. She grants me access to her mouth. I kiss her deeply and passionately as she cups my face as I cup hers. Her tongue twisting and intertwining with mine, I tilt her head back deepening the kiss as she moans out. I smile against her lips as I continue to kiss her. Her hands make their way to my hair. She pulls it softly and gently as she plays with my hair as I fist my hands in hers. The passion deepening between us as I take my hand up her shirt as I continue to kiss her wanting more, needing more. "Dean," she says breathlessly as she removes my hand from her shirt. "Slow remember? I'm not ready to have sex yet."

"I'm sorry," I say. "But I do like kissing you."

"I like kissing you too," she says with a smile, "but I don't want more right now."

"Okay," I say with a smile before my lips are on hers again as we spend the rest of the evening making out with each other. I love this woman so much. I would kiss her all night and all day if I could. I would spend the rest of my life with her if she'd let me.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Dean telling his mom if she can't get along with Azalea that she can be excluded from Gideon's life? Is that right for him to do? How do you think them spending Christmas together is going to go? Do you think it could end in disaster? Do you think Dean's mom will give Azalea the chance to talk to her or no? What do you think of Azalea not wanting a relationship with her family after she apologizes to them? Do you think she's making the wrong move? What did you think of Dean spending time with Gideon? Is he a good dad? Did they seem like a little family? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	10. I Belong

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Dean asks me as we are driving to his mom's house so that I can talk to her and hopefully make amends with her and make things civil between us. I'm not asking her to be my best friend or anything. I just want to have a decent, civil relationship with her because she is my son's grandmother and she is my boyfriend's mother. I don't want tension between us when Gideon is around. I know she's always going to be a part of Gideon's life much like I am always going to be a part of his life. There are going to be events, birthdays, school things and so much more that we will all be together for. I don't want Gideon growing up seeing a tension between the two of us. I want to apologize to her today and go from there. Hopefully we can have a decent relationship and if not as long as we get along for Gideon that's all that matters. He is the one that always matters to me.

"Yes," I say as he takes my hand into his and intertwines our fingers as he drives down the snow filled streets of Cincinnati. We had our first snowfall of the year and I love it. I love the snow. I love how beautiful a fresh fallen snow is. "I'm sure I want to do this. It's something I need to do."

"Well, I'm going to be there the whole time okay?"

"Okay," I say with a smile as he kisses my hand softly. "Does she know you're bringing me over?"

"Well, I did leave out that little detail," he says, "but if I had told her she would have made some excuse to not be there."

"So you're just going to upset her by showing up with me unexpectedly, that sounds like a great plan," I say.

"She said she would talk to you when you were ready to talk to her," he says, "but I didn't want to risk her trying to make a run for it if I told her you were coming."

"So she doesn't really want to talk to me she was just telling you what you wanted to hear then? Thanks for making this so much easier, Baby," I say, "I'm already a mess over this whole thing. I know she doesn't like me."

"Relax, Babe," he says stroking my knuckles with his thumb. "It's going to be okay."

"I hope so," I say nervously as I rub his arm with my hand.

"It will be. My mom she just loves me, she loves me a lot. She just wants the best for me. She's having a problem accepting that you're the best for me but I want you to show her baby. I want you to show her that you're the best for me."

"I'll do my best but I don't have the best track record with her," I say.

"But you're not that person anymore, Azalea, you're changing. She'll see that you just have to give her time. I'm sure everything will be all right with you and her. It's just going to take a little bit of time."

"I know," I say as he pulls into his mom's driveway. I have never been more nervous in my life than I am right now. He parks the car and kisses my lips softly.

"You've got this," he says making me smile. "And I'm here if you need me," he says with promise in his voice. We get out of the car and he gets Gideon out of the back seat. I smile as I see Gideon looking up at us with his blue eyes as we walk to the front door. Dean holds my hand as he rings the doorbell. "It's going to be all right," he says.

A couple minutes later, Dean's mom opens the door with a smile on her face but when she sees me her smile fades. That's unnerving. "Dean," she says, "you brought Azzy."

"Azalea," I say with a soft smile. "Can we talk?"

"I suppose," she says letting us into the house. She shuts the door behind us as we wipe the snow off our boots before we take our jackets off. We hang them up by the door before she leads us to the living room. I get Gideon out of his carseat and take off his jacket and hold him in my lap as I hand him a little rattle to play with. "Can I get either of you something to drink?" she asks as Dean sits next to me on the couch and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm all right," I say.

"Me too," says Dean.

"Okay, Azalea," she says, "what would you like to talk about?"

"Well," I say as I brush a piece of hair behind my ear. "I just wanted to apologize to you for everything I've done to you. I'm sorry that I stole from you. I'm sorry that you let me into your home and I stole from you. I'm sorry."

"Azalea," she says, "I appreciate that. I accept your apology but I'm not happy with the fact that you hurt my son. He fell in love with you. He wanted a future with you. He wanted to be with you the rest of his life and you hurt him."

"I know I hurt him and that wasn't my intention. I love Dean. I really do but I was in a bad place in my life and my mind wasn't in the right place. I was a mess emotionally and physically. I know I'm making excuses for my actions but when you're high or you need that fix you hurt people. I didn't mean to hurt him like I didn't mean to hurt my best friend or Richard or you. I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself for what I did. I shouldn't have stolen from any of you. I was wrong for that. I was wrong for hurting Dean and he deserved better than what I gave him. I know that he does and I am trying to change myself and be a better person. I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry."

"Dean is my baby boy," she says, "he has been through a lot in his life. The last thing I ever want to see is for my baby boy to get hurt. As his mother I want to protect him. I watched him struggle with his own addiction. I couldn't help him until he needed or wanted help on his own. I watched him steal from me every day, I watched him steal pills from my medicine cabinet, I watched him leave home to live out on the streets. I watched him destroy himself and lose himself to the streets. It was the hardest thing as a mother to watch and not be able to protect him. I watched him destroy his life and there was nothing I could do. The day he became a father he finally decided he needed help and he went into rehab. He has been doing so well ever since. He has been doing great. He went to rehab, he got himself clean for his wife and his daughter only for his wife to take off with their daughter leaving him hurt and broken. That was devastating but he held it together. He didn't turn back to drugs. He channeled his brokenness into achieving his dream of becoming a wrestler. He got a good job, he started his own rehab group and he was doing very well for himself. I was so proud of him. I'm still proud of him. He has fought for years to see his daughter. He has been fighting most of his life and he comes out on top every time. I'm proud of him. Then you came along and shook everything up. You make him happy. I can see that. He's very happy with you. He is in love with you. Then you hurt him by stealing from him and by using drugs. That hurt him. I hate to see my baby boy hurt. You'll understand with Gideon someday. As a mom all you want to do is protect your son. I know you were in the wrong state of mind but you still hurt him."

"I know and I apologize for that," I say, "I don't know what I would do if someone hurt Gideon. I want to protect him so much already. I couldn't imagine anyone hurting him. I'm sorry that I hurt Dean. I really am. I'm trying to be a better person now. It's not that I didn't love him because I do. I really love him."

"I am sure you do," she says, "but I just want to make sure you're not going to hurt him again."

"I don't plan on it." I say. "I love him way too much. I'm trying to be a family with him. I won't hurt him again."

"We'll see how that goes," she says.

"Mom," says Dean.

"I know, Dean, you love her. I know that you truly love her but you have to understand my concern for you."

"I know you're concerned," he says, "but I'm a big boy now. I make my own decisions. You can't protect me anymore. I have to make my own decisions if I get hurt then I get hurt. I learn a lesson. You can't stop me from getting hurt it's a part of life. It's a lesson that everyone needs to learn in life. I'll get through it but I truly believe that Azalea will not hurt me. She's in a much better place right now and I don't think she's going to fall back down that road again."

"I hope not," she says.

"You don't have to like me," I say, "you don't' have to be my best friend. I just want to let you know I'm sorry for what I did and I want us to be able to get along for Gideon's sake. I would love for someday for us to be friends but that's up to you."

"Azalea," she says, "let's just take it one step at a time. You have a lot to prove to me but I will remain civil with you because of Dean and Gideon. I am not happy with this relationship that you two have going on but I understand you're trying to be a family for Gideon. I understand that but I don't want to see Dean or Gideon get hurt."

"I won't hurt them," I say.

"I hope not," she says. "I want to like you, Azalea, I want to believe you but you have to prove to me that I can trust you and you're not the girl that hurt my son."

"I'll prove it to you the best that I can," I say. "I promise."

"All right," she says. "Can I hold him?"

"Sure," I say as I hand Gideon to her and she smiles as she takes him into her arms.

"I will say this, you are a good mother despite everything you have done in the past you are a good mother."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile as Dean kisses my cheek softly.

Dean, Gideon and I spend the afternoon at his mom's house. We have lunch together and his mom and I talk. Things seem to be going okay but I know that I have a lot to prove to her. The biggest hurdle is over I talked to her and apologized for what I did. I feel a lot better now than I did before but I still have a few other things I need to do. I have to make my decision about pressing charges against Chris and Ty as well as making amends with my parents. When we leave Dean's mom's house Dean and I go to pick out a Christmas tree for his house. We decided we were going to get a tree for his house and decorate it there since that's where we'll be spending Christmas. I'm excited to decorate a tree for Gideon and get him Christmas presents. I never really got to enjoy Christmas so this is the first year in a long time that I get to actually enjoy the joys of Christmas.

When we get back to Dean's house he sets the tree up in the living room while Gideon is in his swing and I go down to his basement to get out the Christmas decorations. I bring them into the living room a few moments later as he is finishing up with the tree. "Looking good," I say with a smile.

"Thanks," he says with a smile. "I want to put a train under the tree do you think Gideon will like that?"

"I think Gideon is only 2 months old almost 3 months old so it doesn't matter," I say with a smile.

"True," he says with a shrug as he works on the tree some more. "You found the decorations okay?"

"Yeah," I say. "I want to take Gideon to see Santa Claus and get him his first ornament."

"We can do that," he says with a smile as he walks over to me as I open the box of ornaments. "Look at this," he says holding up an ornament of a little boy sitting on Santa's lap. "This is ancient."

"Is that you?' I ask looking at it.

"Yeah, I was probably 4 years old," he says.

"You were such a cute kid," I say with a smile. "No wonder Gideon is so freaking cute."

"Gideon is cute because he looks like is beautiful Mama," he says wrapping me up in his arms making me giggle. "You're so beautiful," he says with a smile as he looks into my hazel eyes with his blue eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say with a soft smile before he kisses my lips softly. I wrap my arms around his neck and play with his curls as he kisses me deeply. "All right," I say breaking the kiss, "tree decorating," I say.

"Okay," he says letting me go after giving me one last soft kiss on my lips. I pick Gideon up from the swing and we start to decorate the tree together as a family. For once in my life I actually feel like I belong without the use of drugs. Dean puts the finishing touch on the tree by adding a star to the top of the tree. "What do you think?" he asks.

"It's beautiful," I say with a smile as I kiss Gideon's cheek. "It's pretty isn't it?" I ask him as Dean turns on the lights. "Ooh look at the lights," I say with a smile. "It's beautiful, Babe."

"Thanks," he says with a smile as he wraps his arm around my shoulders.

"I haven't decorated a Christmas tree for years. I can't even remember the last time I got to enjoy Christmas but I'm really looking forward to it this year."

"Me too," he says as he kisses my cheek softly. "It is a beautiful tree."

"It really is," I say as he looks at his watch.

"It's late," he says, "do you want me to take you home now?"

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Almost 8," he says.

I look out the window and see that the snow is falling again and the roads look bad. "It looks kind of bad out there. I think I should just stay here tonight I mean if that's all right with you."

"Of course, Babe," he says, "I'll cook us some dinner while you get Gideon a bath and get him ready for bed."

"Okay," I say with a smile. He kisses my lips softly before I take Gideon upstairs to his bathroom to give him a bath before I get him ready for bed while Dean cooks us some dinner. I don't know what he's cooking but it smells delicious. I get Gideon dressed into his sleeper and go down to the kitchen to make him a bottle to feed him before I put him to bed. Dean kisses him before I take him back upstairs to his nursery. I sit in the rocking chair and feed him as I look around the room. Dean loves his son that's for sure. I would never discredit him for that. His love for him is amazing. The nursery he made for him and decorated for him is wonderful. Dean went with a light blue and light green dinosaur theme for him. He even drew a couple dinosaurs on the wall for him and painted his name in light green letters above his crib. Gideon is lucky to have Dean for a dad. I look down to see Gideon sleeping in my arms. I stand up and put him into his crib. I grab the monitor before turning on the nightlight after I kiss his soft cheeks. He smells like a baby, baby powder mixed with baby lotion. It's a beautiful smell. Sometimes when I look at him I just want to cry that I made something so perfect. I watch him sleep for a few minutes before I leave the room as I turn off the light.

"Is he asleep?" asks Dean as I make my way to the kitchen.

"Yeah," I say with a smile. "It smells good."

"Thanks," he says with a smile. "I made us some spaghetti."

"Sounds good to me," I say with a smile. "I'm starving."

"Me too," he says with a smile as he hands me a plate of spaghetti before we make our way to his living room. We sit down in front of the tree next to each other to eat our dinner together as the lights from the tree light the room for us.

"This is really good," I say with a smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he says. "So what if I told you that I wanted to take you away. Just you and me for a few days?"

"Just you and me?" I ask as I eat my spaghetti. "For how long?"

"Just a few days," he says, "I have off over Christmas. I don't go back to work until after the New Year before things get busy and I want to take you away for a few days."

"Who would watch Gideon and what about McKenna?" I ask.

"My mom is going to keep them for a few days. We would leave the day after Christmas and come back the day before New Year's Eve. What do you think?"

"I kind of like that idea. Where are we going?"

"Well, this is my Christmas present to you but how do you feel about going to Hawaii for a few days?"

"You're taking me to Hawaii?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says with a smile. "What do you think?"

"I think you're the best boyfriend ever and I love you so much!" I put my plate down and wrap my arms around him. "Thank-you," I say as I kiss his cheek softly.

He lets out a chuckle and says, "I love you too and you're welcome. I figured that you need this and I need this. Once the Royal Rumble hits everything is going to get crazy so I want to get some time in with you before everything goes crazy."

"I have no complaints," I say with a smile. "I've never been to Hawaii but I can't wait to go."

"Me either," he says with a smile knowing he made my entire day. "We're going to have so much fun."

"I'm sure," I say with a smile. "I can't believe it."

"Believe it," he says. "I want to spoil you."

"You don't have to," I say, "I don't deserve to be spoiled."

"But I want to and I will often. You're just going to need to accept that."

"Okay," I say with a smile. "Can I talk to you about something though?"

"Anything," he says, "what's up?"

"I want to press charges against Chris and Ty."

"You do?" he asks.

"Yes, I have been thinking about it. I have been thinking about everything they have done to me and everything they put me through, everything they took from me. I want some closure on this situation. I want to press charges. I think they need to pay for all the things they did to me and to get them off the streets so they don't hurt another girl like they hurt me."

"Well, if that's what you want to do," he says, "I'm going to be right here the whole time, by your side supporting you."

"You're going to have to hear all the nasty and gruesome details are you okay with that?"

"I can handle that," he says. "I just want you to have the closure you desire."

"So you're going to be there for me?"

"I'm always here for you. I'm here to support you."

"Thanks," I say as I lean into him and he wraps an arm around my waist. "You're a pretty awesome boyfriend."

"Thanks," he says as he kisses my forehead. "I do my best."

"I know," I say, "so I guess it's time for me to start to let go huh?"

"You're heading in that direction," he says. "I think pressing charges is a good idea. I mean you'll get the closure you need to fully heal. I don't know what happened but I know when you're ready you'll tell me everything that happened but I just want you to know I am here and I support you through this. You're not in this fight alone, Azalea so don't feel like you are. I'm here, your therapist is here and so is Kim. You're not alone we will have your back through it all. I'm glad you made this decision."

"Me too," I say, "it may get ugly but it's worth it just to see those two end up behind bars and lose their lives. They took something from me, Dean and I'm taking it back."

"Good," he says. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say as I let out a deep breath as I stay snuggled up to him as we eat our dinner together.

 ***A/N: How do you think Azalea's talk with Dean's mom went? Did it go better than you thought? Do you think they will work things out and Azalea will prove to her she is a different person? What do you think of them decorating a tree for Christmas do they seem like a family? What do you think of Dean's support for Azalea? Are you glad she's pressing charges against Chris and Ty? What do you think of Dean taking her to Hawaii as a Christmas gift? Do they both need this trip? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	11. The Things That Shape Us

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

 **CHRISTMAS EVE:**

"Do you want some time to talk to your mom?" asks Dean as I am pacing around in the guest room holding my cellphone as he holds Gideon in his arms.

"I don't know if I can do this, Dean," I say. "Everyone else was easy but my mama is different. This could go really bad."

"Well, I'm here for you if you need me," he says. "I'm always here for you. I love you, Azalea. If you don't want to do it tonight then don't do it."

"My mama hurt me so much growing up," I say as I take a seat on my bed in the guest room before he takes a seat next to me. "It's like forgiving her even though she doesn't really deserve my forgiveness. She hurt me so much. I was never the child she wanted. I could never make her happy no matter how hard I tried. There was always something she found to get on me about. She tore me down and ripped me apart a little more each day. Each day she killed my self-esteem a little more. I don't know. I know I'm not innocent. I know I hurt her too. I am sure no one wants their child to become an addict. I'm sure I embarrassed her more than anything."

"I'm sure no parent wants their child to become an addict either but you didn't embarrass her. You deserved better for a mom. A parent should be proud of their child no matter what they do. No child is perfect, hell no adult is perfect. I'm sure your mama has her flaws. In fact, the fact that she tore you down the way she did proves it. You're perfectly you. You can't live to please everyone. It just sucked that you were a little girl growing up with parents that didn't want to see that. They were too busy pushing you to do everything you didn't want to do that they didn't take the time to enjoy who you were. So maybe you were a little wild but that doesn't make you inferior. I think I would like to have a wild child that is spontaneous and you never know what you're going to get than to have a child that's going to follow all the rules and strive for perfection. You're amazing, Azalea. They were just too selfish to see that in you. I think you're great. You're a great mom, you're a great person. You made some bad choices but hell we all make bad choices some are just worse than others. If we didn't make mistakes none of us would have a lesson to learn. Life is about learning. Your parents should learn a little bit. They're not perfect."

"So you want a wild child?" I ask with a smile as I hold my cell phone in my hand. "I hope you remember that in a couple months when Gideon is running around wild. I mean after all he has our genes in him. He's not going to be easy."

"Probably not," he says with a smile. "Are you going to be a handful? Are you?" Gideon smiles at him. "Well, we're going to have our hands full. I was a wild child."

"Me too," I say, "obviously. Do you think calling her is the right thing to do?"

"I think that if you truly want to move past everything and move on with your life it's something you have to do. Whatever happened to your sister? Do you ever talk to her?"

"No," I say, "I haven't talked to her since I was 14. She's not my favorite person. She's probably carrying honors in high school and at the top of her class. I'm sure she's perfect."

"I'm sure she has her moments," he says. "No one is perfect. Everyone is flawed."

"I guess that's true, some are more flawed than others."

"I don't know," says Dean as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "I kind of think that perfection is ugly, I want to see scars, failure, disorder and distortion in a person. I want to know that they have been through something so deep that they have a story to tell. A story of redemption, a story of building themselves up, making themselves better, fixing their cuts, their scrapes, turning their failures into triumphs. I want to see that in a person. I want someone that knows pain, what it's like to be hurt, someone that knows what it's like to learn a lesson from a mistake not someone that's perfect. I want to see someone that knows the pain of failure. Perfection is boring and ugly. You don't really live until you've made mistakes, until you've failed, until you've had disorder and until you have made scars. Scars are a way to remind us of our past and to remind us of what we've been through to shape us into the people we've become. I know you're not perfect and I love that about you. I'm not perfect either. We both have scars that have made us who we are today."

"I'm glad you love me for my imperfections," I say with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. "You can do this, Azalea."

"Okay," I say. "I'll be downstairs when I'm finished."

"Okay," he says, "good luck."

"Thanks, Babe," I say with a smile as I start to dial my mom's cell phone number into my phone as he stands up and makes his way out of the room.

I put the phone up to my ear and take a deep breath as I hear it ringing on the other end. I have thought about doing this for so long but didn't have the courage to do it. I want to do this now. I want to get this over with and out of the way. I'm not looking for her to take me back in her life, I'm looking to let go of the pain and displeasure she brought into my life all her negative words that she filled my head with. I want to let go of all that and the only way to do that is talk to her about how much I was wrong because I screwed up. "Hello," she says as she answers the phone.

"Mama," I say.

"Azzy," she says. "What are you calling me for? Are you in trouble?"

"I'm fine," I say. "I'm really fine. I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. Do you have time to talk?"

"I have some time. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry that I was such a problem child when I was younger. I'm sorry that I didn't want to follow the rules and didn't want to be everything you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I disappointed you and I'm sorry that I became a drug addict."

"Azzy, all we ever wanted for you was to have a good life. I never knew that you were going to turn to the life of drugs. What happened, Azzy?"

"Mama, to be honest, most of the stuff I did was to spite you. You were so horrible to me when I was little because I wasn't perfect. You abused me you made me feel like I would never be anything. That I wasn't good enough, I felt so unloved with you. I felt horrible. I knew what would make you tick. I knew hanging out with the wrong people would piss you off. I knew that having sex would make you hurt, I knew that doing drugs would hurt you. I just wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me. You never really made me feel like I belonged in our family. When I was with my friends I did belong and while I belonged I was hurting you and that made me feel good. I wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did everything I could to hurt you. I'm sorry that I turned to drugs, that I stole from you, that I disrespected you and I'm sorry that I ruined our family. I was 15 years old when you kicked me out and I probably would have kicked myself out too. I am sorry for the pain and agony that I caused you."

"Azzy," she says.

"Please call me Azalea," I say. "That's what I want."

"Okay," she says, "Azalea, why would you want to hurt me so badly?"

"Because of the way you hurt me. You pretty much destroyed my childhood. You were trying to shape me into everything I didn't want to be and I didn't agree with that. You wanted me to be perfect and when I wasn't you didn't want me. You have always put Angelina on a pedestal because she was everything you wanted but then I was nothing. I was just a shadow in the night, forgotten about, left out. I wanted to hurt you because you hurt me. I wanted to show you I wasn't perfect. I wanted you to feel the hurt that I felt. I just got lost in it all and screwed myself up. I'm sorry that I did it. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Azalea, you have no idea how much pain it brought to your father and I to see you doing drugs and to lose you to the streets. That was the hardest thing I have ever seen. We didn't want to kick you out but you didn't want to follow the rules and then we just lost you. We tried to find you a couple months later but you were nowhere to be found. We didn't know if you were alive or dead. We didn't know where to find you. I spent two years in agony thinking I lost my daughter. We could have helped you but we didn't. Instead we chose to kick you out allowing you to fall victim to the streets. You had a problem and we turned our backs on you. I'll never forgive myself for that. I don't know what you went through on those streets," she says as I hear her voice crack. "But when we saw you in that hospital bed it broke my heart. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like because we kicked you out you ended up there. I will never forgive myself for that."

"Mama," I say with tears in my eyes. "It's not your fault at all. I don't blame you for my drug addiction or what happened to me. I made my own choices. I chose to get high, I chose to do heroin. I chose to hang out with Chris and Ty. I chose that life. You didn't make me do it. I chose it. Don't blame yourself for my mistakes. I knew right from wrong and I chose to do the wrong thing. That was all me and I'm sorry."

"Azalea, I love you," she says before she lets out a sob. "I want you to come home, come be home with your family."

"Mama," I say, "I'm not coming home. I don't want to come home."

"Well, are you well?" she asks.

"I'm doing well," I say. "I'm sober, I'm out of rehab. I've been seeing a therapist and I have been going to a group. I have a son. I have a job and I am going to college. I'm doing well but I don't want to go home. I like it here in Cincinnati."

"You went to rehab?"

"Yes shortly after my attack. I spent 6 months in rehab to better myself and to be a better person. I needed to get sober and I needed help. My life is going well now. I'm happy. For the first time in years I am happy and I am enjoying life and I like myself. I haven't liked myself for a long time but I love myself now. I love who I am becoming. I made bad choices but I have learned from them. I hated the person I used to be but now I'm loving myself more and more each day. I'm discovering my true self. I am doing so well and I'm doing everything I can to give my son the life he deserves."

"I'm glad to hear that," she says, "I'm glad that you got yourself the help that you needed. I'm happy about that. You were in bad shape when we saw you in the hospital and you kicked us out."

"Because you weren't making it better, Mama. And I'm glad I got the help that I needed too, Mama. And I have Dean to thank for that. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be doing as well as I am doing right now. He got me into the best rehab center he could have and he got me into a really good support group and a really good therapist."

"Who is Dean? Is that the baby's father?"

"Yes," I say, "he is the baby's father and my boyfriend. You met him at the hospital," I say.

"Oh," she says, "he is cute."

I smile and say, "he's gorgeous but he's a really good guy, Mama. You'd like him."

"I'm sure. He sounds like a good guy. How is he with your son?"

"He's an excellent father, Mama. He does so well with him. I love his bond with him. I'm really sorry about everything."

"Me too," she says, "Azalea, we should have never kicked you out of the house. We should have never done that. You had a problem and we should have helped you then. You may have turned out differently if we got you the help you needed then instead of kicking you out. You were 15 years old it was like we kicked you out and told the streets they could have you. I guess we thought you were going to come back home but you never did."

"Because I was too wrapped up in the streets and getting my fix. I got bad. I won't even lie. I went through things that I will never forget. I have been through more pain than I should have been. I went through things that you probably have only had nightmares about. I will never forget it but I have learned from it. I am in the process of fixing myself and making myself better. It is our past that shapes into who we are and who we want to be. I don't want to be a drug addict anymore. I want to be me. I want to be free to live my life. I want to be able to have a good job, I want to raise my son the best way I can. We can't hold onto the past. We have to let it go so that we can have a future."

"I agree," she says, "I love you, Azalea. I love you so much and I am glad that you're in a really good place right now."

"Thanks," I say.

"What are you doing for Christmas?"

"I am spending it with Dean and his family," I say, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing, your father and I are just spending Christmas with Angelina and his family. We don't have much planned."

"I see," I say. "I'm really sorry, Mama for everything."

"I'm sorry too, Azalea. So what is your son's name?"

"Gideon," I say with a smile.

"After your grandfather?" she asks.

"Yes, Mama, after my grandfather and your father, Gideon is a little warrior too. I wanted to name him after grandpa because I did respect grandpa a lot. I loved him and I wanted to name my son after him in his honor."

"That's wonderful," she says. "Grandpa would have liked that. So you like being a mama?"

"I love it," I say with a smile. "I have done so many wrong things in my life but Gideon is the right one. He makes my life. He makes my entire day. He is my world. When I look at him I see perfection. I created something so perfect in my imperfect times. He is such a blessing if it wasn't for Gideon I don't know where I would be. I wasn't going to abort him mom. I couldn't do that. He has been my saving grace. He is what helped me get through rehab and helped me want to better myself. I want to be a mom that will make him proud, give him everything he desires but most importantly let him know I love him unconditionally. He is the best thing to ever happen to me, Mama. He's a great baby."

"I'm glad," she says, "do you think you want to come to Tennessee to visit us sometime? You can bring Gideon and Dean with you. I would love to meet Dean under better circumstances and I would love to meet my grandson. I want us to have some type of relationship, Azalea. I know I haven't been the best mom to you. I could have been a better mom. I could have done more to help you but I didn't. I have missed out so much on your life and I just want to get to know you."

"Mama, honestly, I am just starting to get to know myself. I'm not sure about going home to Tennessee. Would Papa like that?"

"I'm sure he would love to see his daughter and to see his grandson. I'm sure he would love to meet the man you're involved with again under better circumstances. I want to see you. Would you like to come to Tennessee?"

"Mama," I say, "I don't know. I have a lot going on, Dean is a busy man. I don't know. And we're leaving for Hawaii in a couple days."

"You're going to Hawaii?" she asks. "You and Dean?"

"Yes," I say. "Dean and I."

"Wow what a guy," she says. "You deserve someone like him in your life."

"Actually I don't really deserve him at all but he's a good man and despite all the wrong I have done he still accepts me and still loves me."

"Well, you think about Tennessee and you let me know. I love you, Azalea. It was nice to talk to you. Merry Christmas."

"I'll talk to Dean and I'll think about it. Then I'll let you know," I say. "Merry Christmas, Mama. Have a good night."

"You too," she says before I hang up the phone and hold it in my lap trying to gather myself together. That went a lot better than I had expected it to. I still have to talk to my dad and my sister. Those two I'm not sure about. I put my phone down on the bed and stand up to make my way downstairs to spend Christmas Eve with Dean and his family.

I make my way into the living room and Dean's mom is handing Gideon his Christmas gift from her. I walk over to Dean and he smiles as he puts his arm around my shoulders as we watch his mom help him open his present as she holds him in her lap. "How did it go?" he asks as he kisses my cheek softly.

"It went okay. It was a lot better than I had ever expected it to be. She wants you, Gideon and me to go to Tennessee to visit her."

"What do you think about that?"

"I'm not sure I like the idea. I'm not sure I'm ready for a homecoming after everything."

"I understand whenever you're ready let me know and I'll go with you."

"You will?" I ask.

"I will," he says with a smile as Dean's mom exposing a little drum for Gideon as they opened his gift.

"What is that, Gideon?" I ask with a smile. "Is that a drum?" I ask. He smiles at me as Dean's mom shows him how to work it but I don't think he even cares. He's still too young for it yet but he'll grow to like it.

After we do Christmas presents Dean's mom and his brother leave. McKenna changes into her new Christmas pajamas and I change Gideon into his while Dean makes us hot chocolate and gets us some Christmas cookies that McKenna and I baked together earlier. I like her. She's a sweet little girl and we have gotten along really well. We gather around the Christmas tree to drink hot chocolate, eat cookies and to listen to Dean read a Christmas story called The Night Before Christmas. When he is finished we put the kids to bed before we put out their Christmas presents before we go to bed. "I'll see you in the morning," he says to me as we stand outside the guest room.

"I'll see you in the morning, goodnight, Baby. I love you."

"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he says before I walk into the guest room. I change out of my clothes and into a pair of flannel pajamas before I crawl into bed and fall asleep for the night.

 ***A/n: What did you think of Azalea talking to her mom? Did it go well? What about her mom blaming herself for Azalea's mistakes? are you glad Azalea owned up to her mistakes and told her mom it wasn't her fault? What do you think about her mom asking her to come to Tennessee do you think Azalea ever will? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	12. Hawaii

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"Wow," I say as Dean and I walk into our hotel room in Hawaii. It's an amazing room. It's absolutely beautiful. There is an area with a coffee table, TV and a sofa, there's a kitchen in the room and the bedroom is just amazing all together. The walls are painted a light blue and there is a wooden dresser in the room with different decorations of Hawaii on it. I lay my suitcase down by the king sized bed in the room with dark blue bedding with white Hawaiian flowers on it for decoration. I walk over to the window and look out to see the beautiful beach of Hawaii in front of me. I look at the blue water and the sandy beaches. It's beautiful the view is breath taking. I walk out onto the patio and look over the beach.

Dean comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist kissing my neck softly. "It's beautiful isn't it?" he asks as I place my hands on his as he rests his chin on my shoulder.

"Very beautiful," I say with a smile as I turn to face him placing my hands on his shoulders as his arms stay snaked around my waist. "Thank-you, Baby," I say with a soft smile as I look into his baby blue eyes. They're the type of eyes I can get lost in for hours. They are so beautiful. They remind me of the Pacific Ocean and as blue as the summer skies. He has the most beautiful eyes and not to mention the most beautiful smile as he flashes me one showing his cute dimples.

"You're welcome, Baby Girl," he says with his smile. "I just want you to enjoy your time here. We only have a few days. I just want to enjoy these beautiful days together, enjoying one another and just having a good time. We both need this."

"I love you," I say with a soft smile.

"I love you too," he says with a smile before he kisses my lips softly and kisses me deeply, passionately, loving. I run my fingers through his wild hair as he kisses me, pulling me closer to him so my body is tight against his. The sound of the ocean in the background as the waves crash down in the distance. "Come on, let's go to the beach," he says.

"Now?" I ask.

"Now," he says with a smile as he takes my hand into his and leads me back into our room. I have no complaints as I get my black bikini out of my suitcase and he gets his swim trunks out of his suitcase. I walk into the bathroom to put my bikini on and you would never know I had a baby if you didn't know me. I check myself out in the mirror and I look perfect. I'm not Barbie doll thin and I don't want to be. I have curves in all the right places. I'm perfect the way I am. I make my way out into the room to see him standing in his blue and white swim trunks. "Damn," he says with a smile. "You look hot," he says making me blush. "That bikini is just, it's perfect for you."

"Thanks," I say with a smile, "you look pretty hot yourself. And you're all mine."

"And that's the beauty of you," he says as he wraps his arm around my waist. "You're all mine." He kisses my lips softly. "I am looking forward to this trip," he says with a smile.

"I bet," I say with a smile.

Dean throws on a T-shirt as I throw on a sundress before we make our way to the beautiful beach. I haven't been to the beach since I was 10 years old. I always loved the beach. It was always a happy place for me. There's nothing better than the ocean hitting your feet. I have never been to Hawaii though so I am looking forward to all the things Dean has planned for us the next few days. I'm just looking forward to spending the time with him. We arrive on the beach and we have our own private cabana with sparkling cider. A man pours us each a glass of sparkling cider before handing it to us. "Here's to a beautiful trip and making lots of memories together," says Dean holding up his glass.

"I'll drink to that," I say with a smile as we clang our glasses together before taking a sip of the cider. "I'm looking forward to this trip."

"Me too," he says with a smile. "I'm going to make it the best trip of your life."

"I'm sure you will," I say before I take another sip of my cider as we soak up the sun before we spend some time in the ocean together.

Dean holds true to his promise of giving me the best trip of my life. We spent the first day spending time on the beach taking pictures of ourselves on our trip and then that night we went to a luau and had some of the most amazing food, Ham, pineapple, Hawaiian fried rice and during dinner there was a Polynesian show with flame throwers and women and men doing tribal dances from their culture. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. The next day was followed by swimming with dolphins in the morning which was another amazing experience for me. I have never done anything like that in my life. Dolphins are such majestic animals. I loved every minute of it. They were smart too doing tricks, allowing us to swim with them and I even kissed a dolphin. If you asked me a couple years ago if I would be enjoying a trip to Hawaii with my beautiful man and enjoying every minute of it I would have told you no. The next day we spent the day hiking up a volcano another one of kind never before done experience in my life. The view from the top of the volcano was spectacular, breathtaking and one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. We sat and watched the sun set over Hawaii; just beautiful.

The final day of our trip has arrived and I am reluctant to leave the beautiful island of Hawaii. I'm going to miss our breakfast together every morning eating the sweet fruits of the island watching the sun rise over the beautiful Pacific Ocean. I could live here forever. It has definitely been a great trip. "So what do you have planned for today?" I ask as Dean drives the car while holding one of my hands keeping our fingers intertwined.

"You'll see," he says with a smile before he kisses my knuckles. "You're going to love it trust me."

"Okay," I say with a smile as he pulls into a parking lot next to a dock. I have no idea what we're doing but it looks interesting. "We're going on a boat for the day?"

"Sort of," he says as he parks the car. "You'll enjoy it."

"Okay," I say as we get out of the car. He takes me to the dock and we meet a guy.

"You're here to see the sea turtles?" he asks Dean after he introduces us.

"Yes," says Dean with a smile as he places his hand at the small of my back.

"We're seeing sea turtles?" I ask with excitement. "I love sea turtles!" I say.

"I know," he says before he kisses my cheek. "I told you that you would like this."

"I don't like it, I love it!" I say with a smile as we follow the guy onto the boat. Once we're on the boat he hands us the life jackets and we put them on before we head out to sea. I have never been more excited for anything in my entire life. The man talks to us as we sit cuddled up in the boat about sea turtles, their life span, their eating habits and a lot of information I have read in a book before. He stops the boat as we reach the middle of the Pacific Ocean. He explains that we're going to step out of the boat onto the screen to look down at the sea turtles passing through. Dean and I stand up together. He helps me step off the boat onto the screen. I am instructed to lay down on my stomach and look through a whole on the screen. I do as I'm told and as I look into the deep Pacific Ocean tons of sea turtles are swimming by. There are big ones and little ones swimming by. They're so beautiful and peaceful. Dean lies next to me looking into the water through his own hole. "They're so beautiful," I say with a smile.

"Majestic," says Dean making me smile. It's things like this that make me love him even more. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Me either," I say. "It's a dream come true."

I'm not sure how long we spend watching the sea turtles swim by but I get lost in the time enjoying the majestic sight of them floating beneath me in the beautiful blue water. It's peaceful and tranquil. I could spend the entire day watching them but eventually we have to head back to shore to get ready for whatever Dean has planned for us tonight. "Did you have fun?" he asks as we make our way back to the car.

"I had so much fun," I say holding his hand as I lean into him. "Thank-you so much for that experience, I loved every minute of it."

"I'm glad," he says before he kisses my neck softly. "I have something very special planned for you tonight."

"I can't wait," I say with a smile. "I'm looking forward to it. This whole trip has been amazing. I have really enjoyed it and have really gotten to know more about you. You're a great guy, Dean."

"Thanks," he says with a smile. "You're a great woman. I'm glad I could bring you here and get to know you better. It's been one of the best vacations of my life."

"Mine too," I say with a smile as we make our way to the car.

 **LATER THAT NIGHT:**

I put on a beautiful little black spaghetti strapped dress per Dean's request as he dresses in a button down white shirt and a pair of khaki shorts and sandals as we go to a nice romantic Hawaiian dinner on the beach surrounded by tiki torches. "This is beautiful," I say as we're eating our Hawaiian meal.

"I just wanted to end the trip with a very special night," he says with a smile as he forks chicken into his mouth. "These last few days with you have been Heaven," he says with a smile. "I haven't had this much fun and haven't enjoyed myself this much in a long time. I've had so much fun."

"Me too," I say, "I loved the dolphins and the sea turtles and spending time on the beach. It was a great trip. I would do it forever."

"Me too," he says as we eat our food. "So did you make a decision about going to Tennessee or not?"

"I haven't really decided," I say. "I'm not sure I want to. It might be a little too soon for me to go back home. I haven't even talked to my dad or my sister yet."

"Are you going to?"

"I have to," I say, "you know it's part of my steps. I just don't know what to say to Angelina we never really got along and she was always so perfect and my dad. You can't really expect anything different from a preacher."

"Your dad is a preacher?"

"Minister actually," I say as I eat some of my rice. "I know a minister's daughter turns into a drug addict. It's crazy huh?"

"I am just surprised," he says.

"I know a lot of people are when they find out. Just because my dad is a minister doesn't mean I was going to be the perfect child. I'm sure I was the talk of the congregation. I sat in church every Sunday to hear him preach and then come home to be a hypocrite. He almost ruined church for me but luckily while I was in rehab I started to go back to church. Not all ministers are like him. He probably shouldn't be preaching the word if he doesn't live it."

"I see," he says. "I am not a religious man by far. I believe in God but I don't go to church every Sunday. I don't go to church at all."

"I try," I say, "but I don't go every Sunday like some people."

"I understand," he says. "So what has been your favorite part of the trip so far?"

"Well, I love the beach because I enjoy the view of the hot man beside me but I really liked the sea turtles. That was my favorite part. I have always wanted to see a sea turtle in person thanks for making those dreams come true."

"I'm all about making dreams come true," he says with a smile. "I need to prepare you," he says.

"Prepare me for what?" I ask.

"Things are about to change for us," he says making me nervous. I'm hoping he's not breaking up with me. I'm in love with this guy I couldn't handle a breakup with him.

"What kind of change?" I ask.

"With my career," he says, "up until now I haven't really been out there in the spotlight but now they are starting to push me. A push is a good thing. They are pushing me to the top spot in WWE. In a few weeks we're having a pay per view called the Royal Rumble. The winner of that match always ends up going to main event Wrestlemania, one of the biggest pay per views of the year. It's like WWE's Super Bowl but not quite as big. I'm slated to win the Rumble which means more times I'm going to be away and more times I am going to be doing media to hype up Mania. It won't be as bad at first but as we get closer to Mania it's going to pick up. Things are going to get crazy. I'm going to be pulled here and there. I'm going to be on the road a lot more and if I were to win the championship I would be gone even more and have a busy schedule. I need you to be prepared for that. Keeping a relationship together under these circumstances is hard. I don't want this to tear us apart or this to destroy us in any way. I love you, Azalea and I want to be with you forever but I know things are about to get harder for us. I'm a pretty private person and I don't like my private life out there but I know it will be. I need you to ensure that if you have any social media accounts or anything like that that you private them and don't accept new friends or people you don't know. Be careful with what you're posting out there like pictures of Gideon I wouldn't do it unless only friends and family can see them. I don't want his picture being shown to the world you know? People are going to start caring about you, worrying about you and worrying about us. There are going to be critics and criticism is the worst. People are going to hate you or they're going to love you even if they don't know you. I know that's a bit harsh to say but it's the truth. AT home I am a normal guy, I have a private life with my kids and my beautiful girlfriend but my job makes me a celebrity in the wrestling world. I have fans, lots of fans, fans that want to know every aspect and every detail of my life so they will dig around to find out about you, to find out about McKenna to find out about Gideon. There will be fake profiles, they'll steal pictures and they'll post them on the internet. I just need to make sure you're ready for all that. Can you handle how things are going to change?"

"I can handle it," I say. "I can handle it and you know me, Dean. I'm like you I hate the internet. I don't have any social media accounts so no worries there."

"That's good," he says, "I just want to make sure that the criticism is going to get to you."

"If I don't go on the internet or go to wrestling websites how can the criticism get to me if I don't know what they're saying. I can handle this, Baby. I know what I got myself into. I want to keep as much about us private as I can but I know that some things are going to get out there. I understand that. I know I have had a drug addiction but I'm getting my life together and I am getting better. If they want to judge me off of that, that's fine. It is what it is. I'm not a bad person and I'm not going to let anyone make me feel like I am. I love myself. It took me a long time to love myself but now that I do no one's opinion of myself matters more than my own. They don't know me only you and a couple others do. People are going to talk and that's fine. Let them talk. I am me. I had a past we've all had one but our past doesn't dictate our futures. I'll be fine."

"Okay," he says with a smile. "I'm glad you understand."

"I understand it all," I say with a smile. "I get it. You're not just my boyfriend or Gideon's father. You're a WWE superstar people know you and they're curious. It's fine."

"All right, " he says with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say back with a smile as he leans across the table to kiss my lips softly. "We'll work through it and figure it out together. Love isn't always easy but the best love is the kind you need to fight for and I'm willing to fight for us."

"Me too," he says with a smile.

Later that night after a romantic walk along the beach and a romantic kiss in the moonlight Dean takes me back to our hotel room, he leads me back to the bedroom and shuts the door behind us. He leads me over to the bed and kisses my lips softly, passionately and kisses me deeply. He lays me back on the bed covering my body with his as he continues to kiss me deeply and with so much passion. I run my hand through his wild hair, pulling at it gently. He looks down into my hazel eyes as he breaks the kiss leaving us breathless. "I love you, Azalea."

"I love you too," I say with a smile before his lips are on mine again and we're in another deep passionate kiss.

"I want to make love to you," he says. "Can I make love to you?"

"Yes," I say with a smile. "Make love to me." He smiles and his lips are on mine again before he makes a trail of kisses on my neck, kissing it softly, nibbling at it softly, sucking it gently. He kisses my shoulders before he pulls the straps of my dress down allowing it to fall lower. His lips find my chest, his hands cup my breast softly, he squeezes it and massages it softly, passionately. He takes my breast into his mouth as I let out a gasp. His tongue glides over my nipple, flicking it before he sucks it softly making me moan out in pleasure. He lowers my dress further as he trails his soft kisses down my body, down my sternum and around my belly button, kissing, nibbling and sucking softly making me squirm. He removes my dress and then removes his white button down shirt exposing his perfect chest. I take my hands over his chest feeling the soft firmness. His hand slides between my legs and into my lace underwear. I let out a soft moan as he cups my sex, feeling my wetness.

"Azalea," he says in a deep raspy voice. "You're so ready," he says as he tears my panties away with the other hand. I groan as he slides his fingers into my sex. He makes love to me with his fingers as his thumb circles my clit. I lean my head back and grab onto the pillow as the passion tears through my body. The pleasure of his touch brings me over the edge with one last thrust of his fingers I fall apart and reach my climax as a soft moan escapes my lips. Dean stands up, reaches for the button of his shorts.

"Let me," I say as I stop him. I unbutton his shorts and pull them down. He steps out of them and pulls down his black briefs exposing his thick erection. I take it into my hands, stroking it softly. I take the tip into my mouth and suck it softly as he lets out a soft moan of ecstasy as I take more of him into my mouth, sucking him harder and taking him deeper into my mouth. He moans softly and groans as I make love to him with my mouth, my tongue working it's magic on his erection. His hands fisting in my curly hair as he pushes himself deeper into my mouth. I feel his erection thicken in my mouth, with a groan he releases his seed into my mouth, his hot load hitting the back of my throat. I swallow and take every drop of his seed before he pulls himself out of my mouth. He kisses my lips softly, his tongue entering my mouth as he kisses me deeply as he lays me back on the bed.

His body covering mine as his kiss deepens. He spreads my legs with his hand and I feel his erection between my legs resting on my inner thigh. "Do I need a condom?" he asks.

"I'm on the pill," I say, "and I have been taking it regularly."

"All right," he says before he kisses my lips once more. I moan against his lips as he enters me gently filling me with his thick erection. He begins his soft and passionate movements, making love to me. My hands in his hair pulling it gently as his he continues to kiss me as he makes love to me slow and softly. It's beautiful. Every movement touching every sensitive spot of my sex, the passion building between us, the pleasure ripping through my body, I pick up on his movements and move with him. I moan against his lips as he slides deeper into me. The sweat of our bodies mixing together as the breeze from the window helps keep things cool. I can't hold back anymore as the pleasure and passion take over my body. I pull his hair and curl my toes into the mattress as I reach my climax, covering his erection with my hot juices as he continues his soft movements. I feel his erection thicken and he pulls out and releases his hot seed onto my stomach with a grunt. "I love you," he says before he kisses my lips once more.

"I love you too," I say before he gets up and walks to the bathroom. He brings a towel out from the bathroom and cleans me off before he climbs back into bed next to me taking me into his arms, holding me, cuddling with me as we fall asleep in each other's arms ending our last night in Hawaii perfectly. I couldn't have asked for a better vacation than the one he gave me.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Azalea's and Dean's trip to Hawaii? Do you think they needed it? Did Dean do his best to make it special for them? Do you think Azalea will be able to handle Dean's fame? Do you think the critics will tear her down or will she be fine? Do you think they can hold it together while Dean's career picks up? What do you think of Azalea's dad being a minister? Is that shocking? What did you think of their last night together in Hawaii? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	13. Making progress

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" asks Dean as we are parked outside the police station. I sit and play with my fingers nervously looking down at my hands as he puts his hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay," he says. "If you're not ready to do this we don't have to do this today. We can do it another day."

"I want to do it," I say as I look up at him with my hazel eyes meeting his beautiful blue eyes. "I'm ready to do this. I'll never get my freedom from my past until they are behind bars. I need to find closure," I say. "I'm ready to do this."

"Okay," he says, "you know I'm here for you, Baby."

"I know, Babe," I say with a soft smile before he kisses my temple.

"I'll be here every step of the way."

"I know," I say with a smile. "That means a lot to me."

"I love you," he says as he kisses the top of my head. "You can do this."

"I know," I say with a smile. "I love you too," I say with a soft smile before he gives me a soft kiss on my lips. I take a deep breath and say, "let's do this."

"Let's do this," he says with a smile before we get out of the car.

We walk up the stairs to the police station with our hands linked together and our fingers intertwined. Dean holds the door for me as I walk into the building as he follows me. I walk over to the desk and stand behind a couple people to wait to tell them I'm there to press charges. The last person in front of me pays off a parking ticket before he walks away. I take a deep breath as I look at the woman behind the desk. "How can I help you?" she asks looking up at me with her dark brown eyes. Her brown hair is pulled up into a tight ponytail and she looks like she could do some damage if you crossed the line.

"I'm here to press charges," I say.

"And what is the nature of the crime?" she asks.

"Rape, drugs and attempted murder," I say, "and I also want to file a restraining order."

"Okay," she says, "and when did these crimes occur?"

"Between 2013 and 2015," I say honestly.

"Okay," she says, "Please have a seat and an officer and a detective will be with you shortly."

"Thank-you," I say nervously as Dean and I make our way to the chairs in the station. I take a seat as he takes one next to me keeping my hand in his. "Well, we're at step one."

"Step one," he says, "and we have a lot more to go."

"I know," I say, "but at least we're getting there. I just hope they are able to find them to get them off the streets."

"I hope so too," he says. "A restraining order is the best thing you can get against them."

"I know," I say. "This is going to get ugly. If they get wind that I am pressing charges against them or that I have reported them to the police they are bound to come after you, me or Gideon."

"Gideon?" he asks.

"Gideon," I say. "Anything to hurt me," I say. "They don't care. They will do whatever they need to do to hurt me."

"It will be the last thing they do if they put Gideon in the middle of this. They better stay away from my son."

"I know," I say as I lean back in the chair. "I'm scared."

"Don't be scared," he says, "everything is going to be okay."

"I hope so," I say as I play with his fingers. "Your fingers are so soft and perfect how many manicures do you get to keep them this way?"

He lets out a laugh and says, "I don't get manicures. Someone as nitty and gritty as me don't do manicures."

"Right," I say as a man dressed in a suit walks over to me with an officer after they walk out of the door to the back area of the police station.

"Hello, I'm Detective Somers and this is Officer Kane, are you the woman that would like to press charges in a rape, drugs and attempted murder case?" he asks.

"I'm Azalea," I say as I stand up to shake his hand. "And yes I am."

"Okay, please follow me and we can talk."

"Okay," I say.

"I'll be right here," says Dean as I look back at him.

"Thanks," I say before I follow the detective and the officer back to the detective's office.

We walk into a room where the heat is definitely on blast and it smells of new carpet. "Please have a seat," says Detective Somers. I take a seat as they do the same. "So what happened that you're pressing charges?"

"From the time I was 15 almost 16 years old until I was 18 years old I was raped and assaulted on a daily basis. I was held captive for almost two years before I finally got free. I was pumped with drugs, raped and beaten," I say, "and almost a year ago I was beaten and raped till I was almost killed," I say with tears in my eyes.

"And how old are you now?" he asks.

"I just turned 19 a couple months ago. It took place for over 2 years some of it here in Cincinnati and some of it in other places," I say, "I want to press charges against the two men that did this to me."

"We don't have the jurisdiction to get them for what happened outside of Ohio but we do have the jurisdiction to get them for what they have done here. Did the rapes and assault happen here?"

"Yes," I say, "almost a year ago I was raped and beaten till I almost died," I say. "Then I went to rehab. I wasn't ready to press charges then but I'm ready to press charges now."

"I understand," he says, "would you like to discuss what happened here in Cincinnati?"

"I was pretty much held captive for a few months. I wasn't able to get out of their grasps. They pumped drugs into my system and put me out on the streets to work then they would have parties where I was raped repeatedly and they raped me repeatedly probably 5-10 times a day. When I didn't comply I was beaten and assaulted. Almost a year ago it was so severe that they put me in the hospital. They almost killed me. I want to press charges against them."

"Okay," he says, "Is there any proof of these crimes?"

"I have hospital reports from last year where I was in the hospital for a few days with my injuries and there were pictures taken as well as a description of the sexual damage done to my vaginal area," I say. "I can get them as proof."

"Okay," he says as he makes note. "And what is your full name?"

"Azalea Rose Thomas," I say.

"And your birthdate?"

"October 30, 1996," I answer.

"Okay," he says as he makes note. "And the names of the men you're pressing charges against?"

"Christian Brooks and Tyler Brooks," I say.

"Christian and Tyler Brooks we are familiar with these two," he says looking at the officer. "How did you get involved with those two men?"

"Because I was into drugs," I say. "I fell into the wrong crowd and they are part of the crowd I fell into. I just couldn't get out."

"We know Christian and Tyler well," he says, "they are known criminals around here but they are also known squatters. We haven't been able to find them for months. We've been looking for them but they have not been found. That's the problem with squatters," he says, "they never stay in a place for too long. It's great that you want to press charges against them but they are crafty criminals and they are not dumb. They are good at what they do. They stay under the radar and when they know we're onto them they disappear for a little while. They always come back when they think everything is cleared up but we have eyes and ears everywhere looking for these two. If they come back into the Cincinnati area we will make sure they are arrested and if we have anything to do with it they will never see the light of day again. We will put another warrant out for their arrests but we can't promise anything. You know as well as we do how dangerous these two men are. They feel they are above the law and they are untouchable. It would bring great joy and pleasure for me to throw these two assholes behind bars and make their lives a living hell. You are not the only young woman they have taken advantage of and you will not be the last. Are you sure you want to press charges against these two men?"

"I'm sure," I say.

"Then I need you to sign this statement and we will issue a warrant for their arrest."

"Okay," I say as they hand me the piece of paper to sign my statement. I sign the statement and hand it back to them. "Is there a way that I can get a restraining order against them? I'm scared that they're going to get wind of this and come after me or my boyfriend even my child."

"We can draw up a restraining order but without knowing where they are we can't serve it to them but you will have a copy of it if they were to come to you or your child or your boyfriend. Is that what you would like to do?"

"Yes," I say, "Please."

"Okay," he says, "you know as well as I know Christian and Tyler are no jokes."

"I know," I say, "and that's why I'm scared to death of them."

"I understand but we will do the best that we can to protect you and your family."

"Thank-you," I say.

After I am done talking to the detective and having him draw up a restraining order against Chris and Ty they promise me they will do their best to get them off the streets and get the case going but remind me that because they are squatters it's going to be difficult to find them. They believe they will be back and that's what worries me is that they believe they will be back. I believe they will be back too and I know it won't be good. A restraining order can only do so much and that really isn't much because at the end of the day it's just a piece of paper that is supposed to make me feel safe.

"How did it go?" asks Dean as I walk out to him.

"Good," I say. "They are issuing a warrant for their arrest and they have filed a restraining order against them. The only issue is that because they are squatters they are hard to find."

"I understand that."

"And if they don't want to be found they won't be found," I say. "That's the bad part but apparently the detective has been onto them for months. They've been watching them. Every time they have gotten close to going in to make their move they have ran. Chris and Ty aren't dumb people. They know their way around the law. How they have any idea the police are looking for them is beyond me but there has to be a rat somewhere. That's my guess."

"So if there's a rat on the team wouldn't that make you pressing charges against them dangerous because they'll find out?"

"Exactly," I say, "and it will bring them back to finish what they started."

"You need to take self-defense classes. I want you to take self-defense classes," he says as we walk to the car. "I will have a better piece of mind and I'm going to up security at my house. What is the security like at your apartment?"

"Non-existent," I say.

"That's not good. That makes me a little nervous," he says. "I don't want anything to happen to you again."

"I know," I say. "I should be all right though. It will be a while before they get wind of what's going on."

"I hope so and with me being away more it really makes me uncomfortable."

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," I say.

"I hope so," he says as we reach his car. "But I would feel better knowing you took self-defense and I would feel better knowing you were in a more secure apartment."

"Okay," I say, "I'll take the self-defense classes."

"Okay," he says, "and what about the more secure apartment?"

"I don't know about all that."

"How about you move into my house and we don't have to worry about an unsafe apartment. I have security and I live in a gated area. It would be a lot safer."

"Dean," I say. "we were supposed to be taking this slow. Moving in together isn't exactly taking it slow."

"But I want to make sure you're safe," he says, "and the only way I can make sure you're safe is if you move into an apartment with better security or you move in with me to a place that is gated and has security 24/7."

"I'll think about it," I say, "okay?"

"Okay," he says before he kisses my cheek softly. "I just care about you."

"I know," I say. "Just let me think about it okay?"

"Okay," he says as I get into the car as he makes his way to the driver's side. I don't know how I feel about moving in with him. I like having my own apartment and making my own living. I don't want to become dependent on him but at the same time he's right. My apartment isn't safe enough for Gideon and me. There's not enough security so it's either move in with him or move to a new apartment that does have better security.

 **LATER THAT DAY:**

"So how was your trip to Hawaii?" asks my therapist as I am sitting on the couch in his office.

"Beautiful. I had a really great time. Dean made it so special for me. I loved every minute of it."

"What all did you do?"

"We went to the beach, we hiked up a volcano, we swam with dolphins, we took surf lessons and my favorite part was watching the sea turtles. Then the last night there Dean took me on a nice romantic dinner to the beach. It was beautiful. We ended up having sex while we were there."

"You two had sex?" he asks. "How do you feel about that? Are you okay with that? I know you were so against having sex so soon what changed your mind?"

"It just felt right in that moment," I say. "I know I wanted to wait for a little while but I was ready and I don't regret it. It was perfect."

"So you don't have any regrets about it?"

"None," I say.

"And were you careful with it?"

"Yes," I say. "I'm on birth control. I don't want another baby anytime soon. I am only 19. I'm trying to go to school and get my education in before I have another baby."

"That's good to hear," he says, "so you're still focused on your goals even though you are with Dean?"

"Just because I am with Dean doesn't mean I'm going to give up my goals. I want to have a life for me too. He has his life of wrestling and I want my life of being a drug and alcohol counselor. If he were to jeopardize that then I would have to break up with him but he supports my dreams the only thing I have an issue is that he asked me to move in with him."

"He did? And I assume you don't like that idea?"

"Not really because it makes me feel like I'm taking a few steps back in my progress. I don't want to be dependent on anyone. I like my independence of living by myself and if I move in with him I lose all that but he has a good reason for me to move in with him."

"And what reason would that be?"

"Because I went to the police station this morning and I pressed charges against Chris and Ty."

"You did?"

"Yes," I say.

"That's great! You're making a lot of progress. How are you feeling about that?"

"I feel some relief but it's still a scary situation. You know the story of them. My biggest fear is they are going to come after me. They issued a warrant for their arrest but because they are squatters it's hard to find them. They believe they will be back."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"It makes me feel scared, I don't want them to come back and find me. They tried to kill me before. What's going to stop them from trying again or actually succeeding this time?"

"You can't live your life fearing for them to come back. You need to keep living your life. Is this why Dean wants you to move in with him?"

"Yes," I say, "he wants me to live in a safe environment and he's right. He lives on gated property with security on staff 24/7. I live in an apartment that has no security at all. He makes a good point but I'm not sure I'm ready to move in with him just yet."

"Well, you have the right to say no, Azalea. It is your decision. You can ultimately make that decision yourself. What do you really want to do?"

"I don't know I'm conflicted over it all. I have to think about it."

"Do you think you're ready to move in with Dean?"

"I don't know," I say.

"If you can't answer yes that means you probably aren't ready just yet. Take some time to think about it and what will be best for YOU not for anyone else. It's what YOU want, what will make YOU happy. You have the right to put yourself first and put your feelings first. You just gained all this freedom, Azalea, you have the right to make the decisions that you want to make. You always have to think about what's best for YOU and for your son. You don't have to please anyone else. You just need to make yourself happy."

"I know," I say.

 ***A/N: What do you think about Azalea pressing charges against Chris and Ty? What do you think about the police watching them for a while now? What are the chances of them finding them to arrest them? Do you think Chris and Ty could come back at some point to finish off what they started with Azalea? What do you think about Dean asking Azalea to move in with him? Are you surprised she didn't say yes? Do you think that Azalea is making progress? Is her therapist right? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	14. Want it All

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

 **AZALEA:**

Gideon and I arrive at a Mommy and me class to meet up with Brooke and Kylie to spend the day together doing mommy and baby stuff. I've never been to one of these classes before but Brooke says they are a lot of fun for the babies. They can learn to socialize with others and the moms can socialize too. "Hey," I say with a smile as I meet her on the mat.

"Hey," she says with a smile. "I'm glad that you could make it," she says.

"Thanks for inviting me," I say with a smile. "So what do we do?"

"We'll sing songs, the babies will dance stuff like that. It gives you and Gideon a chance to make friends."

"I need to make friends," I say. "A lot of mommy friends. I have none."

"You have me," she says with a smile.

"I know but I need mommies with little boys so Gideon can have some boy friends between his sister and Kylie he's going to need some boy friends."

"That's probably true," she says. "You're going to have a lot of fun," she says to Gideon as he gives her a toothless smile. "He's getting so big," she says to me.

"I know. He's 15 pounds now he had his 4 month check-up a couple days ago. He got a couple shots but not all the ones he was supposed to. He hasn't been too miserable. I'm thankful for that and he started some baby food yesterday. He loves it."

"Awesome," she says as I hand him to her. "He really looks like you."

"I think he looks like both Dean and me," I say. "He has his mouth and his eyes the rest is all me."

"I can see that," she says. "He's getting so chunky."

"I know I love his little chunky legs they are the cutest things I have ever seen. I love being his mom."

"I know," she says. "Being a mom changes everything huh?"

"Yeah," I say. "I never knew I could love something so much. He's everything to me. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. He makes every day a gift."

"Aww," she says, "I'm so happy for you. How is Dean?"

"He's good," I say, "we're back together."

"Oh wow, how is that going?"

"Really good, we just got back from Hawaii last week."

"Hawaii? How was that? Did you have fun?" she asks as we take a seat and I hold Kylie in my lap as she holds Gideon.

"It was amazing. It is something I never experienced before. It was absolutely beautiful. I got to swim with dolphins and sea turtles. I got to hike up a volcano it was amazing. He did a really good job. It was his Christmas present to me."

"He is really working you over huh?" she asks.

"I wouldn't say he's working me over but I would say that he's being an awesome boyfriend and an even more amazing father to Gideon. I love watching him with him. He does so well with him. It's like he's wanted to be a father all his life. I mean I guess he never really got to be the father he wanted to be to McKenna but he's making up for it with Gideon. They're going to have such an incredible bond. I love my two favorite guys."

"So do you think you'll ever end up marrying Dean?" she asks me out of nowhere. "I mean have you ever thought about marrying him since you got together?"

"I would love to marry Dean someday as long as he would take me for his wife. I love him so much and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him and have more kids with him if I could. I love him, Brooke."

"I know you do and he loves you. You two have been through a lot over the last year and yet still accept each other and love one another as deeply as you do. You are on birth control though right?"

"Of course as much as I love Gideon," I say as I touch his little chubby cheek, "I do not want another baby right now. I want to take the time to enjoy being his mommy first before I make him a big brother isn't that right Gid?" I ask him with a smile as he gives me a toothless smile. "I have never seen a happier baby than him."

"He is really happy. Is his addiction gone?"

"It's not as bad as it was but we still have our nights where it's pretty bad. It's not as often as it used to be but he's getting so much better. I can't wait until he is completely over his addiction. I feel really bad that I allowed that to happen to him."

"But he is a happy and healthy baby boy who is very well loved by his mama and dad. He is a very lucky little boy to have such wonderful parents. How is Dean's daughter McKenna? Is she adjusting well to being here in Ohio?"

"Yeah for the most part," I say. "Dean hasn't really seen her much lately. He had her on Christmas and that was about it. I don't think that her mom likes me very much."

"Why wouldn't she like you? What did you ever do to her?"

"I don't know but I don't really care if she likes me or not. I don't know her and she doesn't know me to pass judgment on me. I'm going to guess it has something to do with Dean. That would be my guess."

"That she has feelings for him still but he doesn't want her because he has you?"

"Yeah," I say. "I'm aware that there are a lot of women out there that want my man and I'm okay with that as long as he comes back to me every time he's away and I'm the only one he's getting the cookie from. He better not be near anyone else's cookie but mine. I don't think he would ever cheat on me though."

"I doubt he would either but that doesn't excuse McKenna's mom of disliking you. I mean your kids are half-siblings I'm not saying be best friends but at least be civil because the only ones getting hurt are the kids."

"I know. I'm not the one with the problem. She's going to need to accept me in her life and McKenna's. I'm not going anywhere and I love McKenna to death. She is such a sweet girl. She's an awesome kid. I don't want whatever her mom has against me to be taken out on her or Dean. That's not fair. We're all adults here."

"Very true," she says. "You have really matured in the last few months, Azalea, I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," I say with a smile. "Dean asked me to move in with him."

"Are you going to?"

"I'm thinking about it," I say, "I feel like it is too soon but if I want a life with him and a future maybe it's not so bad. His heart is in the right place. He just wants to protect me from Chris and Ty."

"What do Chris and Ty have to do with anything?"

"I pressed charges against them," I say. "They have a warrant out for their arrest and since they can't find them it's hard to arrest them. The detective thinks they are going to come back and you know how dangerous they are. Dean just wants me to be safe. Do you think it's too soon for me move in with him?"

"I can't make that decision for you. I wish I could but I can't. If you're questioning it though you're not ready, if you were ready you wouldn't even have to question it. Just think about that."

"I guess you're right," I say as the woman instructor walks into the little gym to start the class. I hand Kylie back to Brooke as she hands Gideon back to me. The instructor starts the class by having us sing a song and introduce ourselves. We go on to sing more songs and do hand clapping games as well as play instruments. Gideon loved every minute of it and I have to admit that I did too. During free time I set off to make a couple friends that have little boys about Gideon's age and set up a couple playdates. I want to surround myself with the best people possible and that will have a good influence on me. I need more friends that will do that for me.

After Gideon and I are done at the Mommy and Me class we go to the grocery store to pick up some things for me to cook for dinner at Dean's house. Dean hasn't gotten home yet from being on the road and I want to surprise him when he walks in tonight with a home cooked meal. I know he doesn't get one very often with the traveling but I want to spoil him tonight. I don't live with Dean but when he's home Gideon and I usually spend the night at his house so that we don't have to pass Gideon back and forth besides I like to get my loving from my man. After picking up chicken and an enchilada kit I pay for it and we head back to Dean's house to wait for him.

 **LATER THAT DAY:**

"Honey, I'm home," I hear Dean say as he walks in the front door of his house as I am in the kitchen making dinner while Gideon is sitting in his high chair playing with a toy to keep him busy so I can keep an eye on him.

"In the kitchen!" I say with a smile.

I hear his footsteps in the hallway and smile as he appears in the kitchen. "Hello, Beautiful," he says with a smile as he greets me with a soft kiss.

"Hey, Baby," I say with a smile.

"And there's my boy!" he says as he picks Gideon up out of the high chair. Gideon gives him a big grin as he holds him. Dean gives him a thousand kisses on his cheek as he holds him. "How was his doctor appointment the other day? Is everything looking good with him?"

"Everything is looking good," I say. "Thank God. He is almost over his addiction which is good and he got a couple of shots. His heart and his breathing are wonderful and the doctor said he is growing the way he should. He is 15 pounds now."

"That's my big boy!" Dean says with pride as he kisses him once again. "When did his hair start to get so curly?" he asks running his fingers through it.

"I don't know those curls just started to appear out of nowhere," I say. "They're cute though aren't they?"

"Adorable," he says with a smile. "So what's for dinner tonight?"

"Chicken enchiladas and Spanish rice," I say.

"Sounds delicious. I have to ask you are you coming to the Rumble in a couple weeks?"

"Do you want me to go in a couple weeks?"

"Yeah," he says as he walks over to the fridge to get a drink. "It's a really big match for me and I want to see you and Gideon front row for me."

"I'll be there, I promise."

"Okay," he says. "So how did the mommy and me class go today?"

"Gideon loved it! He had so much fun. It was a really fun and cute class. We sang songs and Gideon danced. He loved it so much. I'm going to go again next week since I am off on Thursdays. I really liked it. I made a couple friends."

"That's awesome, Az," he says taking a sip of his milk. "That's really good. I'm glad you're starting to make friends."

"Me too," I say, "and they all have a little boy about Gideon's age so we set up a couple playdates."

"Awesome," he says. "You're doing so well and I'm proud of you. I know I have said it before but you are doing really well. You're making so much progress and that's what I want to see."

"Thanks," I say as I continue to cook dinner.

After we have dinner Dean cleans up the kitchen and does the dishes while I put Gideon to bed before I meet Dean in the living room. "Is he asleep?" he asks as we take a seat on the couch. I put my feet into his lap and he starts to massage them for me.

"He was getting there when I left the room," I say. "So he should be asleep soon. How was your time out on the road?"

"It was good. It was busy but it was good. We're getting ready for the Royal Rumble which is a big pay per view. It is the official start of Wrestlemania season and I am the main event for it."

"That's awesome," I say as he massages my feet. "I'm really happy for you. You've worked really hard to get there."

"Thanks," he says as he leans over and kisses my lips softly. "So Cassie said I can't get McKenna again."

"Why?"

"I don't know something with school," he says rolling his eyes. "I thought the point of them moving to Ohio was so that I could see McKenna more but I haven't really seen her that much like I was promised. Every time it gets close to her visit Cassie comes up with some type of excuse as to why she can't come or whatever. It's killing me. I just want to see my daughter. I'm scared she could run off again."

"I don't think she's going to run off again. What I do think is she needs to put her big girl panties on and suck it up, accept the fact that you are with someone else. She doesn't have to like me I'm fine with that but she shouldn't be keeping your daughter away from you because of me."

"How do you know she doesn't like you?" he asks.

"Let's call it a good guess. I'm assuming that at some point she wanted you back but you didn't go back and then ended up with me."

"She left me. She had her chance with me but she chose to run away. I have no feelings for her besides you're the only woman I want in my life. I love you, Azalea."

"I love you too," I say with a smile before we share another soft quick kiss. "So I have been thinking about this moving in with you thing."

"Oh yeah? What have you been thinking?"

"I don't think I'm ready. I'm fine with spending the night here a couple nights a week when you're home but I'm not ready to officially move in with you. I know you want me to be safe but I want to be able to be independent too. I want to be able to live on my own for a while and do what I need to do. I know it seems so trivial but it means so much to me for me to have this independence and to be able to live my life freely. I'm willing to move into a safer apartment building but I'm not willing to move in with you. I strived for so long to get my independence that I don't want to give it up now. It's hard to explain. For a couple years I wasn't able to be free or do the things I want. I have that freedom now and I like it. It's nothing against you. I'm just not ready to move in with you."

"I understand," he says. "I told you before I'm not going to force you to do anything you're not ready to do or anything you don't want to do. We'll find you a safer apartment and maybe get you a nice watch dog you know just in case," he says.

"A dog?" I ask. "I'm not really into dogs and what kind of watch dog can I have in an apartment?"

"I'll think of one," he says giving me a smile. "I have some apartment buildings in mind for you. I figured you wouldn't be ready to move in with me just yet so I have been researching apartments. We'll check some of them out. How does that sound?"

"Good," I say with a smile. "Thanks for understanding me."

"You don't have to thank me it's my job to understand you and it's my job to make sure you stay on the right track. You're not ready to move in and I understand that but someday you know I'm going to make you my wife and you're going to need to live with me."

I can't stop smiling on the inside at his words. "You're going to make me your wife?"

"Not tomorrow but someday," he says, "and we'll have our whole lives together. We'll have a beautiful home, maybe a couple more kids and we'll be happy. We'll have it all. We'll have forever. I promise you that one day I'm going to make you my wife."

"Baby," I say, "that's beautiful. I want that forever with you and I want all of that with you. I love you."

"I love you too," he says with a smile before he kisses my lips softly. "Wanna go upstairs?"

"Are you asking me or suggesting?" I ask before he scoops me up.

"I'm suggesting or else I'm going to make love to you right here on the couch."

"The bedroom it is," I say with a smile before I kiss his lips deeply and passionately as he carries me up the stairs to his bedroom where we spend the night making love to one another, exploring each other's bodies and then spending the rest of the night talking till the sun comes up.

 **A/N: Do you think it's good for Azalea to make other mommy friends? Does she need that positive influence in her life? What do you think about Azalea telling Dean she didn't want to move in with him? Did she make the right choice? Were you surprised that he understood her? What did you think of Dean telling Azalea that someday he is going to make her his wife? Please review and thank-you for reading**


	15. Let's Get Ready to Rumble

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

Dean, Gideon and I arrive at the arena for the Royal Rumble. Dean pulls into the back parking area and parks the car. "Are you ready for this, Baby?" he asks.

"I'm ready," I say as I see the line of fans lined up waiting to catch a glimpse, possibly get an autograph and hopefully get their picture taken with the superstars as they enter the arena. They are already yelling and cheering as a few superstars walk by them. Most of them stop to sign autographs and take pictures with them before security lets them in the building.

"It's going to be okay. I'm ready to show off my family to my fans," he says with a smile. "It might be overwhelming at first but I promise it will be something you get used to."

"I'll be fine," I say, "but can we keep Gideon's face covered so they don't take pictures of him or something?"

"Absolutely," he says, "we'll put a blanket over the seat as we walk into the arena."

"Thanks, Baby," I say with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. We open the doors to the bitterly cold Cincinnati winter. There were rumors of a snowstorm dropping at least a foot of snow in our area but we haven't seen a single snowflake yet but a snowstorm isn't unheard of in Cincinnati. I get into the back seat to get out Gideon's carseat. I drape a blanket over the top of his seat as I pull him out grabbing his diaper bag on my way as Dean gets his bag from the trunk of our car. I meet him at the back of the car and he takes my hand into his as we make our way toward the arena. The fans cheer and scream for him. He stops to sign a couple autographs and to take a few pictures but then he waves his way into the arena. They check my wristband and allow me to enter. "Sorry about that," he says.

"It's fine," I say as we start walking down the hallway to find his locker room. "Are you ready for tonight?" I ask.

"I'm more than ready," he says, "I have waited for this night for so long. I'm finally getting my chance to shine at Wrestlemania. It's only taken a few years. I'm ready for this."

"I'm happy for you," I say with a smile as I remove Gideon's blanket from his seat to see his beautiful natural tanned face, his little button nose and chubby cheeks. His blue eyes are looking up at me as he sucks on his blue pacifier.

"Thanks, Baby," he says with a smile as we finally reach his locker room. He opens the door for me to enter first and then follows me in shutting the door behind him. "I have to get dressed for tonight," he says laying his bag down on the bench as I start to get Gideon out of his carseat to hold him and maybe give him a chance to sit on the floor and work on crawling. "Nothing better than winning in your hometown in front of your friends and family."

"Are you mom and Richard coming tonight?" I ask.

"Richard is not invited," he says, "I haven't talked to him since you told me he asked you out. I don't want him anywhere near you or Gideon. My mom will be here. She's looking forward to it," he says removing his leather jacket and then his shirt exposing his perfect abs and body. He goes through his bag as he stands in nothing but jeans and his beanie. "Look what I got Gideon to wear tonight," he says pulling out a little onesie with Unstable on it. It's one of Dean's products. "And this," he says pulling out a little beanie cap like his but much smaller. "I had this specially made for him."

"That's adorable," I say as I take it from him. "I have my Dean Ambrose shirt on already," I say taking my jacket off exposing my shirt.

"That's my girl," he says before he kisses my lips softly. I groan as he breaks the kiss. "There will be time for that later, Baby. We'll be celebrating all night long," he says with a wicked smile showing off his cute little dimples. Only Dean could make a wicked smile seem so innocent and cute. He pulls one of his shirts out of his bag with the sleeves cut off and throws it on over his perfect body. "I'm ready," he says with a smile as I start to get Gideon dressed in his dad's gear. He squirms and moves all over the place as I try. "Yeah he's going to be crawling soon."

"He's only 4 ½ months old let's not rush it," I say, "in fact it's not going to be crawling more like rolling look at this chubby little boy. He's going to roll not crawl."

"I bet if we put some food in front of him he would probably crawl to it."

"I wouldn't doubt that," I say with a smile as I pull his black pants on before putting on his beanie. "He will do anything for food. I'm actually kind of glad I don't breast feed. That would be really bad."

"Yes because I would have to fight my own son for your titties," he says with a smile.

"Shut up," I say as he picks Gideon up after I have him dressed. "Let me take a picture of my boys. Gideon's first time seeing Daddy wrestle."

"Okay," says Dean with a smile as I pull out my cellphone to take a picture of my favorite guys. I snap the picture and then save it as my wallpaper. I love looking at these two.

About 30 minutes Dean, Gideon and I head to catering to get something to eat. We run into his best friend Roman while we're there. "Hey, Azzy," says Roman with a smile.

"Azalea," I say, "and hey. How are you?"

"Good," he says, "how are you doing? Are you feeling better?"

"I'm feeling a lot better," I say with a smile.

"You look better. I'm glad you're doing better."

"Thanks," I say with a smile.

"And who is this little guy?" he asks looking at Gideon. "Is this the infamous Gideon Thomas Ambrose?" he asks. "Hey there, Gideon," he says making Gideon smile as I hold him in my arms. "Are you going to smile for me?" he asks as he plays with him. "Dean, your son is adorable. It's clear to see he gets his good looks from his mom and not from you."

"Gideon is all Azalea," he says with a smile as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Could you imagine a kid that looked like me running around?"

"Shut up," I say, "you're gorgeous and Gideon has your mouth and your eyes. Any kid that looks like you would be adorable because you're adorable," I say with a smile.

"Thanks," he says with a smile, "but Gideon is so cute because he looks like you."

"Thanks," I say with a smile.

"Can I hold him?" asks Roman.

"Sure," I say as I hand him to him.

"Hey, there little guy," he says as he holds him in his arms. "You're a heavy little guy. Are you going to be a wrestler like your daddy?" he asks.

"I can only hope," says Dean with a proud smile.

"Maybe a football player," I say with a smile. "Or he could be a cook whatever he wants to be. Do you have any kids, Roman?" I ask.

"I have a little girl. She's about 8 years old now. I would love to have another little baby running around but with my work schedule it's just not the time for another one. I commend Dean for doing it and living this life."

"I see," I say. "It is hard doing it alone most of the time but Dean does his best to be a great father to both Gideon and McKenna."

"How is McKenna?" asks Roman.

"I wouldn't know," says Dean. "I haven't seen her since Christmas. Her mom won't let me see her. She's talking about moving to South Dakota again. She said she doesn't like it here."

"That's wrong, Man," says Roman. "You're not going to let her move are you?"

"I can't stop her. She's a grown woman but I can stop her from taking my daughter from me again. I've been really nice up until this point now I'm getting agitated. She is constantly keeping my daughter from me. She comes up with every excuse in the book. Every time it's my day there's something going on or something is wrong. She won't even let me talk to her."

"Did you get this in writing?" asks Roman as Gideon goes to pull his hair. "No, no, don't pull my hair," he says removing Gideon's hand from his hair.

"Yes, gentle," I say. "We don't pull hair."

"No," says Dean, "like an idiot I thought I could trust her but obviously I can't. I just want to see my daughter. I hate when Cassie keeps her from me."

"I know, Uce," he says. "I would take it to a lawyer get it drawn up in writing that you want visitation."

"That's what I keep telling him," I say, "he doesn't want to go to court. He's worried about his past."

"But she has the same past," says Roman. "They aren't going to hold it against you. You're a great father, you're a great guy and you have done so much to help the community. I don't see how they could not give you visitation to your daughter."

"I don't know," says Dean. "And then there's my job."

"But you're not going for full custody," he says, "you're going for visitation. You're home 2 or 3 days out of the week plenty of time to get in some visitation with your daughter."

"That's how it's supposed to be."

"In a mutual agreement between you two," he says, "but not in writing, not after going through a lawyer. You need to go to a lawyer and get something set up otherwise there is NO stopping her from taking your daughter from you again. I know you went through a lawyer before. You need to again and get this in writing because she's playing you."

"She wants him," I say. "That's what it's all about and she can't have him so she is using their daughter as a pawn and it's not fair to Gideon not to see his sister, McKenna to not see her dad and for Dean not to see his daughter. It's not fair at all."

"No it isn't," says Roman.

"See?" I ask, "Roman agrees with me go to the lawyer," I say.

"All right," says Dean. "I will," he says as my cellphone starts to ring.

I pull it out of my purse and see that it's the Detective calling me. " I have to take this," I say before walking away. "Hello?"

"Azalea," he says, "this is Detective Kane. I wanted to inform you that Christian and Tyler have been found in South Dakota. They have been staying in some abandoned house but according to the authorities there they have packed up and have moved on. It is very possible they could be heading back to Cincinnati. We aren't really sure where they are heading but it's a possibility they could be coming back here. If they step foot in Ohio I want you to know that we will be watching them and as soon as we see them they will be arrested but they have a way of avoiding the law. I just want you to be alert and know they are on the move."

"Shouldn't you wait till they reach Ohio before you tell me all this? I mean after all you don't even know if they are coming here. You're going to get me upset and possibly for nothing."

"I don't want to upset you. I just want to make you aware."

"Okay," I say, "what should I do?"

"Just be vigilant," he says. "Just be careful."

"Okay, thanks for letting me know. Just give me a heads up if they find their way to Ohio."

"I will but I just thought you should know they are on the move. South Dakota authorities were moving in on them but they left before they got a chance to arrest them. They're good I'll give them that but I will not rest until we have Christian and Tyler in custody and they are serving time for everything that they have done."

"I hope that you can get them before they hurt anyone else," I say. "I have to go. I am actually at my boyfriend's job for a show. I appreciate you calling me but I have to go."

"Okay," he says. "Just be safe."

"I will," I say, "bye."

"Bye," he says before we both hang up the phone. I put my phone back into my pocket and join Dean and Roman at the table they are sitting at in catering.

"What was that all about?" asks Dean.

"It was Detective Kane. Chris and Ty are on the move," I say as I sit down. "He told me to be careful and be vigilant. I don't like it but he said he doesn't know where they are going. Just that they were spotted in South Dakota and have now left."

"South Dakota?" asks Dean. "Are you sure?"

"That's what he said," I say with a shrug. "I guess we should do that apartment hunting sooner than we planned to do."

"Okay," he says. "We'll go look at apartments later this week when I'm off."

"Okay," I say.

 **LATER THAT NIGHT:**

Gideon, Dean's mom and I are sitting front row during the Royal Rumble match. It's drawing toward the end. Dean has been going strong. He came out at number 7 and is still going strong. It is down to him and Cesaro. It's been back and forth. Dean has been swung around but has not gone over the top rope. Dean hits the Dirty Deeds on Cesaro before throwing him over the top rope. The crowd goes crazy as Dean falls to his knees in happiness, catching his breath. He stands up to have his hand raised in victory as he looks up at the Wrestlemania sign. He rolls out of the ring and walks over to us as we're cheering for him. He hugs and kisses his mom before he hugs and kisses me. I whisper congratulations in his ear before he takes Gideon from me and kisses him. The fan girls in the audience love the sight before he hands him back to me before he makes his way to the back to get ready to head back to his house.

"I'm so proud of you, Baby," I say as we are in his bedroom after the Rumble and putting Gideon to bed.

"Thanks," he says removing his leather jacket before wrapping me up in his arms. "It was so good to see you in the front row cheering me on. I love you."

"I love you too," I say before his lips are on mine, kissing me deeply as he pushes me back to the bed. I fall back onto the bed as he continues kissing me deeply and passionately. I run my hands through his hair as he covers me with his body.

"You took your pill right?" he asks me breaking the kiss as he removes his shirt.

"Yeah," I say. "I always take it. I don't want any babies."

"Good," he says, "the celebration can begin," he says with his wicked smile before he kisses my lips again. We spend the night celebrating his victory by making love to each other, exploring every inch of each other's bodies and bringing each other to multiple orgasms. It was a beautiful night that led into a beautiful morning.

 ***A/N: What do you think of Cassie keeping McKenna from Dean? Do you think it's fair? Do you agree with Roman and Azalea that he needs to get a lawyer to get his visitation set in writing? What about Cassie wanting to move back to South Dakota? What did you think of the detective letting Azalea know that Chris and Ty were spotted in South Dakota but took off? Do you think they are on their way to Ohio? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	16. You're Nothing

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.***

After Dean and I spend a good part of our day looking at apartment buildings and apartments I finally decide on the one I want. It's going to be expensive but I can manage it plus Dean said he would pay a little toward it each month to help me out. I would hate that but I need to choose my battles. He wants me in a safer apartment and that's where I am. It is a beautiful spacious two bedroom apartment. It's much bigger than the one I am living in now. It's a beautiful apartment and there is a beautiful view in the living room of the park down the street. It's in a peaceful and quiet neighborhood. The doors on the outside of the building automatically lock and to get inside you have to have a special key to get in them. Even if you do get in without a special key there is a security guard 24 hours a day and 7 days a week that will buzz the person in the apartment to let them know they have a visitor if they aren't on the list of visitors. It feels pretty secure as far as I am concerned. Chris and Ty aren't going to get in if I don't want them to. They would have to go through a lot to get to my apartment and I don't think that challenge is worth it for them. I love the place it's beautiful and safe. Dean likes it as well.

After we are done with the apartment and we put down a security deposit on it I head to the grocery store to do some grocery shopping for Dean's house. I know how much he hates it so I try to help him out as often as I can. Gideon and I make our way down the cereal aisle as I see Cassie and McKenna picking out cereal. "There's your sister," I say to Gideon with a smile. "Let's go say hi to her," I say before I push my cart toward her. "Hi, McKenna," I say with a smile.

"Hi, Azalea," she says with a smile. "Hi, Gideon," she says smiling at him making him smile. He lets out a squeal making us both laugh.

"Cassie," I say.

"Azalea," she says, "McKenna, let's go we have to go get some toilet paper."

"But Mama, I want to see Azalea and Gideon," she says. "Can I please go to their house to play with Gideon?"

Cassie looks at me and I look at her before she says, "not today."

"Why not?" asks McKenna, "I want to see my dad too. Can we please go to their house?"

"McKenna, I said no. You know I have to work tonight. I don't have time to take you over there and then pick you up about a couple hours later. I don't have time for it."

"Cassie, she can come home with Gideon and I and then you could pick her up when you get off work. She can hang out with us for a little bit."

"I don't think so," she says.

"Why not?"

"Because she has homework to do," she says.

"No I don't," says McKenna looking at her. "Please, Mama, I really want to go to their house."

"McKenna, I said no."

"Cassie," I say, "let her come over for a little bit. It won't be a big deal I promise. She can have dinner with us, play with Gideon and spend time with her dad. I am sure Dean would like that. He really misses her."

"You don't make the decisions, Azalea, I told MY daughter no and the answer is no."

"But why? I don't understand why you won't let her come over. Dean wants to see her. He misses her. He wants to be able to see his baby girl and you're not letting him. I don't understand why."

"Because you're not someone I want her to be around," she says, "you're a drug addict."

"Recovering drug addict and I have been sober for almost a year now. I don't have to justify myself to you. I am working my ass off to be a good person. I'm really working hard. I'm doing my best. I'm not using anymore."

"You're just not someone I want around my daughter," she says, "you're not a good influence."

"I haven't done anything to be a bad influence around her. I have been nothing but nice and kind to your daughter. I get that you don't like me and that's fine. You don't have to like me but don't punish your daughter and Dean because you don't."

"No one said I didn't like you," she says.

"You don't have to say it. I know you don't like me."

"Okay, you're right I don't like you and I don't want McKenna around you," she says, "you're nothing but trouble."

"You don't even know me. The only thing you know about me is what you have heard about me in the past. I'm not that person anymore. And maybe you're forgetting you were like me before too. You and Dean both were so those that live in glass houses shouldn't cast stones. You're not perfect either and neither is your past. Stop using your dislike and jealousy for me against Dean and keeping your daughter away from her brother and her dad, it's not fair to any of them."

"Jealous of you?" she asks. "What do I have to be jealous of you about, you're nothing but trash, Azalea. Dean is going to wake up one day and realize that. He's going to realize that you're not good enough for him. He's going to realize that you're nothing but trouble. You're probably after him for his money."

"That's not true," I say, "and he knows that. I am not after him for his money. I love him. So this is what it's about? I am with him and you're not?"

"It doesn't matter what it's about. What matters is I don't want my daughter around you."

"Have I ever done anything to hurt your daughter in any way? No, I have been nothing but nice to her and treated her like she was my own. I don't want Dean to be punished because you have issues with me."

"Dean could have had it all with me," she says.

"No, you could have had it all with Dean, you're the one that left him, Cassie. He didn't leave you. You picked up and left without giving him a chance."

"He still should have chosen me," she says, "but he didn't."

"So that's what this is all about? You're upset because he didn't choose you? How selfish can you be? She deserves to see her father and her father deserves to see her."

"Azalea, it's really none of your business."

"It is my business when I have to see my boyfriend hurt because you're too selfish to let him see his daughter. That's not fair to him. You can hate me all you want, you don't have to like me but damn it let the man see his kid. You're playing games with him and it's not fair."

"I have to go," says Cassie.

"Why because it's the truth?"

"Because I'm tired of wasting my time with you," she says, "you're nothing, Azalea, you're nothing but a drug addict that hit the lottery by finding Dean. If you didn't have his kid you would be nothing to him. He wouldn't want anything to do with you. The only reason he is with you is because of Gideon. He feels bad for you and he feels bad for him. That's the only reason he's with you right now."

"Whatever you say," I say. "He loves me."

"That's what he wants you to think but just know, Azalea he wouldn't even give you a second look if you didn't' have his son. You are nothing to him but a piece of ass to him. He doesn't love you. He just wants you for your body and sex. Think about it, you're 19 and he's 30 years old. Why would a 30 year old want to spend so much time with a 19 year old? Let's go, McKenna," she says before they walk away leaving me shocked. I don't know what to say but it makes me start to think Why would someone that is 30 years old want to be with someone that is 19 years old and better yet what if we didn't have Gideon together? Would he still care about me? Would he still want me? Is he only with me because he feels sorry for me? She leaves me with so many questions and the self-doubt starts to build deep inside me. What if she is right? I know for a fact I am not worthy of him. I don't deserve him. He probably does just feel sorry for me and is only with me to make me feel better or to get sex. It wouldn't be the first time I was used by a guy and I am sure it won't be the last. Gideon and I continue through the store to get the groceries that we need before I check out and head back to Dean's house.

 **LATER THAT EVENING:**

"Are you okay?" asks Dean as he takes a seat next to me on the black leather couch after he puts Gideon to bed.

"Yeah," I say flipping through one of my books for school to look up an answer for one of my questions.

"Are you sure? Ever since you came back from the grocery store you seem to be a little off. Did something happen while you were there?"

"I ran into McKenna and Cassie," I say closing my book.

"And how did that go?"

"Not good," I say as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and I curl my legs up underneath me as I snuggle up next to him. "It didn't go well at all. McKenna wanted to come over and see you. She wanted to spend some time here."

"And I guess Cassie said no," he says.

"Yeah because of me. She doesn't want McKenna around me," I say. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize because my ex-wife is vindictive."

"Well, I am the reason that you can't see your daughter and I feel horrible about that."

"Look, before I was even with you Cassie kept McKenna away from me. I highly doubt you're the reason."

"I may not be the main reason but I am part of the reason and that's enough for me. I don't want to be the reason you can't see her."

"I already talked to my lawyer. I'm going to pursue this and I'm going to get some court ordered visitation to see her. There's nothing Cassie can do now. McKenna is my daughter. I played nice with her. I let her set up an arrangement, we both worked together on this arrangement and now she wants to play dirty and screw me over. She isn't going to like when she gets served with papers."

"So you went to your lawyer?"

"Yeah because I want to see my daughter, I deserve to see her. And it's not fair that Cassie wants to act like a child and keep her from me. She left me without even giving me the chance to prove myself and has been using McKenna against since the say she left. It's not fair. I'm tired of her games."

"Good," I say.

"Are you sure that's all that happened?" he asks kissing my temple.

"Well, we had a few words," I say.

"What kind of words?" he asks. "Were they good words or bad words?"

"Bad," I say, "I know she doesn't like me and she doesn't have to like me. I told her that but she needs to let you see McKenna. Maybe I crossed the line by saying that but it's not fair to you or McKenna that she uses her dislike for me to keep her away from you. She said she doesn't want McKenna around me. She thinks I am a bad person and doesn't want that influence around McKenna."

"First of all, until she got pregnant she was using and she was a drug addict herself. If it wasn't for McKenna then she would probably still be a drug addict. She only stopped to be a mom. Second of all, she needs to grow up. I don't like a lot of people especially her but that's not going to make me sway our daughter a certain way. Third of all, you're not a bad person and she doesn't know you. She knows nothing about you so she needs to back off. It's jealousy. That's all it is. She's jealous because you have me and she doesn't."

"I know she's jealous of us but she said some stuff that really made me think and really it kind of made me want to use again. I felt so worthless after talking to her."

"Azalea, don't ever let anyone tear you down to the point you are worthless. You have so much worth about you. You're an amazing mother and you're an amazing girlfriend," he says. "Don't let her tear you down and make you feel like you don't matter because you matter a lot especially to me and Gideon. We both love you so much," he says. "And the fact you wanted to use but you didn't speaks volumes. It shows that you're progressing and you're doing better. It shows that you're truly changing. You don't need to use to feel your worth. You have two people to show you your worth. What all did she say?"

"Well, she pretty much told me that you're only with me because of Gideon and that if we didn't have Gideon that you wouldn't even look at me. She also said that I'm nothing but a piece of ass to you and you feel sorry for me. She asked me why a 30 year old man wanted to be with a 19 year old girl and I have to say I agree with her. Why would you want anything to do with a 19 year old? You're so much older than me."

"Azalea, your age doesn't matter to me. It never did. As long as you're over 18 then I have no problem with your age. I didn't fall in love with you because you are 18. I fell in love with you because of who you are. You made a few mistakes, we all have made mistakes but that doesn't mean you need to be shunned from life and it doesn't mean that you don't deserved to be loved. I love you so much. I don't care if you're 19 or 40 I know what my heart wants and it wants you."

"But what could we possibly have in common that you would love me so much?"

"We have the same past for one. We like to watch sports together, we both like to travel and there's so much more, Azalea. Please don't give her the satisfaction of making you doubt yourself."

"Do you truly love me or do you feel sorry for me?"

"I truly love you. If I didn't love you I wouldn't have tried to get you back. It wouldn't have been worth it for me but since I love you I want nothing more than to be with you. If anything I have nothing but pride for you. You tore down every obstacle in front of you. You pushed yourself to become the person you are today. That's not easy believe me, I've been there. You worked so hard to become who you are today and don't you dare let anyone discredit you for that. You're an amazing woman. You're a great mom and you're a great girlfriend. I love you because you're beautiful, you're smart and you're the right person for me. Cassie is upset because I love you and not her. Don't let her get to you. I love you so much, Azalea, you don't even know."

"I love you too," I say before I kiss his lips softly. "You need to shave though," I say with a smile as I rub his stubble.

"You don't like my stubble huh?" he asks with a smile showing me his cute little dimples as his blue eyes shine in the light.

"It's cute but it is rough," I say with a smile. "And you promise you're not going to leave me if you get tired of me?"

"I promise. I don't know how I could get tired of you," he says, "you're too exciting to get tired of," he says giving me a soft kiss on the lips. "So how do you like the new apartment?"

"I love it," I say with a smile. "I feel like I'll be 100% safer."

"I'm sure you will," he says with a smile. "I just want you to be safe. Any word on Chris and Ty?"

"None at all," I say. "I guess no news is good news. Detective Kane wasn't even sure where they were headed. He just wanted to let me know they were on the move."

"Maybe they're too smart to come here again. They know the police are looking for them and know that there's a warrant out for their arrests. I don't think they'll be too dumb to come back here."

"I don't know," I say, "if they want to finish the job they might."

"They're not going to finish the job," he says. "I'll make sure of that."

"You can't really stop them," I say.

"You're going to be in a secure apartment in a couple weeks and this place is very secure so unless you're out somewhere they can't get to you. I don't want you going places alone though. I want you to make sure you have someone on or with you at all times that way you're not alone. I'm going to do my best to be with you as much as I can but with my schedule picking up I can't be here as much as I am. I wish though."

"I wish too but okay. I'll make sure I have someone with me at all times."

"That's all I ask. I know you think I'm being overbearing but I just care about you and I love you. I don't want to see anything happen to you. You've been through hell enough, it's time for you to have your victory," he says. "I love you, Azalea and if something ever happened to you I don't know how I would live."

"I love you too and don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to me. I promise." I wish I could be as secure in that as I am as I say that but I'm not sure who I am trying to convince; myself or Dean.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Cassie not allowing McKenna to go with Azalea to see Dean? What did you think of Azalea's and Cassie's run in with each other? Do you think Cassie said those things to get to Azalea? What did you think when Azalea admitted to wanting to use again? Do you think she will use again? What did you think of Dean's reaction to the whole thing? Do you believe he truly loves Azalea or does he just feel sorry for her? Where do you think Chris and Ty are headed? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	17. Inspire

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.***

Gideon fusses in my arms as we walk into the pizza shop I am meeting Cassie in. It is his nap time but he is refusing to sleep because he's teething and is just miserable. Azalea hasn't slept for three days and I just came back home last night from being out on the road and didn't get any sleep. Nothing is working with this kid so the last thing I want to do is meet with Cassie and deal with her excuses and lies as to why I can't see my daughter. Cassie stands up with a smile on her face as I give Gideon his pacifier before he spits it out into my hand. I stop to dig in the diaper bag to pull out one of his teethers to help him with his gums. "Hey," says Cassie with a million dollar smile on her face. "I was starting to think you weren't coming."

"He's teething," I say, "it's been a long day and night," I say. "But we're here," I say.

"I'm glad to see you," she says with a smile. "Can I have a hug?" She stands with her arms out wide and I walk over and give her a side hug before I take a seat. "That wasn't a hug of affection," she says.

"Because I have no affection for you," I say. "I'm not here to show you affection."

"Then why did you ask to meet me?" she asks as she takes a seat. She's dressed in black tight fitting dress that falls a couple inches above her knee and a pair of black boots that come to her knee. Her dark hair is pulled up into a tight bun and her dress is giving off too much cleavage.

"Because I want to discuss McKenna with you. I want to know why you're not letting me see her."

"I don't want her around Azalea," she says honestly. She shifts in a way so that more of her leg is exposed. "I don't think Azalea is a good influence for her. McKenna is 11 years old. She's impressionable. I don't want her thinking that doing drugs is okay or having sex before marriage is a good thing. I don't want her to see you two living together."

"But we don't live together. Azalea has her own apartment. We spend time together when I am in town but we don't live together. Azalea doesn't do drugs anymore so I don't see how this is relevant to my daughter not being able to spend some time with me."

"She did drugs though," she says.

"And so did I and so did you but we're not bad influences on McKenna. You of all people know how people can change. How would you feel if you were in Azalea's shoes and everyone was judging you on your past? How would you feel if someone held your past against you? You changed. You used to do drugs too, so did I but people gave us a chance at least give Azalea a chance. She isn't a bad person."

"Where is she now and why do you have Gideon?"

"Because she's working," I say. "She's at work that's why I have Gideon."

"Oh," she says. "I just don't think she's a good person. You don't know the things she's done in the past."

"Why are you so worried about her past and what do you know about her past?"

"I know enough. I'm worried about her past because I'm scared she's going to relapse and fall back into drugs then what? McKenna is going to be in the middle of all this. She was sober before too and then she started to use again."

"That was a different circumstance. She's been sober for almost a year now. She's doing very well for herself don't hold her past against her. That would be like me saying you could relapse."

"But I won't," she says.

"And I doubt she will either. Azalea has goals that she's trying to reach. She promised she would never use again."

"And you believe her?" she asks.

"It's not a matter of believing it's a matter of trusting her. I trust her not to do drugs again. Our relationship is based on trust and faith. We trust each other and we have faith in each other. I don't have to believe her when she says she's not going to do drugs again. I trust her not to do them because I know she would never jeopardize our relationship and most importantly she loves Gideon with everything she has in her. I don't see her jeopardizing her son for drugs either. We've all had our problems, Cassie none of us are perfect stop throwing stones at her and treating her like she's the enemy. The only enemy here is you."

"How am I the enemy?" she asks with shock.

"Because you're keeping a loving father from his daughter, that's how you're the enemy, Cassie. I want to see my daughter."

"Not with Azalea around," she says.

"Would it make you feel better if Azalea wasn't around when McKenna was at my house or I could come out and meet you somewhere to pick her up so we can spend time together; McKenna and me that is," I say. "Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes," she says, "that would make me feel a lot better."

"Well, you know that one day I am going to marry Azalea and she's going to be around. She's going to be living with me and I will NOT ask my wife to leave so I can see my daughter."

"You're going to marry her?"

"I want to," I say. "I would love to marry her someday."

"That will be the biggest mistake of your life, Dean don't do anything so stupid."

"The biggest mistake of my life has already happened and that was marrying you."

"I was the mistake?" she asks. "Azalea is the mistake. Do you know the kind of things she used to do while she lived on the streets? Do you know what kind of person she is?"

"You and I both know people will do anything for drugs, Cassie. I'm sure she's not proud of everything she's done to get drugs. I know bits and pieces about her past and honestly what she's gone through is none of my business unless she wants to tell me and it surely isn't your business either. Just know she didn't have a good life and grew up way too fast."

"And yet you prey on her, Dean."

"I'm not preying on anyone. I'm attracted to her and I love her. I am not preying on anyone." I say as I get a bottle out for Gideon so that I can feed him.

"She's a baby, Dean. She's what 19?"

"Yes," I say.

"And you're 30 years old. Why do you need to be with someone that's 19 years old? Why do you need to be with her?"

"Why does age have to matter? As long as she is over the age of 18 I don't see what the big deal is. You shouldn't even be worried about my relationship with Azalea or her honestly. The only thing you should be worried about is me coming after you for McKenna."

"You wouldn't," she says.

"Want to bet that I wouldn't? You're keeping me out of her life. You're not giving a loving father a chance to be in his daughter's life. That's child abuse," I say. "I have the right to come after you for MY daughter. You kept her away from me for so long and then you let me in her life only to try to take her from me again. I'm not going to let you do that, Cassie. I already have a lawyer drawing up papers for me to get joint custody of McKenna."

"Joint custody?" she asks.

"Yes, joint custody. I want her when I'm home and I want it court ordered."

"You don't have to do that," she says.

"I do have to do that, Cassie, you know why I have to do that?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because I have tried to be nice to you, I have given you a chance to prove yourself and now you're playing games. I didn't want to do this but I have to do it. I don't have a choice. I want to be in my daughter's life and the only way for that to happen is to take you to court to get joint custody."

"You won't get it," she says.

"And why won't I get it, Cassie? I have a good job, I have a stable home and I am sober. NO judge is going to turn me away from joint custody."

"Because she's part Native American you know that will play out."

"Don't pull that card on me, Cassie or I'm going to go for full custody and I have the means to pay a lawyer BIG bucks to make that happen. You don't want to mess with me. You have NO reason to keep my daughter from me and if you keep fighting this you're going to be sorry. Don't fuck with me, Cassie."

"I'm not fucking with you, Dean. I want you to be in McKenna's life but as long as you're with Azalea I can't let that happen."

"Leave Azalea out of this, what is the issue with her anyway? You don't even know her."

"I know enough about her."

"How do you know 'enough' about her?" I ask.

"I just know enough," she says, "I have heard stuff."

"From who?"

"Some people," she says. "It doesn't matter who. You shouldn't be with her. She doesn't deserve you."

"If anything I don't deserve her," I say.

"Are you really going to marry her?"

"Someday but not tomorrow," I answer. "This isn't about my relationship it's about McKenna."

"I just don't want McKenna around such trash."

"Don't call Azalea trash. She isn't trash. She's a good person and if you would pull your head out of your ass you would see that. You're jealous of her and that's what it all comes down to and you're taking your jealousy out on me."

"I am not jealous of Azalea."

"Then what is it? You seem to be. All you keep telling me is I shouldn't be with her. Who should I be with then?"

"She doesn't deserve you, Dean, you're better than her. I always thought that maybe you and I would end up together."

"So you are jealous because it's not you. Cassie, let me make this clear. I love Azalea, I will always love her. You and I are done. WE were done the moment YOU took McKenna and left me. That's when we were done but it was set in stone when you kept my daughter away from me. This meeting is over. I'm done talking to you. I'm ready to take action," I say as I stand up. "You'll be getting papers soon enough," I say.

"Dean," she says. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too but you have given me the reason to do this. I wanted to make this civil. I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice. Have a good day, Cassie."

"Dean," she says. "Please."

"No," I say, "I don't want to hear it."

"Dean," she says with a plea.

"Have a good day," I say before Gideon and I leave the pizza shop. I can't deal with Cassie tearing Azalea apart. I can't deal with her jealousy. I know what I have to do to see my daughter and that's what I am going to do. I'm not going to make Azalea leave because I want to spend time with my daughter. McKenna and Azalea get along well. Cassie is just upset that it's not her but Azalea that I am with. I know her game she is trying to blackmail with my daughter and I don't like it. McKenna deserves better.

 **LATER THAT EVENING:**

"It smells good in here," says Azalea as she walks into the kitchen as I am cooking us some dinner. I decided to make us chicken parmesan I know how much Azalea likes it. "What are you making, Baby?"

"Chicken parmesan," I say with a smile.

"My favorite," she says with a smile before I kiss her lips softly.

"How was work?" I ask as she gets a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"It was good," she says, "so I have an idea."

"Okay, what's your idea?"

"Well, a couple of my friends and I were talking at lunch today. We were talking about writing and stuff."

"Okay," I say.

"Well, I got this idea that maybe I should write a book."

"Write a book about what?" I ask.

"About my experiences with drugs and my life, I want people to know my story. I want to use my story to inspire people to show them that even when you hit rock bottom there is still hope. It takes a lot of work but there's still hope. What do you think?"

"Do you really want the world to know everything that happened with Chris and Ty?"

"Yes," she says. "I mean I know it's private stuff but what if there is some girl out there that is like me that wants to experiment drugs but they see my book and read about everything that I went through. If I can stop some young girl or any person from getting involved with drugs I have turned my pain into something good. You know, I want to be an inspiration. I want my story to make some girl think twice about getting into the drug life. I went through hell, Dean and I want people to know it."

"But are you sure you want my fans and everyone in the world to know what you've been through?"

"I'm sure," she says, "it's something I want to do. Do you not like the idea?"

"I don't have a problem with it, I just think that it's a really private matter that took you forever to talk about and you still haven't told me about it all."

"It is a really private matter BUT it could change someone's life. What I went through, Dean, I don't want anyone else on this Earth to go through. Do you want to know the stuff I went through?"

"If the world is going to know, Azalea I think your boyfriend should know too. I mean it would be nice if I knew before the world does."

"Dean, I'll tell you all about it. I promise but I still want to write my book about it."

"Okay," I say, "if you want to write a book I'm here to support you. I think what you've been through is book worthy but I want to make sure that you're sure about sharing your story with the world."

"I'm sure, Baby and if your fans don't like it then they don't like it. I'm not doing it to gain popularity or to be liked. I'm doing it for me so I can turn my pain into something good, make a difference in someone's life and inspire someone. What I went through wasn't easy. I pretty much lived hell on Earth, Dean. If I was able to come back from everything I went through, that should give people hope and hopefully stop them from following the same path I took."

"I see," I say, "well, whatever you want to do. I will support you."

"Thanks, Baby," she says with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too. Will you ever tell me the story?"

"How about I tell you tonight? You're going to need to hear it sometime especially since I am pressing charges against them for what they've done to me. Are you ready to hear the whole story?" she asks.

I take in a deep breath and say, "I'm ready."

 ***A/N: What did you think of Dean's confrontation with Cassie? Is Cassie playing games with him? Is she doing this out of jealousy or does she truly not like Azalea because of her past? What do you think of Dean going for joint custody of McKenna do you believe he needs to? What do you think of Dean's attitude toward Cassie? Why do you think he made it clear that he loves Azalea and he was going to marry her someday? What about him calling Cassie his biggest mistake? What do you think of Azalea writing a book? Do you think Dean really supports the idea? Do you think it's a good idea for her to write the book? Do you think Dean is ready to hear Azalea's story? If she tells him how do you think he will handle it? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	18. The Future

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"You went through all that?" asks Dean as we are sitting in the living room on the couch. He keeps his arm wrapped around me as I rest my head on his chest listening to his heart race. I can hear the panic in his heart.

"Do you hate me now?" I ask.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you?" he asks looking into my green eyes with his beautiful blue eyes.

"Because of everything that I have done," I say, "You probably think I'm the dirtiest person in the world."

"I don't think that at all. I understand Azalea, I understand that everyone goes through something. I know what the drug life is like you do things you would never do. I can't believe they performed all those abortions on you."

"I know," I say, "it hurt so bad and it was the roughest thing I have ever gone through. The pain is more than physical. It's emotional."

"I'm sure it did. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I'm sorry that you had to live a life like that. I know you told me it was bad but I didn't know it was THAT bad. You lived through hell."

"It was hell on Earth. I never want to go back to that life being raped every day, being high and doped up on drugs, having a child aborted from me with a clothes hanger. I'll never forget it as much as I try to forget about it, it's always in the back of my mind. I often feel that I will NEVER be good enough for you and that now that you know that you won't want me anymore. I'm nothing but damaged goods. I'm a broken and destroyed woman and I'm only 19 why would you want me?"

"Azalea, I would never hold your past against you. I would never make you feel unwanted. You are not damaged goods and you're not broken. If you were broken your pieces are slowly coming back together. That's who you used to be. You're not that girl anymore. You're an amazing woman. You have walked through the pits of hell and came back stronger. I will never hold what happened in your past against you. You're trying to make a better future for yourself and for Gideon. Your past has nothing to do with it. My heart hurts for you and I want to cry that someone so young went through something so devastating. You deserved a better life."

"I don't want you to pity me," I say, "Please don't pity me."

"I'm not pitying you, I'm just let you know that my heart hurts for you. You were so young. You should have never gone through that, I hope that Chris and Ty rot in jail for everything they did to you and had done to you. I hope they rot in the pits of Hell because of this. I am so sorry, Baby that you had to go through this."

"It's okay," I say, "karma is a bitch. Chris and Ty will get theirs someday."

"Yeah being someone's bitch in jail," he says, "they are predators. They are child molesters. They don't like those kind of men in jail."

"I know," I say.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that and I'm surprised that we were even able to have Gideon."

"Me too," I say, "and I hope that we can have more kids someday. They had to do some damage to my uterus. Gideon is a blessing."

"Yes he is," he says holding me tight. "I just wish I could take all that pain away."

"It's slowly fading away. I don't think it will ever truly be gone until they are either dead or paying for their crimes. I just want them brought to justice. I'm sure I'm not the only little girl they turned out and put out on the streets and raped every day. I'm sure there are more. It was horrible, Dean," I say burying my head into his chest as he rubs my back with his hand. "I just want them to pay for what they did."

"I know you do but will you be able to face them in court to testify against them? After everything that they did to you will you be able to look them in the face and tell a courtroom full of people what they put you through?"

"I'm going to try," I say. "I'm sure it's not going to be easy but it's something I have to do. I want them off the streets. I want them in jail where they aren't a threat to anyone. I wish they could just be caught already."

"I know me too, it makes me anxious that they are out there roaming free and we don't know where they are. Where was their last known whereabouts?"

"South Dakota," I say.

"South Dakota, what is it about South Dakota? Is there a drug cartel in South Dakota that we don't know about? That's a pretty random place."

"Isn't Cassie from South Dakota?"

"She lived there with her soon to be ex husband," he says, "but I believe she is planning on going back there."

"Is it just me or is it a coincidence that Chris and Ty were last known to be in South Dakota and that's where Cassie is from?"

"Yeah but Cassie has been here for a couple months now, I don't think she knows them."

"But she was just in South Dakota for Christmas," I say. "I don't know. Maybe I am overthinking this or something but I feel like something isn't right there. How was your meeting with her today anyway?"

"She's trying to play games with me," he says, "it all comes down to the fact I am with you and not with her. She doesn't think you're good enough for me. She feels like I deserve better. She said that she thought her and I would end up together."

"See? If she knows I'm not good enough for you. I'm not, Dean."

"Azalea, you're perfect for me. If anything you're too good for me," he says.

"How can you still love me the same after everything I told you?"

"Because the past doesn't make you who you are today, you learn from the past, you move on from the past, if you focus on the past you'll never have a good future. What happened, happened we can't change it. You know what happened wasn't right and you know you don't want to be that person. The past changed you, it made you a better person. It's not about who you used to be it's about who you are now and who you want to be tomorrow. I can't hold your past against you. You don't hold mine against me because we know that we're doing better and we are going to be better people. I love you so much because of who you are not because of who you were. I think you're smart, beautiful, you're funny, you're a great mom and you're an amazing girlfriend. I wouldn't give you up for anything and you make me happy. You bring so much joy into my life. I love you so much."

"I love you too," I say with a smile as I hug him tightly as I feel his lips brush against my temple.

"Do you think you'll ever move in with me?" he asks.

"When you put a ring on it I might consider it," I say with a smile as I sit up and give him a big smile

"Oh so you want me to put a ring on it?"

"Well, not yet but someday I want you to, I love you, Dean. I think you're an amazing father and you're an amazing boyfriend. You saw the best in me when everyone was seeing the worst in me. You gave me a chance when no one else wanted to. You look at me and you don't see damaged you see perfection. I love that about you. I love you because you never really judge anyone and you're just a sweet guy. Some girls like me don't deserve sweet guys but it feels good to have one after everything I have been through and done."

"And you'll always have me. You want me to put a ring on it, I'll put a ring on it," he says making me smile. "I want to make you happy forever. I'm not saying I'm going to do this tomorrow but sometime in the future I'm going to ask you to marry me. I'm going to make it special."

"I look forward to it," I say with a smile.

"Let's talk about the future and stop talking about the past," he says.

"Okay," I say with a smile. "What do you want in the future? Where do you see us in the future?"

"Well," he says pulling me onto his lap. "I see us getting married and having a few more babies. I want to move out of Ohio."

"You want to move out of Ohio? Why?"

"Because I want a change of scenery, I want something warm. I don't want all these blizzards and cold weather. I hate it. I want to go to Las Vegas. I always wanted to go to Vegas."

"Me too," I say. "I wouldn't mind going to Vegas to live. I'm sure Gideon would love it. What about your mom though? I know how close you two are."

"That's what technology is for. I can face time her and talk to her on the phone. I'm a big boy now and I want to have my own family and have my own life outside of Cincinnati. I mean if that's what you want?"

"Anywhere you go, Gideon and I are going to follow you. I want to be with you forever. You're the only thing keeping me here besides school and other things. You said you wanted more babies how many kids do you want to have?"

"Maybe 3 more," he says.

"A total of 4 for me and 5 for you, you must really love kids."

"I do," he says, "I love being a dad. I love having someone look up to me. I just love being a dad. I just want to have a big family. I always did. Are you okay with that many kids?"

"I love kids," I say. "I would love it."

"I would love anything that has to do with you. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you and settle down. I've been living this life for a while. I want to settle down now that I found the right girl."

"I'm the right girl?"

"You're the perfect girl," he says kissing my lips softly. "What about you? What do you see yourself doing in the future? What do you want?"

"You already know I want to be a drug and alcohol counselor. I want to help people. I want to write a book and I want to do a lot in life. I want to open a battered woman's shelter. I want to provide a safe environment for runaway teens. I want to turn my pain and everything I went through into something good. My dad is a minister and he always said things happen for a reason. God always has a plan for us. I didn't understand what my plan in life was. I had no idea what God had in store for me. Being kicked out of my house at 15 I ran out onto the streets. I fell into bad things. A lot of bad things happened to me as I told you about. I thought that God left me and abandoned me but I realized he never left my side. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He was building me, strengthening me to be a better person. This was part of his plan for my life even if it was bad, I needed to go through bad times so that I could do good works and good deeds to help others. It's clear to me now and that's what I want to do. I want to spend the rest of my life helping others that have gone through or are going through the same things I went through. I just want to help people while being with the man that brought out the best in me and gave me the greatest gift of all. I love you, Dean."

"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. "I will support you in everything you do."

 ***A/N: What did you think of Dean and Azalea talking about their future? What do you think of Azalea thinking there is a coincidence with Cassie and Chris and Ty being in South Dakota? What do you think of Dean's love for Azalea? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	19. Plans in motion

***THank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated thank-you all so much***

 **Cassie's POINT OF VIEW:**

"The papers finally came," I say talking to my brothers Chris and Ty. "Dean is coming after me for joint custody of McKenna."

"You knew it was coming," says Chris, "how do you want us to fix this?"

"You know the plan," I say. "Get him distracted."

"You told us to lie low for a while. You know the cops are looking for us all over this city," says Ty.

"Because I wasn't ready for you yet but now I'm ready for you. The cops aren't going to find you if you stay under the radar."

"That one Detective is on our asses because of Azzy," he says.

"Azzy is a bitch," says Chris. "I'm going to finish what I started and I'm not going to stop until she's dead. Give me the go ahead," he says, "and I'm on it."

"Good, I want my happiness with Dean. I almost had it until you two idiots didn't get the job finished. You should have killed her when you had the chance. Why didn't you?"

"We just wanted to scare her," says Ty, "we didn't want to kill her completely."

"Big mistake," I say, "you should have killed the bitch. Look what she's doing to you now. She's tearing our family apart."

"Our family is stronger than that little bitch," says Chris. "She's not tearing anything apart. She's got a kid now?"

"Yeah, Gideon," I say, "he's a few months old. I don't know. He's a cute kid but that's the key to keeping Azalea and Dean together."

"You want us to get rid of the kid?" asks Chris sharpening his knife. "Or Azzy?"

"How do we know this kid isn't one of ours?" asks Ty. "We both fucked the girl that baby could be ours."

"I don't think so," I say, "he is too light to be your son and he does have Dean's mouth and smile. I'm pretty sure Dean is the father which is the reason they are together. She got lucky getting pregnant by him. I don't want anything to happen to the baby. He's cute, he just deserves a better mom. I want to get rid of Azzy though. Can you get rid of her for me?"

"Yeah," says Chris. "We got this. I know exactly what I'm going to do to her," he says looking at his knife. "I am going to enjoy every moment of this," he says with a smirk. "Where does she live?"

"I don't know," I say, "Dean just moved her into a better and safer apartment. It's pretty secure," I say. "No one gets in unless they live there and there's security. I'm sure he's putting out a pretty penny for it but when he's not on the road she usually stays with him. His house is just as secure. It's gated and there's security. How are you going to get to her?"

"We'll find a way," he says with a smile. "We ALWAYS find a way," he says making me smile. "And don't worry, Sis, Azzy will be gone before you know it. I will make sure of it."

"Good," she says, "but please don't hurt Dean in the process. Save him for me," she says.

"Your wish is my command," he says with a smile, "and I'm leaving the baby too?"

"Don't touch the baby," I say.

"I won't," says Chris. "I have so many fun things planned for Azzy. She won't be a problem anymore."

"Good," I say.

"Do you really think taking away the woman Dean loves is going to make him come to you?" asks Ty.

"Sounds like you are having second thoughts," I say, "if you don't want to be a part of this then don't be, Chris is going to handle it whether you want to or not. And let's be clear, Dean loved me way before Azzy came into the picture. I would have him now if Azzy wasn't around. He was so close to coming back to me and then you two failed to kill her."

"Didn't know I was supposed to," says Chris. "But this time she will be gone when I'm done with her. It's a shame. Azzy was always a good lay though. She was so easy to please and she knew how to please me. It's a shame that I have to do this. Maybe I'll just take her and put her back out in the life. She was the best woman to make us money," he says. "If this is what you want, I'll take care of her though."

"Do what you need to do just as long as she's out of the picture," I say.

 **DEAN's POINT OF VIEW:**

"So we're at a jewelry store," says Roman as we walk into one of the best jewelry stores in New York City. We are here for a show and we have a little bit of free time so I asked Roman to run a couple of errands with me; all the errands involve a jewelry store of course. "What are we doing in a jewelry store?" he asks. "Picking up some jewelry for your mom or is there something else you're not telling me?"

I smile at him as we walk into the quiet store surrounded by all kinds of jewelry from rings to necklaces, gold, silver, diamonds, sapphires, rubies all sorts of gems and jewels to choose from. "I am looking for an engagement ring," I say.

"An engagement ring? Does that mean what I think it means?" he asks.

"That I'm ready to propose to Azalea?" I ask.

"Yeah, is that what it means?"

"Yeah," I say, "we have been talking about our future lately and of course we both know we want a future together. I love her, Roman. She's everything to me. She's an amazing mom to Gideon and she's come so far. She's really changed her life around. She knows what she wants in life and she knows where she's going in life. I am amazed by her and everything she has overcome to become the person she is now. I want to call her mine forever, I want her to keep my heart forever and I want to keep hers. I want to make her my wife, I want to go to bed with her every night, wake up beside her every chance that I can. I want more beautiful kids with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

"Don't you think she's a little young? She's 19 years old," he says. "She's just getting her freedom and understanding what life is about. Don't you think proposing to her this soon is a little too soon for her. What if she decides this isn't what she wants? She's not even 20 years old yet."

"It will be a long engagement if she says yes. We can get married when she's done with school. I just want to put a ring on it for now."

"Okay," he says, "and what if she changes her mind?"

"I can live with that but I'm ready to propose to her. We don't have to get married tomorrow," I say, "but we will get married someday and we'll have more beautiful babies together. I love her, Roman. I love her a lot. There are no words to describe how much I love her and how much she means to me."

"As long as this will make you happy," he says.

"It will make me happy because she makes me happy," I say as we make our way to the counter that holds the diamond rings. "I know I made a mistake with Cassie before and married her for the wrong reasons but with Azalea I want to marry her for all the right reasons. I truly love her. I don't think I really loved Cassie she was just there you know and then she got pregnant. I thought marrying her was the right thing to do but it was a mistake. I never felt the way I feel about Azalea with her. Azalea is different. I can look at her past and everything she has done but still love her the same. She's amazing and one of a kind. I would be a fool not to make her my wife. I want my future with her."

"I know she makes you happy," he says with a smile. "Anyone that knows you knows that this is the happiest you've been in a long time. Do you think it's funny how you two met at a group for addiction?"

"It's fate," I say, "we were both in the right place at the right time."

Roman and I start to look at the rings in the case. I want to get Azalea the perfect ring. I'm not sparing any expense either. She deserves nothing but the best. It's going to be the best. I look at all the beautiful diamond rings some of them big and some of them small. "Do you know what you're looking for?" asks Roman.

"The perfect ring for Azalea," I say with a smile. "Like this one," I say pointing to a beautiful diamond ring.

"Wow," he says, "that's a rock."

"I know," I say with a smile. "Ma'am," I say to the lady behind the counter. "Can you get me this ring to look at?"

"Sure," she says with a smile as she gets into the case to get out the diamond ring. She hands it to me as I look at it. "It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Very," I say with a smile.

"It is a platinum band," she says, "The diamonds are three Emerald cut diamonds any girl would love it."

"I'm sure," I say with a smile. "It's beautiful. This is it," I say. "This is the ring."

"That's the ring?" asks Roman.

"This is it," I say with a smile. "It will look beautiful on Azalea's finger. It's perfect for her. I want this."

"Okay," she says with a smile. "What size?"

"6," I say as I hand it back to her.

"I think we have one more size 6 left. Let me go check. I'll be right back, Sir."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile.

"When do you plan on proposing to her? You know your schedule is about to really pick up and you barely already have enough time at home as it is."

"I haven't decided when I'm going to do this, I just know I'm going to do it very soon. I want to make it a very special night for her. I want to make it a night that we will never forget. I want to go all out," I say. "I want to make it magical."

"I hope it's everything you want it to be," he says with a smile. "I'm happy for you, Bro. I'm happy that you finally found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with."

"Thanks and you know you're going to be the best man at the wedding right?"

"I didn't have a doubt," he says with a smile as the woman comes out with a ring box in her hand.

"This is the last size 6 that we have left. Are you sure this is the ring that you want?"

"I'm positive," I say with a smile. "That's the ring that I really want."

"All right," she says with a smile. "You must really love this girl."

"I do," I say with a smile. "I really do love her."

The lady walks us over to the cash register and then rings me up. I have to fill out some paperwork for insurance purposes in case the ring ever gets damaged or lost it can be replaced through the insurance clause. I hand her my credit card after all the paper work is filled out and she slides it through before handing it back to me. I sign my name on the slip before she hands me a receipt. She bags it up and hands me the ring. "I hope that she says yes," says Roman as we walk out of the store.

"I'm sure she will," I say, "I don't have a doubt in my mind that she wouldn't say yes. I'm nervous about this though. This is a big step after being hurt by Cassie."

"I know it is, Bro but you found someone that will love you a thousand times better than she ever did. You make Azalea happy and she makes you happy. You two have a beautiful son together and you two bring out the best in one another. You have nothing to be nervous about."

"Thanks," I say. "We're going to Tennessee to visit her parents next week. I took a few days off so that I could go with her. She didn't want to take Gideon alone."

"That's good. This is the first time she's seen her parents in years isn't it?"

"Yes. She has been thinking about this for a while. Her mom had said something to her at Christmas about going down to see them but she was pretty hesitant. She finally realized she can't reach the second to last step of her recovery until she faces both her parents and her little sister. I'm happy for her and I told her I would be there to support her. I just hope her parents like me. The last time I saw them we didn't exactly have a good time. I believe I had them kicked out of the hospital. They were trying to take Azalea home with them and have her get an abortion. I couldn't have that so I kicked them out. They probably hate me."

"I'm sure they don't hate you, dislike you maybe but I don't think they hate you. Maybe you doing that to protect Azalea proved to them just how much you love her. You never know they may not have an issue with you at all."

"Well, we'll see next week," I say. "I just hope that Azalea is ready for this. It's been a long time since she was in Tennessee and that she had seen her parents. It's one thing for her to talk to them on the phone but to see them in person might be a little more difficult. I just hope that she can handle it and I hope that they don't say anything to make her doubt herself. I just want this visit to go well and I want her to be able to have a relationship with them. I even want them to be in Gideon's life. The last and final step that she needs to take is facing Chris and Ty in court."

"Any word on those two yet?" he asks.

"Nothing," I say, "I just want them off the streets as soon as possible. I get anxious every time I have to go out of town leaving Gideon and Azalea behind. It's really unnerving not knowing where they are also. Hopefully they left the country. That would be the smartest thing for them to do."

"Yeah but with a warrant out for their arrest how would they even get out of the country?"

"Maybe they went to Mexico. I can see that. I can only hope that's where they are right now."

"I hope they are found soon. It can't be easy living like that."

"It's not," I say, "but I feel better knowing Azalea is in the safety of her apartment. I made sure it was the best for security and one of the safest apartment buildings in Cincinnati. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if it wasn't."

"I bet," he says, "I'm sure they will be found soon and then you two can move on with your lives together as they rot in jail for everything they have done to her."

"I'm sure she's not the only one," I say, "I'm sure there are others but they do need to rot for what they did to Azalea and to prevent it from happening to any other female again. They're disgusting animals and need to be locked up. The sooner they are off the streets the better it will be for us and everyone in the world."

 ***A/N: What do you think of Cassie being Chris and Ty's sister? ARe you surprised? What do you think of Cassie's plan for Azalea? Do you think Chris and Ty will be able to make good on their promise? What did you think of Dean buying an engagement ring? Do you think Azalea is ready? What about them going to Tennessee to visit her parents? Do you think this will be good for her and finally how do you think it will go? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


	20. Find The Way

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

"Are you ready for this?" asks Dean as we pull up in front of my parents' house in Tennessee.

"As ready as I'm ever going to be," I say as I let out a deep breath. "I haven't seen them for so long. I don't know."

"I'm sure everything is going to be fine, just relax. This is a big step for you. I know it's hard to face your past but sometimes you need to reconcile everything in your past to have a future. I'm here for you. I promise."

"Thanks," I say with a smile. "I love you. I'm so happy that you're here to support me and you're here for me."

"I will always support you and I will always be here for you," he says before he kisses my cheek softly. "I love you."

"I guess it's now or never," I say before I open the car door. I climb out of the passenger's side of the car as Dean gets out of the driver's seat. He gets a sleeping Gideon out of the backseat before grabbing his diaper bag. He carries him in one arm, the diaper bag on the other shoulder and his hand in mine as we walk up to the front door of the house I grew up in. It looks the same. Nothing has changed. There's still rose bushes in the front garden of the house. The front door is still white and the same welcome mat sits on the door step. I ring the doorbell with a shaky hand. I'm not sure I'm ready to face my parents. The last time I saw them they were trying to bring me back to Tennessee, trying to get me to have an abortion and trying to control my life. I was barely conscious. Dean strokes my knuckle as we wait for someone to open the door. "Dean, I'm nervous."

"It's going to be okay," he says reassuring me.

The front door opens and my dad is standing in front of us. His dark brown eyes meeting my hazel eyes, he hasn't changed except he's heavier than he was when I was 15 years old. His hair turning grey slightly and his beard grey as well. "Azzy," he says in his deep voice.

"Dad," I say as he takes me into his arms, wrapping me up in a hug. Tears fill my eyes as he holds me. This is the first time since I was 10 years old that my dad has hugged me. He holds me for what seems like years before he finally releases me.

"You look good," he says to me with tears in his dark eyes. "You look really good. You look much better than the last few times I saw you. You look healthy."

"I am healthy," I say trying not to choke on the sob forming in my throat. "It's been a long road, Dad," I say, "but I'm here."

"You look good," he says before taking me into his arms for another hug.

He lets me go and I introduce him to Dean. "Dad, I'm sure you've met him before but this is my boyfriend, Dean," I say with a smile.

"Dean," he says, "Reverend Thomas, glad to meet you under better circumstances this time. I have heard a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you again," says Dean as he shakes his hand. "I'm glad it's under better circumstances too."

"And who is this little guy?" he asks pointing to a sleeping Gideon.

"Dad, that's your grandson, Gideon," I say with a smile.

"He is beautiful," he says taking a glimpse of him. "And his name is Gideon?" he asks.

"Yes," I say, "after Grandpa. I wanted to give him a family name."

"Come in," he says allowing us into my childhood home. As soon as I am inside the door I am hit with memories some of them good and some of them bad. "Trisha," he calls out, "they're here." He takes us to the living room and invites us to have a seat a couple minutes before my mom comes into the living room with a tray in her hands with glasses and a pitcher of what looks like sweet tea.

"Mom," I say as I stand up to hug her as she puts the tray down on the coffee table in front of us. Dean stands up with me.

"Azzy," she says wrapping me up in a hug. "You look a lot better than the last time we saw you. You look healthier."

"I am healthier," I say with a smile. "Mama, I want you to me my boyfriend Dean."

"Nice to meet you," she says extending her hand for him to shake. "I'm Trisha."

"Nice to meet you," he says with a smile as he shakes her hand.

"And this must be Gideon," she says with a proud smile as she looks at her grandson that's stirring awake. His blue eyes pop open as he looks at her. "He is beautiful," she says with a smile. "Those blue eyes and those long eyelashes," she says with a smile. "He looks like you, Azzy. He's gorgeous."

"Thank-you," I say with a proud smile. She tries to hold him but he won't leave Dean. "He's not used to you yet. Give him some time," I say, "I'm sure he'll let you hold him."

"Okay," she says with a soft smile before we take a seat on the couch. "Help yourselves to some Sweet Tea."

"Thank-you," I say as I pour myself a cup of tea and then one for Dean. "Is Angelina going to be here?" I ask.

"She should be here shortly," she says. "She's in school right now."

"Oh yeah, I didn't think about that," I say taking a sip of my tea. It's been a long time since I had my Mama's sweet tea and it's still as delicious as it was before.

"So how are you doing?" asks my dad, "how are you since the last time I saw you?"

"I'm doing pretty well," I say with a smile. "I'm actually doing very well. Gideon saved my life," I say with a smile. "If I didn't get pregnant with him I would still be where I was or I would be dead. He's really pushed me to change my life."

"What happened after the hospital?" asks my dad as he pours himself some sweet tea.

"Well, Dean researched drug rehabs on the computer. He found one out in California that was a 6 month rehab. I knew I needed help and I couldn't deny it anymore. I had to do what was best for my baby so within a week of being in the hospital I was on my way to California to do this program. They helped me out a lot. They helped me get my GED, they helped me get into college and they helped me turn my entire life around. I went to a halfway house when I got out and they helped me find my job. Then they helped me find my old apartment. I turned my entire life around. I have been sober for a year. I was in a bad place but because of Gideon and Dean I'm in a much better place. Dean paid for my entire rehab stay, he supplied me with money to get food and toiletries. He really helped me out. I got back into church. It really helped me become a better person. I'm in college now."

"That's wonderful," says my dad.

"We are so proud of you," says my mama. "I'm glad that you have been sober for a year. That's great. And it looks like you are a great mama."

"I try to be, I try to give Gideon the best life he can have. He was born addicted because I never knew that when you were pregnant you couldn't just stop cold turkey because it could be crucial for the baby so they had to keep giving it to me for him so he could thrive. It was one of the hardest few months of my life after he was born to see him physically hurt and crave drugs. It broke my heart but now he is sober and he is healthy as can be."

"That's good. He is so cute," says my mama with a smile. "So you're in college?"

"Yes," I say, "I'm in college."

"That's great," says my dad. "What is your major?"

"I am going to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor. I want to help those with a drug and alcohol addiction. I mean who better to help someone but someone that has been there themselves. I want to turn my pain and suffering into something good. I'm also writing a book about my time in the drug life."

"Wow," says my dad. "I'm not sure I want to know what happened. Your mama has told me bits and pieces about things that have happened to you. I can only imagine how much you went through. I should have never kicked you out. I just didn't know what to do with you. By the time your mama and I went looking for you we couldn't find you."

"I don't want to get into it but I had a rough life. I went through hell on the streets. I got really bad into drugs. I did the worst drugs I could do. Heroin almost took my life from me. It is really as bad as they say it is. You can't just try it once and be done with it. Once you try it you get hooked. I have been pimped out on the streets, I have been raped, beaten and forced to have abortions. It wasn't easy but somehow I overcame it all."

"I'm a horrible father," says my dad, "I am so sorry, Azzy. I should have been better. I help everyone else with their problems but I couldn't even help my own daughter. I'm sorry you went through all of that because of me. I'm really sorry."

"Everything happens for a reason," I say, "being in this life led me to Dean and led me to his life. I met him at a group for addiction, we started dating and we had Gideon. Dean helped me get my life turned around, Gideon helped me get my life turned around," I say with tears in my eyes. "As bad as the life was for me and all the bad things I went through it all led me to my life now. I'm happy, I have a beautiful son, I have a wonderful boyfriend, I have a great job and I am in college. I want to use my problems as a way to help other people going through the same thing I did to give them hope. To show them that no matter how bad it is you can always get out of the life. You just have to want it. It's hard, it's never easy but one day you can get out of it. It takes a lot of work but you can get out. I remember a sermon you gave when I was about 14 years old about getting through the tough times. You told the congregation that everyone endures trials in their lives but with God they will get through it. You told them it wasn't going to be easy or quick, you told them it wouldn't be without pain but God would turn our mess into good and that's what he has done for me. I want to share that with the world. I want fight against sex trafficking of young girls, I want to help drug addicts better themselves, have a good life. I want them to turn their lives around. I never understood why I went through the things that I did but now I understand it was all a part of God's plan for me. He gave me a nice apartment, he gave me a nice home, he gave me a wonderful boyfriend, he gave me a beautiful son and he has led me into my calling in life. Dad, I don't blame you or Mama for this. I only blame myself. I made my own choices, I chose to get involved in this life. It was probably the worst life I had ever lived but had I not lived it I wouldn't have what I do today. I would have never been in Cincinnati, I never would have met Dean and I never would have had my son."

With tears in his eyes my dad stands up and makes his way over to me. He wraps me up in his arms and hugs me tightly before he prays for me and prays for Gideon. It makes me cry because there is so much love in his voice as he says his prayer that God continues to guide us in life and he continues to lead me down the path of righteousness and thanking God that I came home and that I'm alive. "I'm so proud of you," he says after his prayer. "I want to be in your life and I want to be a part of Gideon's life. I want to start over. I want to move past everything in the past and focus on us for now. I missed so much of your life and I know I wasn't the best dad to you and I could have been better and I'm sorry. I love you so much, Azzy. I only want what's best for you but above all I want you to be happy. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad," I say as I wipe the tears from my eyes. "I want that too. I want to be in your lives again and I want you to be in mine. I want Gideon to know his other grandparents. I want that relationship with you."

"We do too," says my Mama as the front door opens and closes.

"Mama," says my little sister Angelina. I haven't seen her since she was probably 10 years old. She's 5 years younger than me which means she's 14 years old. The last time I saw her she was in 5th grade now she has to be in 8th grade or 9th grade. I stand up as I see her walk into the living room. She stops as she looks at me. She has the same hazel eyes as me, her dark hair curly like mine, she's my twin. I look at her and I see myself at 14 years old. Angelina drops her bookbag and her books. She hurries over to me and wraps me up in a hug. "Azz!" she says, "I missed you so much," she says hugging me tight. "I thought you were dead but then Mama told me you were alive. I have been trying to find you on Facebook or any social media but I couldn't find you. I have been praying for you since you left. I have been hoping you would be back. I love you. I missed you so much." Tears fill my eyes. I remain speechless as we hug each other tightly. I wouldn't' say that we were close to each other because I was jealous of her because she was the perfect child my parents always wanted and I was always out doing my own thing. I never really bothered with her but to hear her feelings poured out to me breaks my heart.

"I love you," I say as we break the hug and I look her over. "How are you?"

"Better now that you're home," she says with a smile. "I was so worried about you."

"I'm okay now," I say with a smile. "You have grown up so much," I say. "How old are you?"

"14," she says.

"9th grade?"

"8th," she says with a smile. "How have you been is that your baby?"

"I've been good, I'm doing a lot better than I was. And yes this is my son Gideon," I say as I pick him up. "Gideon, say hi to Aunt Angelina."

"Hi," she says with a smile as he smiles back at her. I introduce her to Dean and they shake hands.

"Azzy is in college," says my dad as we take a seat. "She's going to be a drug and alcohol counselor," he says.

"That's great," she says with a smile. "I'm happy for you, Azzy."

"Thank-you," I say with a smile. "What about you, how are you doing in school?"

"Good," she says, "I'm on honor roll and I'm in advanced classes. I love school."

"That's great," I say with a smile. "And do you have any idea what you want to be when you get older?"

"Well," she says looking at my dad and my mama. "I want to be a doctor; a pediatrician," she says.

"That's great," I say with a smile. "I'm sure you'll get there."

"Thanks," she says with a smile.

We spend the afternoon getting to know each other again. My parents ask Dean about himself and he tells them about how he used to be a drug addict but he got himself sober. He told them he has an 11 year old daughter and that he is working on getting custody of her. They talk about his career and how much he loves me. They talk about how wonderful of a father he is to Gideon and they thank him for making my life better and helping me turn my life around. I spend time getting to know Angelina and I find out we have a lot more in common than I ever thought. I am sad that I have missed out on my sister time with her and I plan to keep my relationship with her. I want to be a part of her life and want to help keep her on the right path to make sure she never ends up the way I did. I don't think she will but I want to be that role model for her. I want to be able to keep my relationship with my parents and have them in Gideon's life as much as possible. The visit with them didn't go too bad. We put a lot of what happened behind us and we are moving forward. We said our apologies and we forgave each other for everything. Being stuck in the past and holding onto what happened in the past doesn't help us with the present or our future, moving forward and starting a new beginning is what we chose to do. I wouldn't want it any other way.

After we have dinner with my parents, Dean, Gideon and I head back to our hotel room. I give Gideon a quick bath and put him to bed before I meet Dean out on the balcony of the hotel. "He's sleeping," I say with a smile.

"Good," he says, "how are you feeling after today?" he asks.

"I'm feeling relieved and happy to have my parents back in my life. It was an emotional day but it turned out for the best," I say as I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my chin on his shoulder. "Thanks for coming with me today. I think they like you."

"You don't have to thank me," he says turning to face me as he wraps his arms around my waist. "And I hope they like me. This is a forever type of thing. You and me are forever," he says.

"I know, Baby," I say resting my head against his firm chest. He kisses the top of my head. "I love you."

"I love you too," he says. "Come with me," he says, "I have something for you."

"Okay," I say as he takes me by the hand. He leads me into the bedroom where there are rose petals on the floor leading to the bed and on the bed is a heart of rose petals from pink to red to white. It's beautiful. In the middle of the heart there's a small index card. _It's a forever type of thing you and me. Turn around._ I turn around and see Dean down on one knee in front of me. "Dean, what are you doing?" I ask with tears in my eyes.

"Azalea, the moment you walked into my life you made me feel alive again. You were the first woman that I had been attracted to since Cassie. You had my heart on the first date. There was something different about you. You're a little bit of wild and a little bit of peace. You're the perfect hurricane in my life. I have watched you grow in the last year. I have watched you change yourself around, I watched you mature. You're an amazing mother and I know there is nothing that you wouldn't do for Gideon. You're an amazing girlfriend. There are no words to be said that can even begin to describe how I feel about you and how much I love you. I never gave up on you. I never wanted to. I have been by your side since the beginning and I want to be by your side forever. I want to be together and raise Gideon together. I want us to grow old together, I want to go to bed next to you every night, wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. We have talked about the future so much in the last month and I don't see my future without you in it. I want to have more babies with you, I want to watch you achieve your dreams and I want to watch you change the world. I want to be by your side for the rest of my life. Azalea Rose Thomas, will you marry me?" he asks as he exposes the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen.

"Yes, Dean, I'll marry you," I say with tears streaming down my face. The tears in his eyes form as he takes the ring out of the box. He places the beautiful diamond ring on my finger.

"I love you," he says looking into my hazel eyes with his beautiful blue eyes.

"I love you too," I say with a smile before he kisses my lips softly and passionately. "I guess this means I'm going to be the future Mrs. Ambrose," I say with a smile holding up my hand exposing the diamond.

"I like the sound of that," he says with a smile. "Mrs. Ambrose, I love you so much. I want this forever."

"Me too," I say with a smile before I kiss his lips once more. The passion from our kiss ignites and we find ourselves celebrating our engagement, making love to one another softly and passionately until the night becomes morning and the moon disappears from the sky. This is what I want. This is what I have dreamed of my entire life. I just wanted a man that I could love forever, that would treat me with love and respect. I wanted a family and I wanted a career. My life is going places. My life is finally where I always wanted it to be and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Everything is right with my family, I have a handsome and loving fiancée and we have a beautiful son together. Life doesn't get any better than this. It's perfect. I lay in Dean's arms listening to him breathe and his heart beat slowly almost peacefully as I drift off to sleep, dreaming of the day I'll marry the man of my dreams, dreaming of how many kids we'll have and dreaming of the day I have accomplished every single goal I have set out to accomplish. It's perfect because it's all with the man that I love.

 ***A/N: What did you think of Azalea going back to see her parents? Do you think everything went well? What did you think of her father's reaction? What about her mother's? Were you surprised by her sister? Do you think they can truly move on now? What did you think of Azalea saying that the reason she went through everything she did was to lead her to the life she has now? Is Azalea going places in life? Are you rooting for her now? What did you think of Dean proposing to her? Did you think it was sweet? What about her saying yes? Please review and thank-you for reading. There is one more chapter left of this story.**


	21. A New Life 2

***Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much***

 ***Here is the final chapter of Find The Way.***

 _ **PERFECT**_ , this is the word to describe Azalea and myself. Perfectly imperfect some would say but the way we love each other was perfect, accepting each other's flaws, loving each other beyond our mistakes and staying strong when everything meant to tear us apart actually made us stronger. The night I proposed to Azalea perfection came to mind. The moment was perfect, life was meant to be perfect with her. Two weeks later our entire world changed, the perfection slowly faded away, happiness turned to sadness but in two weeks everything had changed. Life wasn't what it was supposed to be anymore. Three months have passed since our lives changed.

 **THREE MONTHS EARLIER:**

I was away working at a house show in Oregon when I got the phone call that would shake our world forever, the call that changed our entire lives. My mom called me in a panic, crying and out of breath. I had to tell her to relax several times before she could get out what she needed to say. "Mom, just relax. I can't understand you. Please tell me what's going on?"

"It's Azalea, Dean," she said to me and my heart stopped. I had reservations about leaving her and Gideon behind before I left that Friday night. I wanted them to come with me. I don't know why but I just had a feeling that they needed to come with me. Azalea told me not to worry that they would be fine, that they were staying at my house till I got back because it was safer with security.

"Mom, what happened?" I asked my heart raced and I could feel the fear taking over my body. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't expecting the words that came out of her mouth next I know that's for sure.

"Dean, they got into the house," my world came crashing down when she told me they got into the house. I knew who she had meant but I asked who anyway hoping that I was wrong. I wanted to be wrong but I wasn't. "Chris and Ty, they got into the house there was a struggle, Dean," she said as my eyes blurred over with tears. "She fought back. She fought back but," she says as I feel my breathing become heavier, my heart beating faster. "It was too much, they stabbed her numerous times. I'm not sure how many times she was stabbed but they stabbed her numerous times. She's in the ICU at the hospital. They're not sure she's going to make it through the night. You need to come home," she says before she chokes on a sob. I feel my world crashing down further. I never wanted to see what life without Azalea would be like. She gave my life so much meaning. She was everything.

"Mom," I said when I could finally gather the strength to speak. "Was it that bad?"

"It was horrific," she said. "Gideon is fine. He's with me now. They didn't touch him but he's scared. You need to get home as soon as you can."

"I'm going to see what I can do," I said before I hang up the phone.

I race down the hallway of the arena, tears falling from my eyes, my heart breaking to pieces with the thought of losing Azalea. That was my biggest fear. I didn't want to face life without the woman that I truly loved, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. She was everything to me. I didn't want to lose her. I was asked by several of my friends what was going on and I told them I couldn't talk right now. I managed to talk to my boss Hunter and told him the situation, I told him I needed to get back to Ohio as soon as I could. He understood and instead of making me wait and fight at the airport he offered me the company plane to fly in. I was so grateful for his kindness. I packed up my stuff and made my way to the airport to catch the plane to get back home as soon as I could. The plane ride was done in silence. I didn't know what to do. I felt so helpless being so far away. I kept praying that everything would be okay with her. I kept praying that she would make it, hoping that this wasn't the end. I kept praying that I would at least be able to kiss her, talk to her, hug her and see her if this was the end. My world was falling apart, my everything was fading away and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

I got into Cincinnati a little after midnight and as soon as I got off the plane Hunter had me escorted to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital at almost 1 in the morning. I met up with Trisha and Reverend Thomas in the waiting room along with my mom as she sat holding Gideon in her arms as he slept. "I'm sorry," I say to Reverend Thomas as he meets me halfway. "How is she?" I asked. I was hoping for a miracle and something in his eyes told me he was too.

"She's hanging on," he said with tears in his eyes. "She's hanging on but the doctor said she doesn't have long now. I'm praying to God that she pulls through this. She's only 19 years old. She has so much life ahead of her. I'm praying to God that he pulls her through this but it's not looking good. I just wish he knew that you and Gideon need her more than him. She's in the ICU. She's not very responsive but I think she's waiting for you."

"Can I go see her?" I asked trying to hold back from sobbing. When a reverend tells you that they believe God is going to take someone and doesn't believe the prayer is going to keep them here you know that it's serious.

"Yes," he said, "follow me."

I followed him to the ICU. The doctors knew I was coming and were expecting me to visit her and even though visiting hours were over they were going to let me into the room to see her. "What happened?" I asked the doctor the moment I saw him.

"Azalea came in here with multiple stab wounds. Apparently two drug dealers broke into the home dressed as delivery men. There was a fight from what Azalea was able to tell us before she went unconscious. They stabbed her in a few vital organs. They got her in the liver and her kidneys. They punctured a lung and they missed her heart by a few inches. If they would have hit her heart it would have been over but she's hanging on but her body is starting to shut down. There's not much more we can do for her. We are doing our best to keep her comfortable but right now she's on the breathing tube."

"And you don't think she's going to make a recovery?" I asked.

"No," he said, "I'm sorry. Her body is starting to shut down. In the morning everything will be completely shut down. We have been looking for matches to replace her liver but with her ethnicity it is hard to find a match. We keep looking and we're doing our best but in the meantime her body is starting to shut down. We're going to do our best," he said.

"And the men that did this to her, where are they? Did the police capture them?"

"They are in police custody along with their female accomplice," he said. I had no idea who their female accomplice was till much later and I found out that my ex-wife was the accomplice that she played a part in my fiancee's attack. I never expected anything like that from her but then I found out that she is the sister of Chris and Ty. I had no idea. I never knew it.

"Can I go in to see her now?" I asked.

"Yes," said the doctor before he let me in to see Azalea.

The moment I walked into the room my entire world crashed, everything came down at once. She laid lifeless in that bed, depending on a breathing tube to help her breathe. Her eyes closed. She took a beating. She was beat up pretty bad, her beautiful face cut, bruises covering her face and the swelling of her eyes and her entire face. I made my way over to the bed. Reverend Thomas gave me the time I needed with her. I took a seat next to her bed and took her hand into mine. I couldn't hold back anymore and I lost it. I broke down into tears. Her hand squeezed mine and I looked up at her and her beautiful hazel eyes were looking back at me. I had learned that her father had intended for the plug to be pulled in the morning had her body shut down. It was in God's hands after that point. "Azalea," I said with tears in my eyes. She squeezed my hand letting me know she could hear me. "I love you so much. I'm sorry that I wasn't there. I should have been there. You should have come with me. I'm so sorry," I said as I choke on my words. "I love you so much. I don't want you to leave me. You have come so far and you have gone through so much. Please don't leave me," I beg. "My life with you means everything. We have a beautiful son together, Gideon needs you. He needs his Mama. I don't' want you to leave us. I need you, Baby. I need you. I love seeing your hazel eyes looking at me and I love to see your smile. A world without it will devastate me. I know. I sound selfish but you bring my life so much meaning. You are only 19 years old. You have so much more life ahead of you. I need you to be strong. I know you're strong. You can fight this. Please, Azalea," I beg through my tears. "Remember our future together? Remember we're going to get married in July in a few years, we're going to have more kids and you're going to save lives. You're going to change the world. You're going to do big things. There's so much more for you. I love you so much, Azalea. You are everything in this life. Our lives aren't perfect, our love isn't perfect but the way we love each other is perfect. There are no words that I can say that describe the way I feel about you but just know that I love you so much. I love you," I said as she squeezed my hand again. I kiss her hand softly and stroke her knuckles.

I sat by her hospital bed all night long. I didn't want to leave her side. Her dad brought me coffee the next morning. "You made her really happy," he said. "You helped her change her life around," he said handing me my coffee.

"I love her a lot," I said. "She means everything to me. What am I going to do without her? What about Gideon? He needs his mama and she won't be here to watch him grow if we lose her. I can't lose her. I don't want to lose her."

"Sometimes, Dean," he said. "Things are going to happen that are beyond our control. I want to see her achieve her dreams, I want to see her get married, walk her down the aisle and have more children. I want to see that but sometimes life gets in the way. Things happen that we can't control. It's in God's hands. It's in God's timing everything on Earth. He knows everyone's beginning and he knows everyone's ending. It's hard to let go but if she does go know she will be in a better place, she won't be hurting anymore. She will be happy and without pain. Death ends a life not a relationship, Dean. She will be waiting for you up there and waiting for Gideon up there. She will always be the woman that you love and she will always be Gideon's mama. She will always be in our hearts. I hope that after today she does pull through but it's beyond our control. All we can do is hope that God does what is according to plan. I know it's hard but sometimes we just have to let go and let God."

"I know," I said as the doctor came in the room. I had to reluctantly let go of Azalea's hand while she was checked over and while they examined her.

We got the worst news we could have ever imagined shortly after. Her body had shut down over night and the only thing keeping her alive was the breathing tube. Reverend Thomas did what he needed to do that morning as my family and hers was gathered around her. We said our goodbyes, I gave her the last kiss I would ever give her. I watched in a deep sadness as one by one the nurse turned off the machines. The final machine shut off and for the split second we held our breaths before she flatlined. I broke down into sobs, she was gone, our future was gone. I knew at that moment I would have to learn to wake up every day without her, go to bed every night without her, I knew that I would never see her smile again or hear her beautiful laugh. I knew in that moment that I would never see her hazel eyes looking into my blue eyes. I would never hold her, hug her or kiss her again. I would never grow old with her or marry her. Our entire future was gone. Gideon would grow up without a mother and because he's so young he would never remember her, never remember how hard she fought be a mom, to change her life and never remember how much the moment she found out she was pregnant with him changed her life. She was only 19 years old. She would never finish college, she would never see the success of her book, she would never grow old and she would never be married. It was all torn away from her one night. She would never see her son grow up and she would never tuck him into bed again or read him stories again. She would never reach her dreams; everything was gone in that moment. I was angry. I wanted revenge, I wanted Chris, Ty and Cassie to pay for everything they had done, everything they had taken away from me, from Gideon, from our families and from Azalea but no matter what nothing would change the fact that she was gone. Nothing would bring her back.

My anger turned to a deep sadness and my sadness into a numbness over the next few days. Getting out of bed in the morning was hard but I had to. I had a son to take care of. I had a job to do. Hunter gave me some time off. I was set to win my first championship the next weekend in San Francisco at Wrestlemania but I gave it up. My place was to be at home with my son, to make sure he was okay. Gideon a constant reminder of his mother's beauty, sometimes looking at him broke my heart not because he would be growing up without a mom but because he looked so much like Azalea, I saw her in him every time I looked at him. We buried Azalea a few days after they pulled the plug on her. I wish I had more time with her. I wish I got to spend another day with her, I just wanted one more day to hold her, to hug her, to kiss her. Just one more day to be with her, hear her laugh and watch her fight her way to the top. Laying her to rest was one of the hardest things I had ever done. It was the permanent goodbye. It was the last time I would see her till I see her again someday. It hurts every day waking up without her and waking up knowing I won't see her. I didn't want to forgive Chris and Ty or Cassie for that matter but holding onto the hate, the anger and everything was only hurting me not them. They would see their fate one day. In the middle of dealing with Azalea's loss, learning to be a single father to a 6 month old baby McKenna came to live with me.

The case never went to trial as all three pleading guilty in Azalea's death. Chris and Ty were serving a life sentence in prison while Cassie was spending 75 years in prison for being an accomplice. They destroyed everything good in my life. They took so much away from my son and from me. I could hate them forever but I can't. I had to move on with my life. I had to let go of all the anger and how much I wanted to seek revenge. Nothing was bringing Azalea back, nothing. Our lives were changed forever and there was nothing that would bring her back to us; NOTHING.

 **THREE MONTHS LATER:**

"Say bye, bye, Mama," I say as I hold Gideon as we are visiting Azalea's grave. I take his hand and have him wave to her grave. "Lay your flowers down," I say as I help him lay the purple Azaleas down on her grave. I kiss his cheek softly as he smiles at me melting my heart.

"Mama," he says making me smile.

"Yes, Mama," I say with tears in my eyes as I hold him and we sit next to her grave as I think about all the good times I had with her. I know she's in a better place now but it still hurts. Life is getting better, I'm learning to live without her but at times I still hope to wake up from this nightmare and hope to see her walk through the front door. "Well, Azalea, we're leaving today. I can't be in Cincinnati anymore. I need a new beginning. I need a new start in life. We'll be back to visit you often. Gideon is getting so big. He is standing up on his own now, he can say Mama. He says Mama all the time. I think he remembers you a little and I'll make sure he never forgets how amazing you were and never forgets who you are. I love to hear him say Mama. Every day I look at him I see you. I see you in him every day. He's growing up so fast. His hair is curly and I don't have the will to cut it and he's got 4 teeth now. He can crawl. He's eating baby food and he's just growing more and more every day. You would be so happy. We love you so much, Azalea. Not one day goes by that you're not on my mind. I wish we could have had more time together, had our future together but God had other plans for us. I'm sure you're up there watching over us every day and that you're smiling down on us every day. I bet you have a beautiful set of wings and you're one of the most beautiful angels ever seen. I miss you, Azalea but you're always going to be in my heart. I'll never forget you or forget what we had. You gave me some of the best moments of my life and you have left me with the greatest gift that you could give me. I'm going to do my best to raise him and make you proud. I love you so much, Azalea."

"Mama," says Gideon again bringing tears to my eyes as I kiss the top of his curly hair.

Our time at the cemetery is over. I say one last goodbye to Azalea before we leave to go to my mom's house before we leave to go to Las Vegas. "I'm going to miss you," says my mom.

"I know, Mom but I have to do this. There are too many bad memories here. I need to go get a new start. I need to go live my life somewhere else. There's too much pain here."

"I know," she says. "I hope that you're happy in Las Vegas."

"Thanks," I say as I give her a hug. "I love you. I will call you every chance that I can get and we'll face time each other twice a week."

"I love you too," she says before she kisses my cheek. "Take care of my grandson and granddaughter," she says.

"I will, you take care too," I say with a soft smile. She hugs and kisses Gideon and then McKenna before I put Gideon into his car seat and McKenna gets into the car. I wave to my mom once more before I get into the car. I start the car and pull out of the driveway making my way to my new life, to a new place and to a new place to start over leaving behind the pain and sorrow of Cincinnati.

 **THE END**

 ***A/N: WHat did you think of the final chapter of Find the WAy? Do you blame Dean for going to Las Vegas? Do you think that will be what's best for him and the kids? What did you think about Chris and Ty getting life sentences and Cassie getting 75 years? It's the end of the Azalea and Dean story how do you feel? Please review and thank-you for reading.**


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